Sister issues

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by GoingNorth, Oct 26, 2014.

  1. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Just got off the phone after a long conversation with her that I ended when when I realized that she was drunk.

    Oddly, she called me to discuss her drinking among other things. As I understand it, "she doesn't drink, but she "slips" sometimes.

    She can go out with friends and have a couple of drinks and "be fine". On the other hand, she was cooking dinner while drunk and spilled hot drippings on her boyfriend and scalded him. But she was drunk.

    She doesn't drive drunk. She "slips" when she's alone, but doesn't seem to be able to not drink if she's got something going on where sobriety would be a good idea.

    It was a mixture of confession and denial. Leaves me to face the unpleasant fact that my sister is an alcoholic. More like an addict as she admitted to abusing Xanax and pain medications if prescribed for her, but according to her, doesn't seek more when the RX runs out.

    It sounds like she thinks she has it under control, but I wonder for how long? She's got so much going for her and yes, she's had a hard life, and a rough few years. But, so have I, and I am not an addict nor do I seek out substances to make me feel better. I don't have to take the last pill in the bottle because it's there, though I do save them for emergencies like when I broke my ankle and coudlnt' get medical care right away.

    I've never taken Xanax so can't speak for that. All I know is that I've had doctor's tell me they don't prescribe it. I do take Lorazepam and have been at the same, low dosage for years. It's the only thing I've found that helps with the panic attacks.

    I guess I have to find an Al=Anon meeting locally as I don't know how to deal with this, especiallyt he talking in circles, which just confuses me. She says that drinking helps her be comfortable in social situations and to be creative.

    I won't drink in social situations because I'm socially phobic and petrified of making an ass of myself. We're from opposite poles on this one. She was talking about how broke she is and there was some hinting. I just told her that money was tight all over and perhaps when her lease is up, she can find a cheaper place to live.

    Argh...I'm too old and set in my ways to deal with this. She got a little huffy when I kept bringing the conversation around to her drinking and asked pointed questions like "how much do you drink when you are alone". Why do you drink before seeing your boyfriend.

    I'll hit the phone book tomorrow and see what meetings we have in the area. I need some help here as understanding alcoholics isnt' part of my life experience.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with your assessment and think it is a good idea to seek out a meeting. I also don't have experience with this so cannot offer much in advice but definitely sending some positive thoughts in your directions and praying your sister is able to realize she needs some help.
  3. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    The thing is that she's very functional. Works two jobs, etc. Her boyfriend comes from a family of non-functional alcoholics and is a heavy pot user. I think, from what sister says, he is enabling her because that's how he grew up.

    I called Human Services earlier and it looks like they have meetings for spouses and parents, but nothing directly oriented towards other family members. We have a small Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for poly-substance abuse up here and I'll call them tomorrow and see if they have anything for older family members or can recommend something within a reasonable drive.

    The big problem here is that my sister has had substance issues since she was a teenager. It's been an on and off thing with her and it seems to be an overall "addictive personality" thing as opposed to a "drug of choice".

    She is using the unhappy marriage and subsequent divorce as her current excuse, that and she's more "creative" and "relaxed" when drinking. When I suggested seeing a therapist and psychiatrist she blew me off. If she's self-medicating, it would be a lot better for her to get on ADs or similar to help with the anxiety and depression, than to binge drink.

    The odd thing is that she's very into exercise and healthy eating, etc., and was able to go without alcohol for 3 months after having a liver cyst removed. I guess that means she isn't physically addicted, but rather psychologically dependent.

    Thanks for the caring, I do appreciate it.