Sitting at work, trying not to cry.....and failing

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mom2oddson, Nov 30, 2010.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Went on Facebook to send one of my sister in law's a note.... Nothing like having all your SILs de-friend you on Facebook. I'm hoping it's a Facebook glitch, but I doubt it. How else to you explain just the sister in law's not being on my friends list anymore? I did send new requests and I'll see what happens.

    Man, this really stings! I'm a good person. I'm kind and caring. And I don't hold it against my sister in law's that their parents are my In-laws. So, why all of a sudden are they not my friends?

    I know I shouldn't be crying. And my head is telling me that it is their loss, but my heart just shattered into a bazillion pieces.

    Boy, having even more family members turn their backs on you sure can increase one's insecurities. I would understand if I was a mean person. If I had been abusing the difficult children. If I was mean to husband or had cheated on him. Or if I'd been bad-mouthing the in-laws to the world. Here is the ONLY place that I talk about my in-laws. So why is everyone turning their backs on me? What have I done that is so wrong?
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    There, there....(pats on shoulder)

    As for FB? Fahgeddabout!

    FB has a way of making public things that were never meant to be public. Like old pics from high school. Like a "Friend" you went to kindergarten with. And instead of gradually letting relationships ebb and flow as they will - you must make the hard choice to "Friend" or "De-Friend".

    Please try not to take it too seriously....

    And hey - maybe FB banned THEM? You know, for using a fake name, for posting too many links, for whatever...

    It happens!
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am seriously considering ditching Facebook altogether myself! It's just too time consuming and exausting following the everyday ridiculous minutia of everyone's lives. It used to be a useful tool for my entire family to keep in touch - now it's just a pain.

    I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt - I would feel the exact same way and I'd also be asking myself those same questions, "What's wrong with me? I'm a nice person!!!"

    They are jerks!!!

    {{{Big Hugs}}}
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Let's hope it's a fb glitch. DF is right, fb makes things permanent instead of letting things go their normal course. I have to admit I have wanted to defriend some relatives who have been less than supportive with difficult child's rehab but I try to ignore them. Even when they post things on their wall that they know I read and would feel bad about. In fact my own sister has not called me once in four months to ask about difficult child.

  5. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    The only thing you've done wrong is take their doo-doo onto your shoulders and decide it is somehow your fault.

    It may be a glitch; facebook is famous for them. But if it's not, it is still not your fault. Just be the good person that you are and if they choose to be south ends of north facing horses then it is their problem, not yours. The one mantra that gets me through life is: you can't control what anybody else does, thinks or says. The only thing you can control is your reaction to them. In this case, the best reaction would be to consider the source, keep doing what you were doing, and consider it their loss.

    Hang in there.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I would leave this be while you are at work. I know how upsetting it is and you have to keep your head clear when you are on the job. I may not have been following other posts so maybe I missed something along the line. Is there something that has happened recently that would lead you to believe that your sister in law's would want to de-friend you? After work today, call the one that you have the best rapport with and talk to her without being confrontational. Assure her that you are certain there must be some sort of misunderstanding or glitch.

    FB battles, like DF and Nancy say, make things nasty and permanent. Handle it personally so that you will at the very least know what happened and can decide rationally what - if anything - you want to do about it. But for heaven's sake, don't put anything in writing at any point. They'll just spin it the way they want it and pass it around.

    (((((((((((((Big hugs)))))))))))
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    For those people whose minutiae I don't care about? I just block their posts. LOL!
  8. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I have a very small group of people on facebook, my 2 cousins, my SILs and 3 friends. It's just a way of keeping in touch. I rarely post anything on it. I just read it to see what is happening with the kids. The SILs that dropped me our my FILs DILs. I had expected to be unfriended when all the stuff with difficult child-Step happened. Since it didn't, I thought they were above all the garbage. I guess not. Who knows what lead up to this? And I really don't care. If they are going to accuse, judge and find me guilty of whatever without even talking to me.... oh well. Like easy child's favorite saying says "Opinions of my inferiors"...

    I'm doing a lot better. Already on the mend from the initial hurt. Guess there is a benefit from dealing with difficult child's all this time - Rhino Skin. And mine is back on. These two are not the first and probably won't be the last to disown me over difficult child issues.

    Thank you for all the support that you've given me. It's nice to have someone to turn to when things get rough.
  9. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I don't recall reading any old threads about sister in law's, but are you having trouble with them or was this just out of the blue ? Don't worry too much. Facebook certainly doesn't define you . I am sure you are a wonderful person ! :consoling:
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    i love easy child's saying. I'd stick with that.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs, sweetie, it is definitely their loss!
  12. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Thanks again for the support!

    It's now a total of 3 SILs (all on husband's side) that have broken off all contact cold turkey. M stopped talking to me the day after difficult child-Step ran away. M believed whatever Step was selling - hook, line and sinker. M never would tell a reason. She just stopped talking to me.

    SILs A & K were talking to me and communicating through e-mails and facebook (they live out of state) until just this week. Now suddenly, nothing.

    I figure with all 3 of them, if they are so juvenile that they would pull this cold turkey stuff instead of communicating that there is some kind of problem....they deserve each other. I'm too old for this garbage.

    I have a good support system with my friends here and husband is by my side. He's had me laughing with brain-storming of the type of family news letter we should send to them all. (we won't do it, but it's been fun talking about it)

    And I've decided that I'm going to continue working on the Christmas gifts (hats, blanket) that I'm making for the nieces and nephews. No sense for them to be punished just cuz their folks are the way they are.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending more hugs.