newstart
Well-Known Member
My 42 year old daughter and I went out of town to view the eclipse. She had a terrible cold so she did not say much and did not argue or get mean. She was ok and tired. We got to see the eclipse in full and it was glorious.
Lately she has been talking about a new job she started. I noticed that when I told her I was going to visit her inside her new place of business she got nervous. So today I went in to see for myself. OMG the lies she told me about who she worked with, the things she had to do and made up the most cockeyed stories.
Years ago when I went to counseling regulary to find ways to help me help her with the lies I got two conflicting methods. One was to call her out on every lie, or just ignore them. Whew! I tried the calling her out on each lie and it just makes her defensive, rude and she fights horribly when I question her lies. We would have no decent time together and the tension was always there... So then I tried to just ignore the lies..But is that really helping her? WTH! It is not helping me. Lies that don't make any sense at all. I have been reading about a disorder that is all about people that lie a lot and for no reason. Like a disorder that is seperate from bipolar or borderline. I have asked her point blank why she lies about stuff that does not even need to be lied about and she says she does not know. It is hard for me to believe for several reasons. One is that she has been through years of therapy and when I asked her if she knows she is lying she said yes but she just does not care. Or it is to distract me from something else that is going on in her life. Of all the above. How am I going to get to old age and have this awful lying to deal with. So for now I just listen and tell myself that there must be something she is dealing with and wants to distract me from the truth. By the time each of us parents live through the drama and foolishness of off track behavior we become therapists ourselves. I cannot tell you the number of books I have read on how to deal with such a person. The classes I have attended, the groups I belong to etc etc and sometimes it all comes tumbling down on me and it is too much. I have noticed that her voice changes when she lies and she repeats the lie over and over again to make it sound like a truth... Such a waste of time.
Lately she has been talking about a new job she started. I noticed that when I told her I was going to visit her inside her new place of business she got nervous. So today I went in to see for myself. OMG the lies she told me about who she worked with, the things she had to do and made up the most cockeyed stories.
Years ago when I went to counseling regulary to find ways to help me help her with the lies I got two conflicting methods. One was to call her out on every lie, or just ignore them. Whew! I tried the calling her out on each lie and it just makes her defensive, rude and she fights horribly when I question her lies. We would have no decent time together and the tension was always there... So then I tried to just ignore the lies..But is that really helping her? WTH! It is not helping me. Lies that don't make any sense at all. I have been reading about a disorder that is all about people that lie a lot and for no reason. Like a disorder that is seperate from bipolar or borderline. I have asked her point blank why she lies about stuff that does not even need to be lied about and she says she does not know. It is hard for me to believe for several reasons. One is that she has been through years of therapy and when I asked her if she knows she is lying she said yes but she just does not care. Or it is to distract me from something else that is going on in her life. Of all the above. How am I going to get to old age and have this awful lying to deal with. So for now I just listen and tell myself that there must be something she is dealing with and wants to distract me from the truth. By the time each of us parents live through the drama and foolishness of off track behavior we become therapists ourselves. I cannot tell you the number of books I have read on how to deal with such a person. The classes I have attended, the groups I belong to etc etc and sometimes it all comes tumbling down on me and it is too much. I have noticed that her voice changes when she lies and she repeats the lie over and over again to make it sound like a truth... Such a waste of time.