So, I'm ok

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, Jan 15, 2009.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I posted a thread the other day, then deleted it because I felt too vulnerable.

    Monday night, black depression hit me like a truck and I wanted to die. Seriously. It was all I could think about. I was even trying to research the best way to do it because I figured if I took all my medications, I would just end up in a vegetative state and that would just svck.

    It was worse than any other major depressive episode I've ever had. Normally, for me, depression is a slide. This was just BAM.

    Well, I stopped the neurontin that had been prescribed for fibromyalgia and after three days off it, I feel normal again. One of the "unlikely, but serious side effects" of neurontin is mental/mood change. I always did like to get the "unlikely" side effects of medications. :faint: What's scary is I had only been on it for 5 days at the low dose for this to hit like that. I did some writing during that time and my thinking was really....twisted.

    I called my doctor's office today and they told me not to take it anymore. Told them I wasn't planning on it. :D I didn't call them before because, well, I wasn't sure I wanted help. I wasn't sure I wanted to live. See? Twisted.

    I'm just glad I was still with it enough to realize it might be the medication and stopped taking it.

    So, I'm back and it's all good. However, this isn't the first medication I've taken that has effected my mind/mood so strongly. I think that since my depression is clinical rather than situational, it might be a good idea to stay away from those medications with those possible side effects.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm glad now that you're not taking it that you're feeling much better. I hate it when medications have that as an effect. Scary in my opinion.

  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Thank goodness you caught it. I am so glad you are OK.

    Hugs and prayers, hang in there.
  4. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to hear you got to the bottom of the problem. I've been thiking of you. Hang in there.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Phew/Whew! Glad things are better. DDD
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well crud, at least you are in tune with your self, mind and body. Even if it took a bit.
    We all know how it is when you call, (especially you) and tell a Doctor you think the medication is making you a bit Wonky...
    "Sure it is..."
    Good for you for stopping it! Good for us here as well.
    Glad to see/hear you are feeling better. Very scary to feel like that.

    When my Prozac attempt made me feel *extra* crazy, I stopped it and told my old psychiatrist, she said I was on too low a dose and it shouldn't have done that?!?!
    Hmmm, I was the one going through it! Uh, and it stopped when the Prozac stopped, you think?
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank goodness you realized the medication as a possibility! It is the very fact that once a person is that depressed, they don't feel like they want help that is the problem. Almost like addiction. I'm so glad you are ok and not taking that anymore. I hope you have thrown it all away.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad you are o.k. You've been in my prayers!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, Heather, that's scary.
    I'm so glad you pulled out of it.

    I called my doctor's office today and they told me not to take it anymore.

    I HATE it when they say that, after the fact. Uh duh!
    But it's good that you called so they can put it in your record. I hope you insisted that they do.
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome back - now don't do that again! Glad you were strong enough to hang onto your wisdom and knowledge about the medications.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am SO glad you didn't hurt yourself. That must have been terrifying, to have the depression hit so fast and hard. I am sorry you went through that.

    It is amazing how medications can have such a strong impact on our mind/mood. I think that the writing you did may give you insight into how bad things were, and may be a good reminder next time they want to try a medication for you.

    Thank you for letting us know you are OK.

    Gentle, healing hugs,

  12. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thank goodness you are okay. You want it placed on your chart that you are never to be prescribed neurontin again.

    I'm really glad you came out the other side.
  13. ML

    ML Guest

    I am so glad you are ok. Big hugs xoxoxo ML
  14. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well THAT'S not the kind of stuff you want happening! Heather, have you thought of maybe checking in with someone daily when you start a new medication like that... just to be safe? Someone you could tell -- hey, I'm starting a new medication and could you help me keep an eye on myself -- so to speak -- until I'm sure it's safe. Becoming that twisted and not having anyone to tell is just too risky in my opinion.
  15. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Gcvmom, you were reading my mind. Since the neurontin is a no go, they're probably going to want to try lyrica. And since it's in the same class of medications, I don't think I want to try it. I do fine on lamictal, though, so I don't know. But, if I do try it, I'm going to have my doctor's office call and check in on me. I easily get to the point where I withdraw. And like I said, I didn't really want help.

    It was bad. Really bad.

    Thank you all for the support.
  16. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Heather it really is scary when medications have those types of effects. And don't let the docs make you feel like you're the only one either. Cuz you know you're not.

    I took welbutrin in that really low dose to quit smoking....they call it something else, but it's welbutrin actually. Well, sure am glad it was a very small dose. Made me have homicidal ideation to the max. By the time I got to the point where I was ready to carry it out....well, still don't know how some little part of me was still there enough to toss them out and call the doctor. Another day and I shudder to think of what my state of mind would've been.

    Yup. Scary as h*ll. I'm glad you reached out before it got so severe you wouldn't reach out, if you know what I mean.

    That's why whenever they added a new medication for Nichole (rare as I balked everytime) I watched her like a hawk. Our family has serious reactions to both prozac and welbutrin. Dangerous reactions.

  17. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Heather: Smart one you!
    The fact that you are aware that you are having a clinical depression and the medication trial...low dose...first try, wasn't a winner is not really a reason to decide that you are stuck with clinical depression with no treatment suited to you.
    It does REALLY REALLY tank that at this point in time the clinicians are check to test on people with depression. The hope that this one or the next one will be a good servicable vehicle for you to get out of the rut of a depressive spiral is
    alot for the practioners to require. Yet it is YOUR LIFE and the reason it is so much work to get the right treatment and the right mix of this and that for some people is
    maybe one day not going to be so trial and error.
    the use of the evaluation questions seems to me to be one of the more
    viberant tools that a practioner can use that does give them good facts to peg their besst assessment and pick a winner faster.
    Also it is absolutely sencible to have either a social worker or a trusted and
    level headed friend do a check in with you when you are going through depression wether you choose to treat or not. And if you do choose treatment someone who does know you and can complete an evaluation for your treating psyciatrist will add
    valuable insight that they observe that you just may not have the objectivity to
    I am not really clear that "low dose" really means that each and every person has the same low medication and high settings. Just today the factor of metabolising was on this site and there are variation there, so common sence says that in a popualtion of billions your "low" maybe my "high" and visa versa.
    We go through the same "general rule" forse field over antibiotic allergy.
    I have it, my grandmother had it, and after she survived her life threatening reaction
    and never took another...then one generation over when it happened to me but that wasn't red flaggy I had a severe reaction to the alternative type and after that when I list both over and over and over i hear "that only happens in 2% of the population"....yep I got your 2% right here.
    The stories of people who have had depressive illness and struggle through
    one wronge attempt after another is daughting. Especially if the medicine requires weeks befor it proves wronge and then weeks to back down and then start another.
    Definately take time to get ready and i would go see the doctor that gave you that perscription and get an explaination and what ever they have to say about what you have happen and what they think is appropriate...just for your information.
    Wether you want to follow their advise or not. And ask about the check in calls. That was awfull that you were feelling and thinking like that and we know that IS
    oart to the risks. It is in the fine print and so does the doctor. Even if only .o321%
    of the pop.
    Thank goodness you are off that one.
  18. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Ropefree, thank you for the concern, but the medicine (neurontin) was not for depression. It's a seizure medication that is also used to treat neuropathic pain and fibromyalgia. I am on medications for my depression (lexapro and lamictal) and they work very well.

    However, the neurontin caused the severe mental/mood change and fortunately I had the presence of mind to stop the neurontin. I was supposed to titrate up. Can you imagine what that would have been like? Ugh.
  19. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Heather, correct me if I'm wrong but I got the feeling that you felt, because you have clinical depression (you think) that the neurontin (and related medications) was more likely to trigger more depression. That if it hadn't been for your underluying clinical depression, the neurontin would have been far less likely to cause the severe depression that hit you.

    Please don't blame any depression in you, for this reaction. I do not have clinical depression but I DO get depression as a side-effect with some medications (including neurontin). Interestingly, I didn't get a problem with Lyrica - at least not depression. I did get some stomach problems, plus no benefit. husband did find Lyrica helped him, but not enough to justify a long-term prescription.

    Something else even more important - do not "put this behind you". Instead, remember how you felt, remember your reaction. Because if you are keeping this in your memory then when this happens again, you are better immunised against taking it too seriously, you are more likeoy, at some level of your psyche, to say, "Oh yeah, I remember this. It's OK, it's not me doing this, it's the pills."

    Keep the notes you wrote while under the effects of this, too - they are very handy to produce if ever a doctor says, "Surely a bit of drop in mood was no big deal?"

    It can be a huge problem if you get reactions like this. But getting one is no guarantee that the next medication will do the same thing. Also, it can vary alot from oe family member to another. For example, at one point they tried me on tryptanol. It bombed me out of my skull, I was a zombie in a wheelchair on it, even on quarter of the smallest tablet. Each day I was on it seemed to be making me worse, it seemed cumulative.

    But easy child 2/difficult child 2 is taking the very same medication, to settle her stomach. She's on massive doses vcompared to me, it doesn't sedate her in the slightest but does seem to also settle her mood a little.

    There's sometimes no way to predict it.

    However, I can understand you being gun-shy. Tell your doctor that you feel very uncertain about being used as a guinea-pig to see what happens if you take this or that. Ask him what precuations are in place should tis happen again. Aometimes the doctors don't really connect with how we feel, and frankly - he should be reassuring you on this.

  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would be VERY wary of lyrica. It is my understanding that lyrica is the "next generation" neurontin. It might not cause the same reactions, but it sounds like a pretty big gamble, in my opinion. If you do decide to try it, I am sure any one of us would call you daily for a check in. I know I would.

    When they put me on effexor to try to prevent the migraines, as well as deal with my depression, it was horrible. At one point we were going to help build the playground at the kids' old school - I worked HARD on fundraising to get that playground and really really wanted to be there. I had a hard time going out to the car. THEN when we got there I made husband take me home. I was a shaking, crying mess at the thought of getting out of the car with all those people around.

    so it isn't just you who has these reactions. You are not alone. And with the next medication if you need me to call you 1, 2, 3, even 4 times a day to check in, well, I can do that. NOT a problem at all.

    Remember we love you. And you are never alone!