Some days are better than others

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Awakening1990, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. Awakening1990

    Awakening1990 New Member

    A while back, my adult son finally admitted that he was struggling with alcohol, depression etc. After so many years of denial and one story after the other. He reached out to me with this info among other things. A couple weeks went by and we had a few conversations here and there, just about regular stuff. I Did not mention anything to do with sobriety. A few days ago I messaged him" after our candid convo couple weeks ago, how are things working out for you?" Even tho days ago he saw the message, he's not responding. This is a familiar pattern of his, and my pattern is always thinking and hoping that things will change and I can ask that question and receive an answer, be it pos. or neg. Some days I can accept the reality of the situation as a whole and other days the reality is so sad to me. I miss my son and im grieving our relationship today. Thanks for letting me get this out.
     
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  2. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I feel i am grieving also, my son went back to prison. The hope that the first time would straighten him was crushed. But i was a fool to think it to begin with. Just like i thought homelessness, having a baby, getting good job, would all change his ways. So i will grieve alone, get out of his way and he can have at it. I am going to just focus on me, and not have anymore dreams when it comes to him, he has let me down too much.
     
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  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is so difficult to wait for our loved ones to ask for help. I grieved for all the lost time, lost opportunities, lost relationships that substance abuse brought upon our family.

    My thoughts are with all of you who are going through that now. Voicing that loss and grief is therapeutic.
     
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  4. seek

    seek Member

    So much grief. You have to take care of yourself, and allow yourself to feel sad and terrible, and then do whatever you can to bring happiness and healing into your life on a daily basis.

    And acceptance is everything. Accept people as they are (and still love them). It is so hard.
     
  5. Awakening1990

    Awakening1990 New Member

    Thank you all for your validation in letting me know I'm not alone in how I feel. It is good for me to feel my feelings and speak them out loud. It is a daily process. Thanks for your support.
     
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  6. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I'm grieving those sober months that he was delightful and a good big brother.

    Now a stranger who is angry. I can't inject him with serum, so he just started down a very hard road.

    We will not follow him.
     
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  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Awakening

    Have you heard anything from him?
     
  8. Awakening1990

    Awakening1990 New Member

    No I haven't. He has gone ghost again. I tend to my everyday business...i laugh, I do my recovery stuff,..I take care of my needs...but underneath it all, I can feel the unsettling presence of sadness, wonder, worry. Sometimes when I start rehashing past conversations in my mind, I start to feel like I have read the ques wrong, or I didnt respond appropriately when he was pouring his heart to me. I cant stay there too long tho, it hurts my spirit. I would love to be emotionally encouraging to him, but he is not reaching out anymore. Sometimes i just wanna get pissed and say now w*f is going on here???? What are you gonna do about it???? No communication at all. Thanks for asking.
     
  9. Awakening1990

    Awakening1990 New Member

    I hear you MOF, I wonder if my son is just plain angry, but you wouldn't know it with him....first of all he rarely gets on an actual phone and calls, it always through FB messenger, so I can't tell by inflection when we do have a conversation. My husband says the same thing, that he has become a stranger to us, especially to him. I just spent time with my son a month ago for quite a few days, but other than that no continuous contact. This is certainly cunning and baffling.
     
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  10. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    The flip flop from sadness to anger is so familiar to me! I get so sad and then one little thing happens ... like my vehicle stinky from cigarettte smoke and I lose it on him...

    I am always worried, every hour of every day. It's exhausting to be that way and I know this.... but I have not really detached from him or from trying to help him.

    I do know I'm better than I used to be, but I do come here and read posts when I'm feeling weak or sad or vulnerable. It helps to see others struggling and also finding their way. Makes me feel less alone and also gives me hope I can not only survive this but be happy again someday.
     
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  11. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Yes you can be happy everyday, it's a struggle.

    Worth it, yes. I have to have some medical testing done and it peeves me that he never asks how I am? Cause they can't think past their own nose!!

    Worry will kill all of us, it's pointless yet hovers like a cloud....