some good news

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pigless in VA, Jun 20, 2017.

  1. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Somehow, someway Ferb managed to graduate from high school. I wasn't entirely sure that he would as his grades for the last half of the year were poor. He is planning to go to a state college in the fall if they don't rescind their offer after they receive his final transcripts.

    He had a court date for his possession of marijuana charge but all they did was postpone until a date toward the end of August. I was hoping that he could get his community service and mandatory classes out of the way during the summer, but those have to wait.

    He continues to see his therapist and doctor and is taking his anti-depressant daily. He has much better control of his anger than in the past. Those are all positives.

    The negatives are that he barely speaks to us, refuses to eat with us, and will not attend family functions.
     
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  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Graduating is a big deal .. congratulations! Baby steps...
     
  3. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    One big step..more to follow! I am happy for you!
     
  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Crazy in VA, when I asked Ferb how he felt about graduating he said, "I didn't even try." I have no idea how a parent is supposed to motivate a kid.
     
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish I had advice on motivation. Oldest graduated, but late because of unfinished credits (she did correspondence classes to finish). Youngest dropped out a few months before graduation (right after she turned 18), and there was really nothing I could do. I just had to let it go. I did insist she get a job if she wanted to live at home, and she did, but then was pregnant by that summer and everything shifted. She eventually got her GED, about 5 years later.

    Are you paying for college? That can be some motivation there. He's gotta keep up the grades if you're going to pay. My dad gave me a choice: he'd pay for college and I could live at home for free, or I worked and paid him rent.
     
  6. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    As far as motivation, marijuana causes amotivational syndrome, so there aren't any magic words you can say while they're still using.
     
  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Graduating High School is quite an accomplishment! That is wonderful news.
     
  8. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Wonderful news! Graduating, a college acceptance combined with the desire to go to college...all very good things! Positive thoughts.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There are no magic eords even when they dont smoke pot.

    They have minds of their own and we cant control them. A very hard concept to accept, but we have 0 control over another person. It is best to give up that useless fight.
     
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  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey Pigless, your local girl here! Glad to hear about the graduation - I know that there were times over the years with my son that was not sure we would make that date!

    Now, it's all up to him....

    Mine was not ready to move out and be independent, nor was he college material right after graduation. We made a deal that he could live here as long as he had a job and contributed financially and physically to the home. Secretly, I knew he was not ready to leave the nest and didn't feel like shoving him out only to have him fail and return just when I was hitting my empty nest groove :)

    The last three years haven't always been easy, but overall our now mature mother-son relationship is very good. He has matured, in slow steady steps. He is moving into his first place later this summer and taking his Virginia EMS testing. By staying here and us setting guidelines, he has gained confidence, has been given time to really examine where he wants to be and do moving forward without a high level of anxiety, and is a cool young man.

    I hope things work out for Ferb -- some of them need to cook a little more but some are never done...it's up to them now.

    Sharon