Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by guest3, Oct 7, 2007.
You are crying over your loss, over what you could have had or did have... when something is not in your face making you feel horrible it is easy to make it seem not so bad... just let it out... don't beat yourself up, you have to do what is best for YOU!!!
Hang in there
You spent a large portion of your life with this man. It's ok to grieve over lost dreams and what could have been's. You're going through a big change. Don't beat yourself up. It's ok.
This is part og the grieving process. It is normal. It does not mean you want him back, acting the way he is. You are grieving your marriage, that ended abruptly without your permission! You did not ask for this. It is just like grieving a death.
The pain lessens with time. Believe me. Talk to KFLD, she is going through something similar.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))) and extra ones to GFGII.
Can you get some counseling? Between going through this and dealing with two difficult children....you really should seek some counseling. I'm sure it's difficult.
Sorry you hurt. But glad you're not being hurt anyMORE.
There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. We (divorcees) find this out if we are smart enough to get counseling and stay single while we work on becoming our best selves so we don't continue to repeat the same mistakes by choosing men just like we left.
Nothing is more painful than the death of a dream because you don't really get to bury something or say goodbye; it just goes and all your supposed hopes and aspirations go with it. I've been divorced almost 8 years and haven't had a burial for my divorce, it just gradually went away and I learned new and better things in counseling about how I would or would not be treated for the rest of my life. What I would and would not tolerate and how to voice that to anyone. How to be independent and not needy for the sake of material things. How to be strong for my child and for myself.
I didn't cry for three years. (no joke)
When I realized that leaving the familiar for the unknown was a far better thing than the fear I had before I actually stuck it out? I was proud of myself truly for the first time in a long time. I sought counseling to help me with my own short-comings, which were very complex, but once I got to know myself, I liked me and once I got to respect myself: NO ONE would disrespect me again. Not my kid, not the grocery clerk, not the hamburger window kid, not the lady at the mall, not my fiance...no one. Once you walk tall, you don't want to let go of the feeling, it's euphoric.
Not to say I don't have pity me days - we all have those. Personally for me? I buy dove chocolate and smear it on my silk pants. (another story) but you need a support system and a ing buddy that is not a.) family b.)any friend you want to keep - eventually they get tired of hearing you whine, and will bail on you. And once you get yourself in a better state of mind, are making better decisions for yourself that you're able to be proud of? It just keeps getting better for you, your kids and once you're sure of who you are, what you will and won't accept in your life, HOW you will or won't live (within reason) you become so attractive to the right sort of person - it's really intoxicating for a men to find a woman who is like you will be, by THEN you wont have to HAVE anyone in your life you'll WANT them in your life. You don't need anything - what do you want from here on out with your life?
You're a great person you know? I believe it, you need to start telling yourself that you deserve better, no- the best. And go for it.
Get some counseling seriously. Most mental health places will go on a sliding scale fee and it's a good thing to do for yourself.
(yes I was in counseling after my separation) still am. I can only improve myself from here on out.
sniff thanks, counseling is on the to do list, unfortunatley it's at the bottom under all of difficult children' appts
move it UP on that list.
You cannot take care of the KIDS
if you don't take care of YOU first.
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