Sometimes help is just help...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by StillStanding, Jan 19, 2017.

  1. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    There are many discussions about enabling and taking care of ourselves. I wonder... do you have any practical advice for things you have done that have helped your loved one?
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There is plenty of help to be had but only if the person accepts it. There is rehab, school interventions, community interventions, psychiatric help, psychiatric medications etc. Most of us have offered all to our kids. That in my opinion is practical advice.

    If they won't accept the help then nothing will work. It takes an effort. We can not help somebody not willing to try or to change. I'm sure plenty are helped by these resources but their parents don't need to come to this forum.
     
  3. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    I agree. I have often told my son that I will only provide help that he takes advantage of. I've just been thinking a lot lately about what practical things might have helped someone. Otherwise, it feels so hopeless.
     
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    One thing that helped my DS and myself is tried to stop getting upset and emotional. I tried to say things calmly, even if he didn't want to hear it. And I told him I loved him. I don't think I could live with myself if the last words I told him was mean or hateful. Ksm
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2017
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    StillStanding:

    It's hard to know how to comment without more information about your particular situation.

    In my personal situation, we tried everything under the sun to help our son but he did not want to change his ways. We left no rock unturned and would have gone to the ends of the earth for him to make his life better.

    Until I realized that it was all up to him! That I had to let go and let him do it. I was shocked to learn that. I thought parents were to fix it all....that we were magically supposed to have all the answers in keeping our child from his poor choices that resulted in suffering for him and us.

    For us it was not a sprint but a marathon. We are all better now since he is living apart from us - which is not something I wanted and practically begged him to follow the rules - but he is finally starting to care more about himself and take responsibility for his own life. It has not been easy.
     
  6. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    I agree with everything people have posted. What finally did work was I got out of his way! As RN said I realized it was finally all up to him. Good luck to you
     
  7. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    Thank you all for your answers. I was hoping there was something I hadn't thought of.
     
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I searched and searched for the one thing I thought I must not be aware of. The magic potion.

    I never found it. It doesn't exist. Just do what helps you.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Even talking them into rehab doesn't work. They may go to earn our favors but they won't learn or benefit until they are ready. Many timers they humor is to obtain money...for more drugs.

    There has not yet been a method invented to control others if they don't like our ideas. Many chose homelessness to getting clean
     
  10. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    "Just do what helps you" might be the wisest advice so far.