Hi Helpless,
I’m so sorry that you are on this awful roller coaster. It is beyond comprehension why our wayward adult children choose this life. It makes no sense to us, we did not raise them to be on the streets and would not accept the lifestyle for ourselves. When my daughter was somewhat sober, she told me it is a selfish life, all she wanted to do was party with no responsibilities.
There’s so many unanswered questions because his dad only was able to talk to him a few minutes .Today we have not heard from him. I’m so sad , but also angry he’s choosing to live like this. Why won’t he get help ?? I don’t understand.
I have had similar issues with my two. My eldest has chosen violent partners and ended up hospitalized a few times from being beaten. It is so difficult to witness as a parent. One day a few years back, I was getting ready for work and I spotted someone walking slowly up the road. It was Rain, she was crying and shaking. I asked her if I could take her to a DV shelter, or if she needed to go to the hospital and she shook her head no. I had to go to work, and because of past issues and her drug use, she could not stay at my home. I was worried sick and felt guilty that I had to keep my boundaries. The next day, she showed up on a shiny moped, all dressed up with a big smile on her face.
My daughter Tornado came up to my house around Christmas time and was obviously high and very chatty. She talked about her family just “accepting” her addiction and drug use. I told her that it was torture for me to have her living the way she is. She has a large scar on her upper back. I asked her about it and she said that her then “boyfriend” stabbed her with a broken bottle. Then she said she knows there is something wrong with her, because she still wanted to be with him after the attack. Sigh.
I still mourn over my daughters choices. I still get sad. I am only human. What I have stopped doing is spending too much of my time over analyzing, wanting an outcome and fixating on recovery and “normal” living
more than they do. That takes a lot of prayer.
Yes, terrible things can and do happen to our wayward adult kids on the streets. I feel that they know how to pull at our heartstrings and relay these stories (embellished or not) to keep us scared, dazed and bewildered. That makes it easier for us to be manipulated into sending money. To me, this is a form of abuse. To put oneself in these predicaments, then call one’s parents for help, only to go right back to that scenario, creates such emotional devastation for us.
I told my daughter that my form of “accepting” her lifestyle choices was to give her and her sister to God, and pray daily for them to realize their light and potential. Otherwise, I was living a slow, tormented death of sadness and helplessness. That’s not fair. I told her I loved them both, but to witness up close their destruction with drugs was unacceptable.
I have to strengthen what’s left of me, to take care of my grandaughter, and myself. That’s self preservation. And that’s okay. If I perish with every choice they make, if they decide to get sober, there will be nothing left of me.
I hope your son is okay, and that you are too.
I know it’s so hard, but you matter, your hubs matters. Your sanity and health matters.
Take care
(((hugs)))
Leaf
