My son is 22 years old and recently came to me about some very serious issues in his life. Apparently he's been lying to the family and others about nearly everything. He has a very severe non-verbal learning disability (45 point discrepancy between verbal and performance). There is also a history of delusional thinking, social anxiety, and severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
He coped with it well until the end of high school, when things started getting out of hand. I think it comes down to loneliness for him. He has trouble making friends and so he compensates by making things up. The difficulty he has with non-verbal cues and empathy makes friend-making very hard. The sad part is that now he has no actual friends because he's not a very good liar. The ones he says are too grandiose to hold up for long. So he's not going to climb the corporate ladder through his fantasy-making. Somehow, he managed to finish college.
The interesting thing is that my son wants help. He read Hare's Sociopath Checklist and felt that it fit him perfectly. He admits that his behavior is out-of-control, that he is acting like a 10 year old, and that he has regressed. He is willing to do virtually anything to stop this behavior but he can't do it on his own. He has started writing apology notes to the people he has hurt. A huge thing for him has been calling up people with whom had conflicts and saying "It was my fault. You were right. I was wrong. Please let me know if there is any way I can make it up to you." He is making amends where he can. I think he has a handle on his behavior by staying very close to us and asking our opinions before acting. Now he needs to figure out how to make these judgments on his own. He admits that he needs intensive treatment and is willing to do a residential program, voluntarily sign himself into a program, etc.
So here's someone who got into trouble later in life but wants out of all these games. How can I best help him?
He coped with it well until the end of high school, when things started getting out of hand. I think it comes down to loneliness for him. He has trouble making friends and so he compensates by making things up. The difficulty he has with non-verbal cues and empathy makes friend-making very hard. The sad part is that now he has no actual friends because he's not a very good liar. The ones he says are too grandiose to hold up for long. So he's not going to climb the corporate ladder through his fantasy-making. Somehow, he managed to finish college.
The interesting thing is that my son wants help. He read Hare's Sociopath Checklist and felt that it fit him perfectly. He admits that his behavior is out-of-control, that he is acting like a 10 year old, and that he has regressed. He is willing to do virtually anything to stop this behavior but he can't do it on his own. He has started writing apology notes to the people he has hurt. A huge thing for him has been calling up people with whom had conflicts and saying "It was my fault. You were right. I was wrong. Please let me know if there is any way I can make it up to you." He is making amends where he can. I think he has a handle on his behavior by staying very close to us and asking our opinions before acting. Now he needs to figure out how to make these judgments on his own. He admits that he needs intensive treatment and is willing to do a residential program, voluntarily sign himself into a program, etc.
So here's someone who got into trouble later in life but wants out of all these games. How can I best help him?