Sorry but need to vent a bit...this is my other difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mazdamama, Jan 18, 2012.

  1. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Quite frankly I still have no clue what difficult child is but know I have two of them. I do read many of the posts but don't always respond because lately I feel that I am going a bit bonkers and any advice from me would be to RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN!!! I do hope Bunny has had some relief by now with getting her difficult child in the psychiatric hospital.

    Daniel, my 11 yr old is doing great at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and learning alot about himself. His brother and I are going up Sat for a short visit in his cottage and then heading home. His dad, my bio son, was supposed to go but I spoke with the therapist and together we decided that this first visit should not include dear old dad. Besides, he would probably change his mind or come up with an excuse at the last moment and again disappoint this child he brought into the world. In the last 10 promises he has made to this child he has kept maybe 2.

    Today my 10 yr old puzzle got suspended from school for 5 days so including the weekend he has 7 days of vacation. He hates going to school and got what he wanted be able to stay home...but at home it is a different matter. David was abused in utero with the attempted suicide of bio mom with all neurological pills at 26 wks gestation. Born at 33 wks gestation due to a bad biophysical ultrasound by emergency c-section and spent 2 wks in an Orlando hospital.

    He has definately been diagnosis'd as an Aspie in the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) but he has major developmental delays along with what else...have no clue...the specialist in developmental and behavioral called David a "puzzle" as there are many things mixed in there that cannot be determined. David knows the entire world including capitols of all the countries and all the states here in the US. Can draw maps of everything and taught me what pangea is. His favorite books are atlases and his goal is to be a geographer. He is smart as a whip and teaches himself things that he wants to learn but when it comes to school there are problems.

    He is ESE inclusion with at least 70% of his classmates being without disabilities. He has extra time for tests, less homework and less schoolwork then the other kids. He also has a Social Skills class supposedly led by a behavior specialist. This guy is always calling me to get David calmed down.

    Today he could not get to the teacher's class fast enough and things esculated. David did not want his female teacher to wear the sweater she had on. Told her to take it OFF NOW. She told him she was cold and needed it. He kept telling her to take it off and yelling at her threats, said he would cut up. At one point she turned her back on him and he punched her in the back with his fist and told her to take the sweater off again. By then SS teacher had come in and took him to his room and called me to come get him ASAP. I turned around from where I was going (to my therapist) and go to the school. An officer is there to take a report from the teacher although she did not file charges. I had the parent advocate meet me there and before she got there I was told...could have been 10 day suspension or even expulsion but we know he has problems and only giving him 5 days suspension.

    His punishment at home was the loss of all atlases (he has 11), globes (4) and numerous maps that are now locked in my shed. He had a meltdown at first but is so very happy he does not have to go to school. When things had calmed down he came and sat on my lap and I asked why he did not like his teacher's sweater. Get this " Mommy, that lady on the shark movie we saw one day had the same sweater on and she got eaten by a shark". I did inform the asst principal of his reasoning. He was trying to protect the teacher from getting eaten by a shark wearing that sweater (we live inland) but did not know how to verbalize his fears. Whether she would have understand the concept I have no clue.

    His whole darn IEP talks about managing to get him to do his school work so he can take the FCAT and pass it. Where it asks if any special things are to positive behavior intervention stratigies it says...NONE NEEDED. Although it just reads that he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) on the top if you really read the thing it shows clinical for many other things. I have asked for 3 yrs now that he get an aide that is with him all day only to be told he does not qualify and they have no funding. IEP meeting to be set for when he goes back to school next Thurs and if it does Occupational Therapist (OT) go how I feel it should go I will be heading to the school board and they have no clue who they are dealing with.....ROAR!!

    Just really needed to vent....they tried to blame these behaviors on Daniel but they have been going on since he began school....just have esculated over the years.

    Oh ...David has develped tics. He is constantly clearing his throat. No temp, lungs clear but this has been going on for a bit and worsening. Took him to pedi yesterday to have him checked out. All clear. She diagnosis'd a tic and asked if I had noticed the one in his legs. Nope....legs moving involuntarily. So he is a puzzle and the school cannot seem to get the outer edges together.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We've had the throat clearing tic from both boys. It was a bit different in difficult child 1, he didn't start it until after he began his volunteer work at the zoo (aged about 18). He was trying to imitate the call of a male emu, and then couldn't stop. It sounds like a cross between throat clearing and a gulp. At least it was quiet!

    Your son should not have hit the teacher, but he was acting on impulse and out of fear and frustration. If someone had asked him "why?" as you did, then maybe it wouldn't have escalated so fast. He perhaps needs a safe place to go, to get away from an escalating situation. Suspension is not appropriate in these cases. The schools forget what the purpose is for suspension - it is designed to punish the kid, to help them learn what is NOT appropriate. But in kids like this, nothing gets learned with suspension, unless it is to continue to behave badly as a way of (one way or another) getting out of a stressful place. Our kids need to learn appropriate ways to cope, and we lose vital opportunities to teach this. And if a little time and compassion is used, the lesson is learned far faster that way, than by a knee-jerk suspension reaction.

  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    First of all, ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))). A whole big basket of them - take one or two or twelve out and just wrap yourself up in them. It is a special basket that refills with super-soft extra-love-power hugs.

    You sure have your hands full. It sounds like difficult child 1, Daniel, is taken care of for the time being. difficult child 2 now needs attention. difficult child stands for Gift from God, the difficult child who brought you here. If you hover the mouse over abbreviations that are underlined in posts, the abbreviation will show up. I don't know how Cheryl found or created that function, but it is awesome, in my opinion.

    WHo has evaluated David and do you have some confidence that they have given him the right labels? Not so much because a label determines his future, but more because some labels open certain doors and some don't. What labels will get what he needs?

    I can see why he doesn't want to be in school. I probably wouldn't either. Is there ANYONE who would think to stop and ask WHY her sweater was such a big deal in a way that would enable him to ANSWER in a way that would let him show them WHY it was a problem?

    I think it shows he has an incredibly sweet nature that he would be so afraid that she would get killed by a shark because she was wearing that sweater that he would go so far as to hurt her to try to get her to a safe state. From back when I was babysitting as a teen I always said that I would use spanking only for truly serious situations where I had to get the child's attention and get them to mind me immediately or they could be in serious danger. Situations like running toward a busy street as fast as the child could, or trying to stick a fork into an electrical outlet. I would use a little bit of pain, an amount they would survive, to make the action something they did NOT want to do ever so that I would save them the much greater pain of the action. I still follow this and believe it is reasonable for MOST kids. Of course it isn't right for every kid - they are kids not plastic dolls from a factory.

    Anyway, that is the general thought process I see behind his actions. Of course it all happened so FAST that he couldn't tell them even if they would listen. It was a gut level, visceral response just like you would feel if you saw a 2you running straight into a busy 4 lane road.

    I don't understand WHY the school felt the need to escalate it. WHY they don't have a way to redirect him, and WHY they cannot see that out of school suspension is NOT a good thing.

    Is he on medications? What medications, for what, and do you feel they are helping and the right medications for him? Who is prescribing them and do you feel you have a good relationship with this dr?

    Who did the IEP evaluation? How many days has David been suspended? Is there another school or class or program that you feel may be better for him? What do you think the IDEAL educational setting for him would be? Has he had a Functional Behavioral Assessment and does he have a POSITIVE Behavior Intervention Plan? If not, why not?

    Has he ever had an MRI and been evaluated for seizures and other neurological problems? Are you aware that given the mother's behavior he might have some degree of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? Lots of pregnant women in mental health crises reach for alcohol and other drugs. Just because he has Aspergers does NOT mean he cannot have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) or other problems wth his brain due to her substance abuse.

    The school sounds like they are doing almost NOTHING that will actually be effective at helping and educating David. I am sorry. It is so frustrating because we can see the enormous potential of our kids but their advanced knowledge in one or a few areas is often used against them as some type of "proof" that they are purposely misbehaving when they have problems. Sometiems they are, but often they have been TAUGHT to misbehave to get what tehy want. Their poor understanding of social rules makes these problems HUGE for them.

    I am sorry I don't remember more of the details of his story. I am having memory problems today. On that issue (info, problems remembering details), do you have a Parent Report for each child? I believe that the Parent Report is the most powerful weapon in your Warrior Mom arsenal, second ONLY to love. What is a Parent Report? Long before I joined this family, some of the moms worked out a way to keep ALL the information about our difficult child in ONE binder. Yup. EVERYTHING in ONE binder. It is awesome because you have ALL the details of everything at hand when you walk into any meeting or appointment. (I also found it kinda fun to watch the teachers and doctor's eyes get REALLY WIDE when they realized that the binder was ONLY about difficult child, not the laws, the disorder, or anything else that didn't apply to him. The first time after I started the report it wasn't finished so I added about 100 blank pages to bulk it up, lol. Perception can do a LOT. That and the postit notes on the reference books made them as intimidated as they wanted me to feel when they walked just me into that room with 10 people who were ALL there to tell me how I messed him up and it was my job to make him fit school not the other way around. I was warned about that by a sp ed teacher who adored Wiz. We adore her too, of course!)

    Anyway, I think a Parent Report could be a HUGE asset for you. You would need one for each difficult child. The link in my signature will take you to the thread that explains the Parent Report and has the outline for it. Don't try to do it all at one time, not for either child. Work on it in chunks.

    by the way, are you aware that they MUST give you certain notice of IEPs and a phone call doesn't meet the obligation unless you accept it as notification? It is in the federal law that you are supposed to get notice by mail or similar method (and a note sent home with a child does NOT NOT NOT qualify, just in case they try that nonsense!) a certain number of days in advance. For an emergency meeting there may be another accommodation, I am not sure about that. The IEP meeting next week sounds liek they want to change his placement or something. Make SURE you have an advocate, don't sign the IEP right away and if he has had 10 days of suspension then you should probably have an attorney. Actually, if at all possible, it would be wise to have an attorney even if you also have an advocate. I am VERY alarmed that they called the police. He is eleven for crying out loud. Yes, it is never okay to hit someone. I just don't trust schools to not try something nasty to one of our kids.
  4. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Thanks for the hugs and comments. I do have an entire top drawer of a file cabinet with David's info from over the years including his birth record from when he was air lifted to Orlando after his birth.
    He was a very floppy baby and did not know he had a left side at all. That was when it was discovered that part of his right brain had not developed and he was hydrocephalic. A shunt was not put in because of the extra room in his skull. He was evaluated for seizures as it appeared he was having petit mal ones but a 48 hr test showed no seizure activity. He was also diagnosis'd with a spinal tether which the neurosurgeon released when he was 7. He was having bowel problems and getting extremely constipated. The surgeon and neurologist noted it was in an area where bowel function could be hindered. Since the surgery no more constipation.
    Bio mom and dad were living with me for the majority of this pregnancy and there was no alcohol in the house but one of the medications she took and OD'd on with the combo of other medications was Zoloft. She was on that for her own mental problems.
    David was seen in St Petersburg at All Children's by a developmental and behavioral specialist that is well known and is known to be a great dr. He is and he is the one that said that David is a puzzle. He diagnosis'd him with the high functioning autism, developmental delays, megacephalic (big head) and behavioral issues. Each and every report from him was copied and given to the school. I did finally stop taking him to Dr S because the man was toooo busy. The medications were not being monitored that he was on, no blood work ordered, etc. If you had an appointment and broke down on the 2 1/2 hr drive there it would be 6 months before you could get fit in again. Locally he sees an ARNP for a psychiatrist and the first thing she said was HE NEEDS LABWORK!!. He also sees a therapist there that he really listens to, This is to a point that when she tells him to be positive about things and smile he gets this big smile on his face. On the short ride back to the school he keeps that funny smile but when we get back in the office he will ask if he can now stop smiling because his face is hurting.
    Right now he is on Abilify 2.5 mg AM & PM, Focalin XR 15 mg in the AM and Prozac 10 mg in the AM. Did contact his therapist (who is livid at the school) and she is contacting the ARNP. School had mentioned having him Baker Acted. This is not a mental health issue....this is a neurological issue. That would be the worst thing they could do.

    He was below grade level last year and got a 1 on the FCAT, smae problems they are having this year. He was passed to 4th for good cause.....still is not learning a darn thing there but is expected to take and pass the 4th grade FCAT.

    This is an extremely brilliant child (probably a savant) that when he was 7 months old I was told would never walk or talk. He does both. I even have a pin that reads "Not All Autistic Children Don't Talk, Some Never Shut Up!" He is losing out on an education that he deserves and now they will be dealing with me. With Daniel safe where he is I have a bit more fight in me. I am going to demand that he has an aide that knows how to work with a child with autism AND developmental delays that make him act like a 4-5 yr old. They can change his placement for all I care as long as he is getting the education he deserves. Mama MAD!!
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You need an advocate, and probably a second opinion on the IEP. JMO, but... seriously?

    But I do know that... kids who don't fit in nice neat little check-off boxes, often don't get what they need. It doesn't even have to be this severe...
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    boy do I feel your pain

    So sorry for him. As I got the results of recent pt, Occupational Therapist (OT), Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) testing i was hit in the face again with how many deficits these kids have and how they are so misunderstood. I asked the principal last time he suspended Q... can you tell me what the goal of this suspension is? One thing he tried to say was well, I have to show the teachers and kids that this is not acceptable. Well, since you are not allowed to tell anyone that you suspended him are you saying that you are breaking the law? OH, Well he needs to learn these things have consequences. UMM again. Do you mean to tell me that you think next time this situation happens you expect he will think, GEE, I better not do this or I will be suspended! Again, stupid. I asked if his goal was to teach Q something... yes. Well that has never happened, research says it does not work (as your son is showing you.... LOVES the vacation, for mine it increases stress because missing school is the END OF THE WORLD and so he worries every time he THINKS someone is mad at him and goes into fight or flight mode.... The whole thing makes no sense.

    Should he get away with that?? of course not. But the consequence should be related to the issue, AND there should be a way for him to explain and repair the relationship teaching him about using words. A goal to help develop reasoning, to reduce black and white thinking (she MUST take the sweater off... it is the ONLY way to solve the problem) needs to be added to the IEP. He needs visuals in the mean time and a plan to help him immediately when he makes a demand that shows he is in high anxiety mode. If they say he is doing it because he just wants control or some other dumb behavioral thing, explain that the control is only because of the skills he needs... it is all he can do to solve the problem.

    I am just sick to death of people being lazy and not doing the right thing for kids with these issues.

    IF that was ME??? I would have taken the sweater off and then called for support, in a true support way.... someone to sit with them and talk it out. With the sweater out of the picture. Ask him how she should get warm? Does he think a shark is nearby? Use a problem solving method that they can work on with him over and over for different kinds of real and pretend problems for practice. I would be embarrassed to tell you that I got into a power struggle with your child over a sweater. I am not kidding here, I have taken jewelry off, used different color pens and pencils, switched chalk if someone thinks a piece is too noisy, whatever... It is not worth escalating a child's anxiety. She could still have worn the sweater but for that moment, to de-escalate the situation, she could have taken it off.

    Q is his most demanding when he is his most anxious. And it is NOT subtle so it does not take an expert on Q to figure out it is time to use the CIP deescalation protocols or whatever we have identified works for him... I suspect that could happen for him too.

    Ok off the soapbox now...

    Has he had an FBA done? I like them to a degree (some people get very locked into the external reasons for things and a strict category of behaviors only being due to escape, attention, etc...

    Still, it is a mandated kind of behavior evaluation that requires them to define a problem behavior, analyze what happens before during and after the behavior then to look at alternatives to the situation. IF the issue is the environmental triggers, then may have to switch those up. If the issue is the work is too hard or overwhelming then need to modify that. IF it is "attention" which behavior books and expert teachers say is identified MOST of the time and is LEAST often the real issue.... well then it is important to teach better ways to get attention. NOT TO IGNORE because unless you are in a vacuum, it is nearly impossible to ignore a behavior.. A KID will look or laugh or gasp, a teacher will make a face, they may be forced to react due to safety etc. It is just not a do-able method. BUT you can reduce reinforcing attention and work to help the child thru modeling of correct behavior etc. Besides, it usually is not done to GET attention at first, but attention can increase or decrease a behavior depending on if they get embarrassed.

    After the FBA is done, they must write a POSITIVE behavior plan. That means that after identifying the target issue, triggers (both internal states, medications, moods, etc. and external...colors, noises, work load, teasing, change in routine etc....), and what people do after that may not be working... as well as identifying what he needs setting wise, supply wise etc... and what he needs to do or to learn to develop skills to do the correct behavior... THEN they write a plan to help develop the skills needed to do the correct behavior and to increase it. NOT a plan to decrease the negative behavior.

    This is a federal mandate so they must do this. IF he is on an IEP and this is his first suspension, he has only five days left for the rest of the year before a manifestation determination. OUr disability law center says to call for help long before that and it sounds like you did that right away! I sure hope she can help you get an FBA done and that your dumb *** admin (may be good, I dont know them, but this was a bone head decision... go home then, fine but FIVE days, how stupid, you just gave him a great reason to act up if he loves not going to school)

    If you have a disability law center that can help, call them because once a charge is filed many of them wont help. Better to get them on board first, at least that is what I was told and why they jumped in quickly.

    Well, in the end it sounds like you got punished for his disability and he got rewarded. Really good. (not)
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Is he on medications? None of his medications cause tics?? just wondering. Q has tics too. And some of it causes intense behaviors. brain triggers are not clear cut. who knows how he is feeling overall if that is going on.

    I am glad the teacher is ok. I am not unsympathetic at all. just wishing they would be more thoughtful about what will help everyone here, most especially difficult child. (OH, that is gift from god...did anyone tell you that yet? And the underlined words can be explained by putting your cursor on them for the definition).
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know some say stims can't cause tics, but the only time Wiz had them was when he was on a HUGE dose of concerta and when it was removed the tics stopped. No one would specifically say that they changed the medication because he was having tics but he had not ever had them before and he has not had them since. So I would wonder about the focalin causing them. Or possibly the abilify because isn't tardive dyskinesia a possible side effect? I could be wrong on that - have not looked it up or had a kid on it in forever.

    I hope you can get help for them. Buddy has awesome ideas. She also knows the laws quite well.
  9. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    You may be right about the Abilify although he has been on it awhile. I am beginning to wonder if it is the stress he gets from school causing it.
    I just emailed a scathing email to the principal, (ass)t principal, teacher, guidance counselor and parent advocate. Been doing alot of reading and they are in violation of FAPE...going through WrightsLaw now. David has not progressed since the 2nd grade but is in the 4th.

    I also let them have it about esculating his behavior issues instead of de-esculating them by asking him what the problem is. Instead of teacher saying she was cold over and over she could have asked him why he did not like her sweater. Do these people have brains or since they mahanged to get one of my special needs guys out of their school they are trying to get rid of the other?

    School Board meeting next Thurs night...if I don't have appropiate responses by then I WILL BE THERE.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That pin that says some autistic kids don't shut up - I WANT ONE!!!

    With the cause and effect as to why he has these problems - it may not have anything to do with the bio-mom's OD. I was on high doses of salbutamol orally throughout my pregnancy with difficult child 3, plus labour was very difficult, he should have been a caesarean birth. However, although I have asked, nobody is willing to accept that either of these are likely to have a bearing on difficult child 3's autism.

    Certain congenital defects happen at certain times of pregnancy. It all relates to the time in the pregnancy when this bit or that bit is developing. This is why low folate levels before pregnancy (technically, covering the first few weeks of pregnancy) have a direct bearing on neural tube defects - because the embryo at that stage is developing the mesoderm layer which is where the CNS is made. Depending on when, and for how long, and to what degree there is a lack, determines how bad the defect is.

    And sometimes some congenital defects just happen. I was born with a dud kidney. It wasn't identified as a problem until I was 20. It sort of worked for the first 20 years but when I got an infection that wouldn't go away, they discovered that the kidney wasn't draining (hence the bacteria, once there, could not be eliminated). Why did that happen to me? We don't know. But it won't be due to drugs, or alcohol. My mother was a teetotal non-smoker living off what the family produced on our own property. I have a sister with a similar kidney problem (only hers drains better) and another sister's daughter with another variation on a theme. This implies a genetic component in our case. But who knows?

    Sometimes bad things happen to good people. We tend to think too much in terms of cause and effect, of blame and responsibility. But sometimes something just IS. We need to learn to let go where necessary, to avoid tearing ourselves to pieces about stuff.

    In the same way, when dealing with kids like ours, we need to get them out of the cause and effect trap. If we focus on personal responsibility too much, we teach our children that they can avoid personal responsibility if they can deflect blame elsewhere. It is a difficult lesson to undo. And we are very much programmed to parent this way, so many of us, by the previous generations. "You did that wrong, now you need to fix it up. Take it apart again, then do it over. No, I can't do it for you, because you have to learn."

    Our kids learn fastest when we work with them. If we help them, then ask them to help us, we are actually teaching them two tasks - theirs and ours. We are also teaching them cooperation, which doesn't come naturally especially to autistic kids.

    I found when it comes to educating autistic kids, I had to ensure a heavy component of education at home, even when my child was in mainstream. The classroom was such a challenging place for him that he didn't learn anything much there despite having an access to education. Instead, he learnt more academically in the times he was at home (suspension; ill-health) than he ever did in his years attending school every day.

    That's why I strongly urge parents of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids to turn the home into a creative learning centre, an enriched environment. Always have higher expectations of your child than are realistic - because especially if there are savant skills in there, they need extending and valuing. difficult child 3 was exposed to the enrichment material of his older siblings, so at the age of 6 he had read his father's first aid textbook cover to cover and memorised most of the techniques. He had taken on board a lot of the educational notes I stuck behind the toilet door (so those sitting in contemplation had something to contemplate!). If your child takes it on board, then great! if not, at least it is there somewhere below their consciousness. And your guests will find themselves learning things they never thought they would need! My BFF reckons that she can now recite the definition of Avagadro's number from memory, purely from the time she has spent in our loo.

    In our house, we love blu-tak.

  11. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    LOL Got the pin at a CARD convention I attended.....most likely it can be found online.

    As for the home being the best for learning...that is what I am finding...David does his work for me and does know how to do it but at school.....forget it...too many kids in the class....not enough one on one....David is not a social person and hates being in a place (like the cafeteria) with too many people there.

    I told the asst principal...who I can't stand because she does not have a clue about ESE kids....that home-schooling him was not possible. Now she did agree on that because he needs the socialization. Today he has completed four of his assignments without an issue...2 in the AM and 2 before dinner. To stay on task he needs someone at his side or his mind wanders, He has a very short attention span with everything BUT the world. He can sit all day and draw maps, read atlases, tell strangers about Pangea and what countries used to have other names. He taiught himself how to tell time at the age of 4 and when our pastor has run over the normal time church is over he has let him know. He has a magnadoodle that he carts around and wrote on it while I was listening to the sermon. He stood on the pew holding it read BIG CHURCH IS OVER!! He got mad at me a few years ago...think it was 1st grade....when I would not write his name on his homework paper. He said "That's it! I will write it backwards!!" And he did.....his entire name which is long with our surname and his middle name....wrote it as fast backwards as he could write it forwards. Went around recitiing the alphabet backwards without a pause. He does apparently have a photgraphic memory and the one great grade he gets at school is in spelling because he only has to look at the list once and he knows them.
    I want his education to be enriched and they keep telling me to take his maps, globes and atlases away so that he will focus on something else. I won't take them away permanently....right now he has lost them for the suspension but he will grab a piece of paper and still draw the world.
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    difficult child 3 used to follow me around with his Magnadoodle and anything especially vital, he would write down to communicate it.

    One word of caution - I do not agree with the automatic premise tat kids with autism MUST be in mainstream because they need to be socialised. Our kids do not pick up social skills just by being around other kids. if anything, they can pick up BAD social habits because the environment is too chaotic for them and too uncontrolled.

    difficult child 3 did a lot better socially when we took him out of mainstream. He had a lot of bad behaviours to unlearn.

  13. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Gotta love those magnadoodle boards...sure saves alot of paper.

    When David started there at age 3 he was in the ESE preK classroom for the first two years. Had a great teacher but did come home with a couple problems...wanted a bottle because another child was still drinking from one...was wetting himself at naptime although potty trained. Since being mainstreamed the language...ugh...he has learned is horrible. Some of his other behavior issues he picked up from his big brother who is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) right now with mental health issues.
    I guess my email hit some nerves though as an IEP review has been scheduled for the 30th. That gives me plenty of time to get my ammunition prepared. I did let them now that they have failed FAPE since David has not progressed since 2nd grade and that I was going through WrightsLaw page by page. Mentioned that David does know the work when it is done on a one on one basis and that I have been requesting an aide or para for him for two years now to no avail. It was not a nice email that I sent and I am usually a nice person.....just don't mess with my boys.
    Apparently it was forwarded to the head of the ESE dept and to the only staffing specialist in our county that is Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) certified. Problem with that is she is not the staffing specialist for all the schools with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids and is not the one for David's school. I am glad that they finally are going to include someone that KNOWS what the heck they are doing.

    They have been wasting a beautiful and intelligent mind. If I could physically and mentally handle home schooling I would but I have missed so many of my own medical appts alrready that it is impossible, Since David hates to go into large stores where there are alot of people I generally run all my errands, appts and shopping while he is in school.

    Rock and a Hard Place.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Excellent that you are on the path to a better education for your son.
    But I cannot figure out why he wasn't getting spec svcs to begin with. I missed the original notes and will have to backdate.
    Clearly, he is Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and brilliant. Sigh.
    Even though the teacher's sweater incident was fraught with-anger and frustration, I could see the cute little boy, panicked, and it was actually kind of cute, reading it from my end (clearly very detached).
    I agree with-the others. Why didn't someone just ask WHY he didn't like it? The teacher could then have said that sharks cannot come into the classroom because they can't breathe, and if she rolls up the sleeves a bit, it's a special shark protector. Don't know if that would have worked but it's certainly better than turning her back on him, getting smacked, and then earning him a silly, nonproductive suspension.

    So sorry.
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The frustration of a brilliant mind left unstimulated - oh yes, I remember that one!

    difficult child 3 started school having already been reading for several years and able to do simple maths problems. So while the other kids are learning how to read double digit numbers, difficult child 3 was left to stagnate. He wouldn't do "baby work" or anything he found too easy and boring, and their rule was - got to do the other stuff before you can be given extension work. So he never got extension work.

    And now - he struggles with work he should be able to do easily, because he never learnt how to work properly, because the level was never set right for him.

    He'll be 18 next week and is still very much a work in progress.

  16. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    The IEP meeting has been scheduled for the 30th and should be interesting because it seems the Director of the ESE Dept will be there along with the only trained Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) staffing specialist. Since this is after David's date to return to school one of my friends has said I should keep him home until the meeting and have him sit in the office while I am in the meeting. I think she is thinking of what problems they can cause him to have over a two day period without the IEP being redone.
    Today we worked on a couple on his homeowrk assignments. It was so easy for him....he just went right through the answers and was done in 10 minutes. This is with me sitting next to him and making sure his focus stayed where it belonged.

    We did stop at a yard sale today after dealing with a few issues that my dad needed me for. He saw a dictionary...a big one....and got so excited the woman having the sale just told him he could have any of the books he wanted there free of charge. Not often you see kids go wild over a dictionary.....and we have lots of them here.

    Excited right now as we are leaving early in the morning to go up to Jacksonville FL....about a 5 hr see my other difficult child (I LOVE GIFT FROM GOD). I cannot wait to hug my little man. Sadly, ever since my son, the bio dad of the boys, found out that the therapist would not let him visit yet he has not even asked about him. As for the little guy here...well he has not seen his dad since Daniel left over 3 wks ago. Thing is David could care less if he sees him or not and Daniel already knows Dad is a DUD.