you are doing a beautiful job of putting in a post all the turmoil that goes thru a parent's mind when their difficult child is so out of control. reading the anguish, the second guessing, the constant need for reassurance reminds me of myself many times with ant. your conversations with Barb and others are being read possibly by others in similar situations but fearful of speaking out. I know I was PM'd by several moms too fearful to publicly speak out after watching a poster be put down or made to feel even worse than when they first came onboard. do not be afraid of speaking your concerns, your wishy washy back and forths, your fear for your son, and your thoughts of what to do. we all wavered like you til we grew our strength. you deserve to speak and be heard. you have not harmed anyone. I truly understand and hope you are not muzzled and are allowed to speak what you must. the decision for action will be ultimately yours, and you alone will bear the results of your decisions. listen long and patiently to others advice and we will be patient with you as well. those who are tired of talking or listening please ignore this post. those who need it will see it. one of my parents' favorite sayings "if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all" seems to fit. after all we didnt become warrior moms overnight.