Hello everyone, I have tried to find a support group for step parents of child with ADHD and additional behavior disorders and was unsuccessful. If anyone out there knows of any, I would love the information. I am choosing to vent on here because when I talk to my friends about what I'm dealing with, they just don't get it. Here is my situation: I have a 8 year old stepson who has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety disorder, and disruptive behavior disorder. He has been a difficult child since about age 5, or at least that is when the schools made his mother get him tested because of his out of control behavior at school. He is on medication for ADHD and now the doctors have recommended more medication to deal with the other issues on top of the ADHD medication. My husband and I have a son together that just turn 2 and is the most loving, easy child to parent, the best way to describe it is he parents himself. My husband gets his other son for 9 weeks during the summer, as soon as his school ends until it begins again. My husband also makes the effort to drive 9 hours to see him for 3 to 4 day weekends every other month. His son is also near where my husbands parents live so he is able to stay there and see his family. I do not go on these trips for several reasons, but the biggest reason is I can't handle being around his son. I know it sounds horrible but here are a few, and i mean a few of the reasons why because if i vented about everything, it would take hours to write. The first time myself and the baby went to my husbands family, the baby was only 8 months, of course I expected his other son to be jealous, but i soon realized it was more than that. My stepson who was 6 at the time, pointed a dart gun at my son and said "time to kill the baby", luckily my husband just walked in the room and overheard this. Anytime my husband stepped out of sight, my stepson knew it was his chance to act up. When we got him last summer for the first time, it was a nightmare, my summers have turned into a nightmare that I just try and survive. We have 4 little dogs, and anytime my husband wasn't looking he would try and hurt them by kicking or hitting them with things, my husband thought i was exaggerated until one finally yelped, then he wasn't allowed to touch the dogs. He asked what would happen if he choked one of the dogs. He asked me "what if Mason (my son) killed you". He went after one of the dogs with a pair of scissors while my husband was in the bathroom. He gets naked for no reason at inapproriate times and in front of people we have visiting our house. He constantly is in trouble for doing what he knows isn't allowed like climbing over furniture, kicking and throwing things in the house. I have to put any thing that is irrepaceble or important and lock it in one room while he is here. I feel horrible that I have to expose our other son to him and all his issues. His has developed new behavior problems since he was here last where he is compelled to lick things and then he thinks he's going to die. He has tried to punch his mom in the face, and just a month ago got in trouble at school for grabbing other kids in the privates. He also broke a 1600 dollar flat screen tv at his moms when he got mad and threw a remote control at the screen. My husband and I went to counseling to get through last summer and I continued on my own. My husband thought everything would be perfect last summer and had a hard time when he realized I couldn't stand to be around his son. As soon as the baby went to sleep, I would take all the dogs and retreat to the upstairs so I could just enjoy the calm. This boy scares me, I hide matches from him for I think he would try and burn the house down. I'm also terrified of him being left alone for a second with our other son because I know he would do something to him. I've told my husband all this and he accepts it because over the past year he has started to finally come out of denial about what is going on with his other son. He even admits it's hard for him to accept, i try and get him to read and educate himself on what is going on with him and how to help him, but he is so much in denial that he just chooses not to deal with it when he's not with us. I don't ever let my husband take our son home with him because i'm afraid he will leave him alone with my stepson because he doesn't see what a danger he is. My hands are tied on helping this child because I'm not his parent and I can't make my husband admit what is going on and we definitely have no control over how his mom is handling him. Which she is a huge part of the problem too, she is very lazy, hasn't worked in over a year, lives on welfare and child support, had a guy move in to help pay the bills. She thinks the medication and therapy is going to fix him and that she doesn't need to change her parenting of him even though the phd's recommend her learning different behavior modification techniques. So it's very frustrating for me, some days I want to throw in the hat and just take my son and leave because I am forced to deal with this boy and I can see him getting worse and worse. I know I can't predict the future but if his parents don't get on board with what the professionals are telling them, this boy is going to be more dangerous than he already is and I'm going to have to protect my own even if it means ending my marriage. Which is a sad thought, I love my husband dearly, but I won't sacrifice the safety and well being of my son. I know this is difficult for my husband and I do sympathize with him, but I try and get my husband to see my side and I think he is finally grasping that his son isn't my blood and I will not sacrifice the well being of our son for his. This is probably the biggest problem because I think my husband expected me to deal with his son as he does, but he didn't factor in that he has unconditional love for him and i do not. I get all sorts of advice from people that have no idea what it's like to be around a child with these behavior issues and sometimes they make me feel like i'm not trying. What I learned through my counseling is that I can only control my piece, i can tell my husband what I think and feel, my suggestions on how to make our summers work better and how I react to our step son. For the most part I do not let him get to me now as he pokes and prods me, but there are the times when I just have to be away from my step son and my husband has a hard time understanding that. My counseling really help me realized I can't help this kid because he is not my kid, I can't parent him because I'm not his parent, some may take that as i'm not trying, but really how can you force someone to parent their child the way you see needs done? You can't, and I have come to accept that fact. So all I can do is control myself and my portion of this. Does anyone out there understand what I'm going through?