I just wanted to drop in and say hi and that I'm still kicking. I've been around in spirit. I found out that the internal bleed that I had after the angioplasty was to the tune of 4-5 pints of blood loss. I'm experiencing some rather uncomfortable effects of the body absorbing that blood, i.e., what I have come to call freezing sweats - where I am dripping sweat but have goosebumps all over my body and cannot get warm. I will go in the bathroom and turn the shower on as hot as it will go to let the bathroom fill up with steam and just sit in there where it's warm. I have met with the Cardiologist (Thursday actually) and was told this is because this blood is not being filtered by the liver and I'm just going to have to endure it. I do go back to him on Friday for an echo because I'm still having angina and they are saying I shouldn't be after what they did 2 weeks ago. They're not in a big hurry to do another angioplasty. I have to say, neither am I. I have signed up for cardiac rehab, but the cardiologist wants me to wait for a month because of the complications I've had. He also said mine is a complex case and he doesn't want to wait til June to see me again - which is the appointment they set for me when I was discharged from the hospital. I'm also having a hard time adjusting to the fact that I have a life-altering illness. A bit of grieving, I guess you could say. I have 2 children at home and I worry about leaving them. I know, I know...borrowing trouble...but it's always there in the back of my mind. I find myself doing things to make sure things are "in order". I find myself on the verge of tears a lot. I find myself wondering if I'm going to be one of the 23% who dies of a heart attack within one year of the first heart attack. I force those thoughts out of my head. The doctors were surprised by what they found when they did the angioplasty and the one doctor told my mother that he doesn't know why I didn't have a major heart attack resulting in death or permanent disability with the blockage I had. Literally days before all this happened, I had given notice at work effective April 30 to do in-home daycare in order to be more available to difficult child. I have since emailed my boss and asked for the opportunity to reconsider my resignation. I cannot be without health insurance at this point. I haven't been back to work yet to talk to him about this, so this is also hanging over my head. Chances are above average that I will be able to keep my job, but it's just one more thing, you know? I was planning on returning to work today on reduced hours, but was still feeling so miserable. I hope to go in tomorrow. I haven't told difficult child yet. I'm not looking forward to that conversation. She was so excited that I was going to be home. Sigh..... On the plus side, I haven't had a headache in almost 2 weeks. I used to have a headache every day to varying degrees. I have more energy than I've had in years. Muscle weakness is gone. In other words, the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I was diagnosis'd with in February was really Coronary Artery Disease. My mother was at the hospital everyday - spent the night at the hospital the night I had the angioplasty - and at my house everyday to help out. This has seemed to push us through our issues and into a good place. I'm doing all the right things. I haven't had a cigarette since March 12 - the day I went to the ER. I've cut out all trans fat and really watch saturated fat and read all ingredients before buying/eating. I'm eating a lot of fruits and veggies. I've signed up for cardiac rehab. Sorry for rambling. Just feeling a little scared and down this evening. I've missed all of you.