Strike 3; he's out

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Jul 9, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    difficult child is out of day camp for good.

  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Oh Shari, I'm so sorry.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm so sorry. I know you must be frustrated and disappointed.
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm so sorry Shari.
    As annoying as it is, it's really the sinking feeling that your difficult child has had another failure and your life and his won't get better.
  5. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    I'm sorry to hear that.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    That's exactly it.

    Where do you get care for a mood disordered child? Or do I stay home with him, lose my job and benefits, and go on public assistance? Surely there is a happy medium.

    And I just hurt for him. He had to leave while watching the other children have birthday cake that he couldn't have. When I got there to pick him up, he broke down in giant crocodile tears, telling me he was sorry, and sobbing because now I won't be able to work and we'll be poor. ho wmuch can his little self take before he just gives up on even trying? i mean...he sat out of swimming at camp because he knows he had a hard time following their he asked to sit out and do math sheets. How much more can you ask of a 7 year old?

    And now they just called to say he can come back tomorrow, but after that, he's out. That would at least allow him to say goodbye, but I don't about your mixed messages.
  7. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    I am so sorry! Sending you BIG HUGS!!!

    Unfortunatly with Little Bear I did end up staying home because he was kicked out of 3 daycares and one private school.
    It feels horrible when your child is asked to leave. I hated trying to explain to difficult child why he couldn't go back. It was heartbreaking because he always wanted to. :sad-very:

    I found a private sitter willing to try but after a little over a year she was burnt out. I found it was less stressfull staying home instead of constantly feeling like I was a failure as a parent. Sometimes the outside world is really good at that... unfortunatly!

    Someone gave me the suggestion of trying to find a psychiatric student from a local university to help. I would have went that route but I was too tired to try anything else.
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2009
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Can you get a personal mentor to be with him at the camp?

    We did this with Dude - and it helped him - it was the ONLY reason they let him stay at the city camp - there has to be someone through a school or college training program or Mentor, or big brothers big sisters or something at the school - anything come to mind? A college student that can babysit him at camp or someone in High school to get some community service hours, a church counselor, girl scout??

  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh, I am so sorry. This just doesn't seem right. We're lucky that difficult child's camp works really well with children of disabilities. I remember one year they were ready to provide difficult child with a 1 on 1 but he ended up not needing it to that degree at camp.

    Gentle hugs.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Our case worker at the regional center came up with the name of a local lady who is a respite provider for an autistic child. She has just started babysitting in her home, has a physically disabled 5 year old, and a typical 5 year old after school, and would like to take on one more.

    We meet her when we get back from Cali. Maybe this will be better, anyway. Maybe she can take difficult child after school, too.

    We'll see. I still hurt for him. And now I'm worrying that maybe I shouldn't even be taking him to Cali...impulse control is obviously down.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shari....I can so empathize with you. I remember those times only too well. That was really why I couldnt work until Cory was old enough to stay home alone or alone with one of his brothers. I just couldnt find any daycare that could handle him. Heck, even the school system couldnt handle him.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm sending you lots of hugs.

    We don't have much we can do either. When difficult child 1 needs to be watched constantly, she is too old for after school stuff. So there's no point in sending difficult child 2 either. Sigh.

    I understand. I really wish I had some way to help. Or even an idea. I hope the respite lady can help you!
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is so hard in the position of needing to work but not being able to get child care. I spent so many months with NO sick days because I kept having to take off to pick up Wiz for some reason. husband did too. No vacation either. At one point a friend tried to get them to let her give me some of her sick days! She was sweet, but the company wouldn't let her. If I had cancer they would, but not for my child's mental health problems.

    Our country really does not support parents well. We really do not encourage women to raise children. I think there should be some sort of fund for Professional Parents. Stay at home to raise your kids and get paid. It would mean that more kids had better child care, esp ones like our kids who don't do well in groups. I think families NEED this.

    Sigh. Will be a long time coming.
  14. I hear you. easy child is going to a 2-week nature camp; difficult child wanted to go, too, but he got kicked out last year so I didn't want to even try to enroll him. This year, they have a brand new "Behavior Policy". Intellectually, I know that other children have been kicked out but it's really hard not to see difficult child's name written all over this new policy.

    I'm sure your son did the best he could. Giving up swimming for math sheets because he knew he couldn't follow the rules shows far more self-awareness than I expect mine to exhibit until he's in his 30's. Another environment might work better for him. Good luck.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhh, I'm so sorry.
    I yanked difficult child from daycare b4 they actually kicked him out. It was mutual. Sigh.
    It DOES get better. He's still young.
    But right now, you're stuck for a quick plan.
    You've gotten some good suggestions here.
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Grandma's keeping him tomorrow, and then we're off to Cali for a week. After that, only 4 days til our 12 day vacation, so we'll muddle thru.

    I just hurt for him. I really can't be angry at him (and I'm not). Really, I think he did a good job of handling the situation.
  17. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Shari.
  18. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    That's so mean that they kicked him out. It doesn't even seem like it should be legal. And saying he could come back for one more day -- how rude and insensitive. What is this, the 19th century (or earlier)?

    I'm impressed with the insight and control he showed, choosing math pages over swimming. Kudos to him and to you for raising a boy like that.
  19. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm really sorry to hear that. I know how it feels, though. difficult child 2 got sent home from day camp last year several times, and many more times the year before that. They didn't go so far as to expell him, thankfully. The camp director had a heart-to-heart with me last year and came away with a better understanding of difficult child 2's issues and a little more patience for what he was struggling with.

    I opted not to send him this year, despite his pleas to go. Instead he's scheduled to go to an overnight camp that caters to developmentally disabled kids, as well as "normal" kids and other in between those categories. I'm hopeful that it works out. This camp takes many kids from the various Regional Centers in our area.

    Where are you going to in California? I'm here in the southern part until next Thursday before heading east.
  20. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member


    Hang in there! I hovered on that work versus welfare line lots of times.....based on difficult child's inability to stay in care/school.

    It is stressful but eventually it works out.