Colleen I see so much of myself in your post. Like you I have been going through substance abuse on and off for almost five years with my 20 year old son. He has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Was abusing benzos for some time from the stupid psychiatrist he was seeing and he kept prescribing and I kept getting them for him. He has been off those for a few years thank God because that was the worst ride of all (long story). Then was sober on and off for months at a time but then goes back to weed and drinking (pills? who knows). Beer seems ok but he likes whiskey which makes him a different person. Very sweet and kind normally. Just got him enrolled in 2 college classes (was 3 but one was canceled so we stuck with 2) but he continues to smoke weed and follow enough house rules to get by but not all. He started seeing a psychologist but only had one visit and now she is out of town for a while due to ill relative. He had an interview yesterday but I really feel if he does get the job he'll buy weed/booze and lose it anyway as has happened in past with all jobs. He is getting A's in both classes so far but I just am not feeling good at all right now with his continuing bad decisions. He really only has one friend and we won't let him come over right now due to pot smoking etc. in our home (his parents won't let anyone go to their house - wonder why!). We have thought about kicking him out but he really has no friends or girlfriend and would be in a shelter. If he did I totally would do it immediately!! I have a good marriage and have learned to try to be happy but this is always the feeling of doom. My husband (his dad) totally fed up and done but understands my fears. All of the women on here are so strong and make me feel not so alone.