Loving Abbey 2
Not really a Newbie
I know things could be much worse and they have been. That being said, I'm so tired of trying to get difficult child to do what I need her to do. She's not being explosive or defiant. She's just oppositional. I tell her to do something and she whines a refusal. "it's too hard" "I can not" "I don't want to" "my head hurts" "I'm too tired" etc. I inform her of the consequences if she does not do the task and of the reward if she does. For instance, the past three days it was folding her laundry. I asked her to please fold her laundry (which she do well). She gives me the whining act. I set her up with her music and some encouragement. She whines some more. I tell her that if does not fold her laundry we will not have time to play a game, but if she folds quickly we can play a game and maybe have time to paint her nails. I leave the room to cook dinner. She does not fold anything, just lies on her bed whining that she is hungry etc. Day two, pretty much same as above, I remind her that if she had folded the laundry we wouldn't have to worry about it today and wasting another night on not folding laundry just means we won't have time to play tonight either. more whining, does fold 3 things. I give her lots of praise and encourage her to go on. She refuses and does nothing more but whine and complain. Last night, I tell her and she whines. I get really annoyed and become much more forceful-and not very nice, borderline on yelling. She starts yelling. I walk away, take a breath. Came back and I tell her that if she does not fold she will not be able to play with her friend tomorrow. I have to tell her this about 5 more times and she finally folds the laundry, whining the whole time. Telling her to use her "big girl" voice does nothing either. No matter her behavior every night we cuddle up and read together.
This type of interaction happens for everything and every step of anything. Get out of bed, take a shower, actually wash your body and hair, brush your teeth, etc. She had a check list for morning and evening routine, but then refused to use them. She had rewards at school for getting there on time but no longer cares. She refuses to do everything no matter how involved I get in helping her get it done. I feel like we are in a holding pattern and I can't seem to get out. Every night at bed time she says she will do a better job tomorrow, or she will finish her homework or whatever I've been trying to get her to do "tomorrow".
I'm tired. I kicked out husband (her stepfather) a few months ago and she seems to actually improved, ie she is no longer explosive. But I am all alone trying to do everything, I work a very stressful job over 40 hrs per week, and I'm tired. I just need a simple solution. And no ignoring her whining does nothing but make her whine louder until she explodes.
HELP
This type of interaction happens for everything and every step of anything. Get out of bed, take a shower, actually wash your body and hair, brush your teeth, etc. She had a check list for morning and evening routine, but then refused to use them. She had rewards at school for getting there on time but no longer cares. She refuses to do everything no matter how involved I get in helping her get it done. I feel like we are in a holding pattern and I can't seem to get out. Every night at bed time she says she will do a better job tomorrow, or she will finish her homework or whatever I've been trying to get her to do "tomorrow".
I'm tired. I kicked out husband (her stepfather) a few months ago and she seems to actually improved, ie she is no longer explosive. But I am all alone trying to do everything, I work a very stressful job over 40 hrs per week, and I'm tired. I just need a simple solution. And no ignoring her whining does nothing but make her whine louder until she explodes.
HELP