Tackle football for my GIRL, being a minority,lots

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MidwestMom, Oct 7, 2007.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, I have a few things to throw at you and need some feedback.

    1/My daughter is in sixth grade, tall for her age, but not husky. She loves playing football (and all sports). This year we let her play Pop Warner and she loves it, even though she's as good as most of the boys and plays a lot less. She wants to play next year. I'm against it. First of all, the boys will just get bigger and heavier. Secondly...it's a touchy social issue. I'm thinking that boys aren't going to like girls who play football if she keeps it up. This year they think it's neat, but she's getting older and is very social. She is going to want boys to like her. Am I micro-managing her life? Seems even down to my fifth kid I worry to much.

    2/I brought his up once before, but it's starting to worry me more. My daughter is one of four AA kids at school (she is actually bi-racial). The two boys are immensely popular and one was crowedn homecoming king this year. He is good looking and a super athlete and, even in our community, highly sought after as a boyfriend. I am not sure the girls who are part AA and AA get the same attention from boys. Why do I care so much, you ask? Well, boys are already picking fake girlfriends and they are all the caucasian kids (we have lots of asian kids too). We have a sister school she could go to that is more mixed--lots of Native Americans, a few AAs, hispanices--it's maybe 80% white, which is A LOT less than this school. However, daughter has TONS of friends here, at this school. Yet it will hurt her later if boys won't date her. I'm planning in advance because I certainly don't want her to date until she is at least fourteen, and that would only be group dating.

    Nicole is my most personable, social child. She has Learning Disability (LD)'s that make her think she's "stupid" but she is a great athlete and has a really nice personality. I goofed up with my first daughter. We moved in seventh grade and she, also a minority (asian), never could fit in so she got involved in drugs. She has no real advice except "Don't move until she's eighteen" and "blacks and asians get treated differently, so I really don't know what to tell you." And she's right.

    Any feedback? I know, I know. I'm way too nervous about my kids. This one, however, is very sensitive, and I'm worried because of what happened to my older daughter. They are very different people, but they are both uber-sensitive.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    1/ I'd let her play football. She likes it and is good at it.

    2/I'd leave her at school with her friends. When she gets to high school, you can always look for outside groups that would allow her to meet more AA boys.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I agree with JJJ, let her play football, if she is good at it and likes it then let her have fun. difficult child used to wrestle and there were girl wrestlers. Now that is a touchy feely issue, and there are no pads!! The position they start out in is very suggestive if one person is a girl.

    I bet she loses interest before long anyways
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I agree.........let her play football. I personally think it's great that girls can play with the boys. If she wants to do it and has no problems with it...why not.

    As for the social scene....I think I would keep her at her current school. Like you said, all of her friends are there and if it's not an issue yet, why bring it up. Besides, you never know. Even at a school with more diversity or with a child who is part of the "majority", there can be issues. When she gets older you should be able to tell if there are problems cropping up before they get too out of hand and I like the suggestion of finding other activities for her so she can expand her social circle. Kids don't always date kids from their own schools anyway.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Another vote to let her play football. If she sees that it is interfering with her social life, she'll probably quit. It may create a few issues but if football is important enough, those issues won't matter to her. Not being able to play will matter.

    And I second the vote to let stay where she is. Friends are important. I went to an all-girl's school for high school. I had no problems getting dates to the important events. If she's personable, cute and fun, she won't either no matter the color of her skin or the texture of her hair.
  6. envisablepuppet

    envisablepuppet New Member

    Well, the first part of your question I have experience with but my difficult child was in high school at the time. Her thing was wrestling. She ended up lettering in it. She really wanted to do football as well. husband said no tg. He said he wasn't real comfortable with her wrestling but was drawing the line at football. He told her it was a guarantee she would get hurt. It is a boys game and to rough.

    Boys grow differently then girls. Our difficult child was stronger then a lot of the boys when she was younger but the boys catch up at some point. Our difficult child at the time was about 5'3 and weighed between 115 and 130. Football is a very rough sport and the boys will surpass her strength very quickly.

    Unless she was just a kicker for field goals or something similar where there wouldn't be much physical contact to her I don't think I'd let her do it simply because of the injury aspect of it. Not sure a good coach would play her much either.

    husband also told difficult child if he ever thought she was doing it because of the boys he would make her drop out. That was why we thought she wanted to do it in the beginning. We were very surprised when we found out she was quite good at it and the boys weren't really her motivation to join it. She even set a record for her school.

    They always set out to hurt her tho because boys REALLY resent girls invading what they consider a no girls allowed sport. Not her teammates so much as her opponents. There was only one time the coach made her forfeit a match because he knew the boy would deliberately hurt her and she was to outclassed to prevent it. Her dad had to step in and back-up the coach because difficult child was very upset about being withdrawn from the match. She didn't want to be made to look like a sissy lol.

    To this day she only competes with boys/men. She considers girls little to no competition when it comes to physical activities. She even works with a 90% men crew now.

    As for the other part of your question, I live in a very small town. We had/have very few noncaucasians here. The few we do have seem to have fit in ok. The two I know, married local ppl and were pretty popular as far as I could tell. This is an outside looking in kind of view tho. I know the girl (asian) moved to the city and may have divorced. She is a real sweetheart everyone hated to see her go.

    I think some small towns are probably pretty limiting for most noncaucasian kids as far as dating is concerned. If they grew up there I think it might be easier so I'm not sure if a move would be a good idea personaly. What does she think of the idea?

    I did get the feeling your town was small? Good luck and hope you can find something helpful in this very long post :smile:
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I played until HS. Defensive tackle. I say let her play until she does not want to play anymore. And give her a high five (no wait, give her a tap on her behind) from Auntie Bad Kitty!
  8. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    another for letting her set her own pace with the football.

    As for the dating - I, too, went to an all girl high school, and believe me, we never lacked for dates. I knew guys at the local neighborhood high school, guys at the "brother" school to ours, guys that were actual brothers to girls I went to school with, and friends of girls boyfriends. I knew a LOT more guys than if I had just gone to our neighborhood school.

    My oldest went to an all boy high school. He, too, had no problems getting dates, and wound up meeting his now wife through someone he dated.

    My youngest goes to a co-ed high school, and has yet to even suggest having a date.

    While I understand that the social aspects of high school are important, it IS about getting an education, so I would also take that into consideration. You never know, your daughter may wind up dating someone on the opposing football team!!!!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Broken bones speak louder than a mom any day of the week, sorry to say. Let her stay on the team(s) until she decides she can't handle it. And who knows? Maybe she'll succeed and surmount. :laugh:
    In regard to the AA issue, I'd let her stay at her school for now, especially since she seems happy and has lots of friends. You would be trading a certainty (her temporary but very real happiness) for a what-if (her long-term dating potential).

    My son is mixed, and I know that some girls will turn him down just because of that when he's older. It makes me grind my teeth. But it hasn't happened yet. I'm focusing on other things in the meantime.

    Skeeter, I love the comment about dating someone on the opposing team. I love the way you think! Way To Go! LOL. :smile:
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    What she wants to do now, may not be what she wants to do a year
    from now. Life changes quickly from 6th grade on. Personally, I
    think the most important thing is for her to feel free to express
    her feelings and know that you all will at least listen closely.
    She sounds self-confident, secure and eager for life. You must
    have done a good job! DDD
  11. nlg319

    nlg319 New Member

    Let her play! My difficult child#1 played when she was in 7th and 8th grades!
    I was so proud of her... :bravo:
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all the feedback...lol. A few points:
    1/Daughter is very close to Dad and has been a sports nut since she was little. Unlikely she'll quit loving football, BUT we did see the Varsity team yesterday (there IS a girl on it, but she rarely plays). The boys are huge. We'll see what next year brings. I do live in a very small town, under 2000, yet we have our own school district. The Girl's Volleyball Team won the Central Wisconsin Division Championship for the first time ever, and the town made a huge fuss over it, even hiring the fire dept. to pick the girls up from the tournament. Daughter is excited about Volleyball, and that schedule would conflict with football. She can't do both. I'm going to encourage Volleyball. In the longterm, it's a sport she can play forever, and, being tall and thin, she would rock at it. We'll see.

    Our community as a whole is pretty white. There is really nowhere close by where there are many AA kids. The few AA/bi-racial boys have girls beating their doors down. It's not the same for the girls, I don't think, but we'll see. A friend of mine has a teenager that she adopted from India, and she's had several boyfriends. The thing is, the towns are cliqueish. They tend to date kids in their own schools, but it's not unheard of that they cross over. My daughter is in a skating club on Saturday nights and there are kids from three schools there and, again, she excels at skating and loves to go. So she is already in an activity where she meets kids from other schools. Plus she met many boys from our neighboring town when she played football and the boys were pretty nice to her. I guess I'll wait and see what happens because I have thought that this isn't really a good community for her and my son, BUT my daughter and son love it and have actually not been called names or left out of the loop. Both get frantic if I suggest moving, so maybe I answered my own question, at least for now. You are all terrific!
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I would also let her play. I'm sure that there are lots of boy's mom who are having the same concerns that you are. Statistically, there are more serious injuries on the rally squad than there are on a football team.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with the others about letting her play-she is enjoying it and happy. Eventually she will probably want to give it up.

    I can understand your concern about the schools. I think if she's happy for now I would leave her. We did move my daughter in 3rd grade but she didn't have many friends and it was a good move for her. The school we switched her to was more diversified and she has friends now from all races.
  15. branbran

    branbran New Member

    I'm also in favor of letting her play. I think it is super important to have interests in something positive, what could be better than sports. Yes it's football but it could be drugs!! So I say let her play. We all know how hard it is to get our kids into something constructive. As for the AA situation, my daughter is also bi-racial so I can so relate to your concerns. We live in a very diverse city now, however when my daughter comes home from her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (in August 08) we are moving to Florida, a nice quiet town. It is prodominately white as well, so that does concern me. I feel as if I have to get her out of here as she was seeking friendships in all the wrong places, very sad. She cannot maintain relationships with her peers, so she ended up walking the streets until she found someplace she was accepted, always the seedy parts of town with drug dealers and gang members. So I'm almost in the same boat, I don't know if moving to Florida is the right thing to do, however I know staying here will only cause her to regress into he old habits.
    Maybe you should just leave things as they are now, you did say she has lots of friends, and cross the other bridge when you get to it. Good luck. Wishing you the best. :smile:
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks, all. If she wants to do football next year, we'll let her do football. I'm hoping she decides to do track and volleyball (she's a natural athlete), but if she really loves football, so be it.
    I think I'll put all thoughts of moving aside too for now. She loves her school and has tons of friends. She is really very pretty and maybe dating won't be a problem later on. If it is, I can deal with that at the time. We thought of moving to Madison, but she freaks out at the idea of leaving her home base, so why do it? Also, my autistic spectrum son is very settled in HIS school and doesn't want to leave the community either. They have really been very good to my kids and with so few kids at the schools, both are getting a lot of attention. I just worry because...well, I'm Mom so I worry!!! Thanks again.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I just worry because...well, I'm Mom so I worry!!

    been there done that!