I have been single parenting my son with adhd since birth. HIs, not mine. I am disabled from back injuries and that set the stage for a long haul in poverty. I did not understand the last work related injury was going to be so limiting I am not the type to sit on my laurels. Oh..here iam on my laurels. My son is a teen now, he is 16, not 17 and he has been a terrific person. He has had episodes of outbursts not often, but it is clear to me the occations are overwhelming when they happen for him He is very bright. Does well in school. His teachers like him. I have been a forse to recon with to get him the direction and supports along the way from the schools. Mostly because he, like many adhd, has a fast metabolism and the time released medications are done by just about the end of school. He would have slipped by without any help as the grade he would get were passing. However it was so hard for him that I did insist that he was tested to "see how he is learning" and low and behold he had so much lower ability at handwriting that that qualified him for IEP. IT is classic adhd stuff and when these learners do not get that the set up for failures is to sad. He has needed and benifited from conseling in school and especially one in middle school where the social piece was handled beautifully by a true talent in the conseling department. Now he has friends too. And all was going along well. He joined a sport (after I told the IEP team that maybe it would be smart for a couch to ask him to join...oh, yeah, make contact, show interest, welcome....) With one of his friends he auditioned and did a playhouse production with a dinner theater..(lines, rehersals ect) HE had a few interesting girlfreinds...all very sweet and normal...and then last year a breakup with a long term one ...hit hard. This year the livingroom was now filling with teens...we have had freinds around alot and it is good. Then the overnights were not by permission(?) and involved like eight couples and older homeless males who I had not met until recently. And ...it may suprise, but I sent them on their merry way. Three times. Then the driving girls start taking the group out for over nights. I was thinking...what! So I tracked down the girls name and called home. The "problem" was just getting found out anyway. ANd that the stay over attempts were at my house. ANd then my son, who started staying up late here on the computer is having anger fits...he is not sleeping enough. ANd the one night he swears at me and pushes me...and then agian in the morning and he is not going to school because I sent his girlfriend when she came to get him away: because he swore at me and pushed me seconds ago because she had detored to school the week befor and they skipped part of class. The police come. I have been physically abused by my parents, my boyfriends at differant times in my life and I am not tolerating it in my son. I have been patient and consistant and kind and the psyciartists and the conselors and the district psycologists and the pediatrician are all like love having us because I do care, we are working on the core stuff and the outcomes have been fine. The officer talks to him. I am glade he did. AS a single disabled parent I am well acquainted with the habit by many in our society to live by their bias and have unfounded opions and to use the label trap to excuse all sorts of indesencies. Like failing to take the neglect and to support the single parent. My son has benifited from the advocasy and the care and when he is fed up he has no one but his freinds and conselors to turn to. The dianamic of a single parent situation does need caring adults who support and esteem this type of family. So, he shuts down. Over his friend who stayed here and he wanted me to take him in permenantly. They both did. However much I might want to I have restrictions of housing requirements and income issues and I am not equipt to take on the off the hook mother. He has stayed out over night. Not ok. There is a curfew here. If you do not have one in your area, then work on that. and he is not thinking well enough to be on own. I have pursued the intensive in home therapy not "just" to structure his conduct to match norms in the home, but to establish a functional relationship style :learned behavor. Personally I hope that instead of looking at theraputic relationship as a indication that something is "wrong" instead the fact that these trasisional stages of developement are crissis points in life that offer growth opertunities that left unattended fester into lifelong unexplored pits. AT my age, with my experiance and my general curious way of checking things out I am frustrated as all get out that I am being talked down to. "you son isn't going to sit on the couch and watch movies with you like when he was in elementary school" direct quote from the therapist. #1 we did not have a couch when he was in elelmentary school. #2 i bet money that we will be sitting on the couch (we have one) and watching movies between now and when he does move on his own. He is going through something. HIs freinds are not supervised. Their parents have not been parenting. The ones I am refering to are real people,and I bet your community has samples of the same thing. These people are causeing my little family of two problems because the nonscence they are sharing that influences, the 'letting' a minor stay without contactin a parent,the HOSTILE passive indifferance to the other people(me, mom, single parent) and all the other parents who are just not caring. Just look at my kid in my livingroom. Sullen, not talking, doing what he wants resenting having to say where he is going, resenting that he has to come home and NO he can not sleep wherever without notice. Yes we are getting intensive home therapy NOW. And I anticipate that the outcome will benefit and I am pushing the process for a more significant impact because I do think that a large part of the problem with apathy in our culture is the "no can do" attitude. How can you help me? I don't know. I am so on own here that it is isolated and lonily and surely there are women who have had success in forging a possitive and feels good repore with the separating teen? Directing. they do not like it. they NEED IT. My intention is to get my one child into college and on the road to a carreer. IF he has the ability to do it all on his own he would be a wonderman. Parents I talk to help their college success through the whole time. For my son his best shot from this point is going to include an ongoing and workable realtionship. I very much do hope that what ever does happen it is on good terms. Are we really in a world where parents just dump teens in the streets? I am not interested in that. I am not planning on that. We were homeless and I do not want my son drifting around.