teachers, school staff, counselors, therapist's...



I don't think they have a clue. They can talk all they want, they can say critisize difficult child right and left. But..they don't live with it every day. Even my sister who is a teacher for 30 years and my sister in law teacher for 37 years...When I try to discuss difficult child with them, they insist that medication is the answer. They insist they cannot teach unless children are medicated. That is NOT always the answer and for many wouldn't help anyway.
Finally after years and years of trying to find answers from teachers, school staff, therapist's counselors...I decided to go directly to someone that is very successful, but had these same challenges as a child and teen. She was not explosive, complete opposite. Held everything in. But had school phobia, would actually be sick every day before school, all the aches and pains difficult child's seem to have, all the anxiety, depression. Many of the same struggles. When I explained to her about difficult child and all the things going on..she said it sounds familiar, and can offer some insite and maybe some solutions or atleast help as to what she would of liked for interventions. She has not gotten back to me, but she said "it will get better". Even though she still admits at age 27 she still deals with some of the same issues and struggles through them. Hopefully from someone that has been there..Maybe she can help me understand.

timer lady

Queen of Hearts

What a wonderful resource! As to teaches & such insisting on medications - I think that it becomes a matter of balance. If a difficult child is disrupting an entire class no one is learning. SDs see medications as a cheaper step than providing accomodations that may be needed.

The tweedles haven't been in a mainstream setting in a very long time - the day treatment setting they are in expects medications because of their illnesses & such. Not as a teaching "aide" but because of their diagnosis's.

I hope you can find some insight for difficult child. I hope difficult child can learn these insights.


Active Member
To mediate or not to medicate - that should be a parental decision, not the school's. However, there are a lot of parents whose decision to not medicate is due to their denial of the extent of the problem, rather than concerns for "drugging their child". This is where you need to thoroughly research both alternatives, make a list of the good points and bad points of both options and discuss it with all concerned, before making your decision and sticking to it.
If you choose to medicate, you do it properly. Not like difficult child 3's friend, whose mother medicates him if he's a bit grumpy in the morning but if he's having a happy morning at home she doesn't give him his medications. She has NO idea what he's like at school on these days - I sure do. And it's even harder for him than not medicating at all.

If you choose to NOT medicate, you need to have more support in place to help him learn to adapt. Your reasons for not medicating are your own, but you WILL be challenged so you may as well be prepared. Various experts, especially those you're related to, will tell you what they think in no uncertain terms. Be prepared to handle this. It's not fair, but it's life. It happens. If you're comfortable with your decision, it shouldn't be a problem. But if it bothers you, and makes you feel confused and unsettled, then you really haven't made a decision to not medicate him, you just haven't got around to ANY decision yet.

Only you really know the situation.

When it comes to the rights and wrongs of medicating, I like Temple Grandin's rule of thumb - the "WOW" factor. If you medicate your child and see an absolutely brilliant improvement, like "WOW! This child is doing brilliantly as a result of medicating him," then you keep going. You know it's worth the effort.
But if you try the medication and don't really see much difference (after you've waited the expected time, of course) then what's the point? May as well not bother. Of course, when I mention "not much difference" you have to include the measureable but less obvious changes, such as required blood levels of anticonvulsant in a child who has epilepsy, for example. You may not notice any improvement, because the medications are not supposed to bring about change, they're a preventive against seizures.

Basically, if you're sure about your decision (which ever it is) then have faith in yourself. If you're not sure, then inform yourself and make up your own mind. Don't let other people (including us) make your mind up for you. This has to be YOUR decision, ultimately. Own it proudly.



Well-Known Member
I agree that none of those professionals you listed have a clue. Frankly, I only trust Psychiatrists (with the MD--and I don't trust all of them) and NeuroPsychs (ditto--only trust some). But remember that every person is different. Why this woman behaved one way may not be the reason your child reacts that way. I know, it's tiring. Hugs.


New Member
i find the frustration is caused by the law stating the lre is mainstreaming the difficult child's but they do nothing about training and educating the staff. general ed teachers/principles do not know how to defuse a meltdown(they ususally exaserbate it) and they are ignorant on the law.

i think these people need better education themselves.


I definately see that. Staff has no clue what the cause is when it is THEM. They need to know how to handle certain situations and I just see it as setting difficult child up purposely knowing he will fail, then kicking him out. By that time he has totally lost it and is yelling. They can put all the plans in the world in place, unless they understand how difficult child's mind works none of the plans will work.