I think I should go back to calling him S. and I will. S. is the child that we adopted at age six from Hong Kong who decided to leave our family. Three years later, he let ex back in his life, but nobody else and I'm sure that ex is under some strict rules such as "You must never talk about me to anyone else, blah blah." Well, ex set up a FB account and his mug came up as a possible person for me to friend and we're on good terms so I friended him and he accepted me as a friend. To my surprise (I just hadn't thought of it), S. and his wife K. both had FB's and were ex's friend too. It was very clear by S's picture that he was in a hospital and when I clicked on his page, I got to see a picture of his older son and their brand new baby. Motherly instincts and pride kicked in, as if he had never left and I shared his picture with the baby before I had a chance to think about what that meant. I am very impulsive. I also sent a friend request to S. because that was the only way I could congratulate him and tell him, with sincerity, what a beautiful family he had. It was several hours later, and the glow had worn off and reality had set in. I noticed that S. had sent me a message. Rightly or wrongly, he scolded me about sharing his picture and posting a little blurb about him. I actually think it was a fair criticism, however he isn't in my life anymore and I really don't feel he has a right to tell me what to do regarding anything, including his FB pictures and whether or not I talk about him. I know he has encouraged his wife to believe that I am "dangerous" (her word) and to be afraid of me. She doesn't know me so he had to be the one to encourage it. Plus he told her that ex and I used to make him pay all the bills, even when he was a kid. That is beyond preposterous. And he has withheld the grands from me, which in my opinion is the worst punishment a child can inflict on a parent so I didn't waste time feeling TOO bad. I am sure that he was not close to deciding to let me into his life before this happened. In fact, the last time I saw him, he had a list of things I had to do in order to be allowed to see him. They were so vile that I stopped wanting to see him. Among the demands were that I could never call him unless I had a good reason, I had to state the reason, and unless I stated a reason, he would not call me back. He also would not allow me in his house. I would have had to meet him either at his church or at a restaurant in which case we would all pay for our own dinners. And he did not want any responsibility for the family in things like wills, etc. I drove away from there feeling better. I had lost the son I'd raised to find him this person who was cruel and mean and, strangely, strictly and rigidly religious. Guess "Honor Thy Mother and Father" doesn't mean me, so maybe he doesn't think of me as his real mom. Who knows? Anyway, he DID accept the friending on FB. Now he posts from time to time, but he is not posting to me. They are general posts. I do like seeing his little boy, who should be my grandson, but really isn't. He is five now and very cute, like S. S. is a handsome young man. His boy looks just like he did at that age. I'm not sure what to do when he posts. I'm tempted to "like" his picture, but then again...for what? I'm not even sure why he kept me as a friend. It isn't because he wants to restablish contact with me. It really isn't. He knows full well all he has to do is call me and he'd be welcomed back. A very cute video of him taking his son ice skating came up and I didn't like it. I smiled at it, but I don't want him to think I'm pining over him. I'm long past that. On the other hand, I don't want him to think I don't think his son is totally adorable either. Please keep in mind that he is in no way trying to let me back into his life. My ex is in touch with him and he has no intention of seeing me or his siblings. What you do with this friendship on FB? I'm not going to remove him from my friend list. That's just mean. Even if it wouldn't bother him, on the very off chance that it would, I won't do it. But...I'm not sure how to handle it. by the way, I find it interesting that in all of his pictures, everyone is Chinese. I know it's not a huge problem, but would appreciate feedback. Even one response will be food for thought. Thanks!