The endless loop...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by blackgnat, Nov 27, 2015.

  1. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    So briefly, Difficult Child cracks up last Monday (isn't drinking, is on Antabuse and the vivitrol shot) but is doubtless drugging. Gets taken to a psychiatric hospital 40 minutes away. Can't remember a thing. Stays there a week and is released into a respite bed , which he can have for a couple of weeks, while they try to get him into a 9 month program in the Boulder shelter.

    Loves the idea of the respite bed because he has his own room that he can lock. After he gets there, he is calling me quite a lot and seems okaaaayyyyy, but not as "happy" as he "should" be. Is beefing about there being nothing to do. Wha? Calls yesterday and the day before at about 5:30 in the morning, my time. I think that's a bad sign...and just like last week, before he was taken to the psychiatric ward, his conversation with me is a mixture of normal chatter and absolute nonsense. I start to worry.

    This morning he has a meeting with his case manager to devise a plan to get him into the shelter. He calls me beforehand and tells me that he's been hearing and seeing things that aren't there. At breakfast, a family of four is eating and the father starts ragging on the little son to eat more. Difficult Child gets up to intervene, then shakes his head a couple of times. Looks over at the table and there's nobody there...

    I urge him to tell his caseworker this. He calls me 10 minutes ago, crying his eyes out and saying that they don't think he's well enough to go back to the respite bed and they want to take him back to the psychiatric ward that he just got out of. He tells me he told them to eff that, so I do a huge persuasive number on him that he NEEDS to go back there. He'll be fed (he was 120lbs when they admitted him last week) , warm (there is a couple of feet of snow that fell) showered, medicated and taken care of. They might release him somewhere that's even more suitable for his situation.

    I told him he is not ready to be in society yet and if he went to the shelter, he'd likely end up drinking and drugging and seeing things that aren't there and he'd be a danger to himself and to everyone else. I told him it's not like he was going to be sent to jail or prison and if he really thought he shouldn't go to hospital, to go outside and stand in the snow for 10 minutes and imagine doing that all day begging for money, then looking for a bush to sleep under.

    Advice and comments needed, please? For the millionth time-did I say the right things? I think a part of him felt he was going to make all kinds of plans to move forward and now he is back at square one, but how the hell can you move anywhere if you're seeing things that aren't there?

    He also did the "I'm just like a piece of abandoned luggage and my life is worth nothing" bit.

    Ugh. Help me make it okay for me? Thanks in advance.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think you did exactly the right thing! Son may be using hallucinogenics or the drugs may have made him have psycotic symptoms...either way he NEEDS a psychiatrist and hospital. And, yes, he will be warm, fed and safe.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If you don't know all the pieces you are dealing with, there's no way you can put the picture together.

    What's the point in rehab if the real problem is something else or something in addition to? If he is seeing and hearing things that are not there... he needs to be in psychiatric ward end of discussion.
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    It seems that your son is able to access resources and support. And it seems there are a lot of resources where he is.

    Depending upon the substances your son is using, and how much, the hallucinations could well derive from the substance use. Or, the converse. He could use the substances to cover up the hallucinations. Nobody can really know which it is until he is clean for awhile. Sometimes, a long while.

    I do not think anybody can make a call about how to handle his condition who is not there with him. If the people around him feel he is psychotic, even if it is from substances, they will treat him, or hospitalize him if he is unsafe.

    The self-pity piece is just that. Try to not react. He is pulling your string. Who knows why. Maybe it is a habit. Maybe he wants something. You know the story. It is an old one.

    He needs to decide whether he wants to live his life in a manner where he does not feel about himself as if an old piece of luggage. Meanwhile, try to take care of yourself.

    I feel confident that the people working with him will make the right call.

  5. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    I think you did the right thing. Sounds like he where he needs to be. He will be warm, fed and getting the treatment he needs. There is an organization called NAMI that a be helpful to you and your son. I know this is very painful - you wilike get through this. I am fairly new to this site and have learned so much from other warrior moms, keep posting it helps. HUGS,
  6. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    Thanks and I know I said the right things, it's just that how much stinking longer is this going to go on?

    I know the answer to THAT one, too.

    Just fed up and venting.
  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Yup, it is the answers that are the hardest.
    You are doing this Blackgnat. It is tough, and it is absolute crap, but you are doing this.

    By the way, I have to tell you it is gnat season over here, and them buggahs are everywhere. My ceiling lights are full of them. When I work on my computer, or phone, they are there, attracted to the light, flying. They are at work, buzzing around me all day. My daughter was pounding taro at her alma mater as a part of the feast celebrating Makahiki, she said, "Mom, the gnats were everywhere, a few fell in the poi, I couldn't do anything about it, so I just kept pounding." Black gnat poi. Yum.

    So, Blackgnat, you may feel small and tired from all of this, but you are doing it.

    You are frigging mighty Blackgnat.

    You are not just present,

    you are omnipresent!

    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  8. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    Thx, Leaf! My user name is from something really obscure, but I totally appreciate the comparison!

    Small (5 feet, 0 inches) but mighty!

    Big (but maybe puny) hugs to you!
  9. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    BG, I think what you said was perfect. It was honest and to the point. There is nothing more you could have said or done. It's up to him.

    I do hope he will think about what you said and will decide to go back to the Psychiatric hospital.

    You did really good Blackgnat, you really did.

    ((HUGS)) to you...................
  10. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    I'm just so sick of the sadness and the hopelessness and the hopefulness.

    I just wish it'd be okay and that he would find a way that would make him feel he could be content with life.
  11. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    Tanya, I really appreciate what you said, but I'm really questioning if it IS up to him?

    On one level, the one that I'm thinking is sociopathic and entitled, YES, it IS up to him. Then I wonder, does he have the capacity to decide? Is that the learned helplessness part? Where he is mind effing us all to get what he wants?

    Or is he really unable to decide what IS up to him? I just don't know any more. Know what I mean?
  12. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    BG, from what you shared below, it sounds to me like your son is quite aware of what is going on. He clearly had a negative response to the thought of going back to the psychiatric ward yet he expressed how much he liked the idea of the respite bed.

    There are many people who have mental illness that are able to manage their lives quite well as they have made the choice to do so.

    Please let us know how things are going with him.