The Inmates are running the Asylum

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Feb 12, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    This Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is nuts. They are taking the girls to a family arcade today and they made Kanga ask me if she could go. So I said no. The fact that they are nuts enough to be even remotely willing to take her....ugh. (This is not something that they would normally ask so maybe one of them was looking for an excuse to stay on campus??? who knows???)

    So, once again, I am the bad guy. Staff makes it really clear that they think she shouldn't be consequenced for her choices cause she is 'usually so good'.

    Monday cannot come soon enough, I need to get her some place with more normal rules.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    When they ring you to ask, what happens if you insist on speaking only to staff about this? Turn it back onto them. Ask them, as you talk to them, what they think you will say. Ask them to justify any concept that she can be taken to such a place safely given her current continual breaking of the rules. Don't at any time come out and say, "I forbid it" until you feel you must, at the end of your conversation. Argue them into it. Simply say, "Given that she is constantly, clearly, using every possible opportunity to slip the leash and find someone willing to have sex with her, what precautions do you have in place to prevent this on your planned outing? If your precautions do not work, and she succeeds in getting away and has sex with a minor (male or female, she clearly is not fussy) and the parent of that minor sues, have you ensured that you are going to be able to protect yourselves legally in such an event?"

    Then if they continue to indicate that she is a good kid and deserves an outing, ask them why they are asking you. if they say, "Because legally we have to have parental approval," then ask them, "And what on earth, given what I have already said about similar situations, makes you think I would give my approval? Why do you keep ringing me to ask me? Because every time you do, you make yourselves look good, and make me look worse. Kanga is not getting the connection between her bad choices, and the outcome, because you guys are not following through. You ask my permission because you acknowledge I have the legal right. So that means I also have the legal right to insist you supervise my daughter as you promised you would. You are failing at this - it is on record. Yet you still call me and ask. If you guys cannot learn, how can we expect Kanga to?"

    They are dangling carrots in front of here when they know she cannot have them. That is cruel, bad for her and bad for you. They need to stop letting her think she has a chance, and certainly stop giving her false hope. To call you for permission, especially if it's after Kanga has been told of the possibility, is setting you and her up for failure, disappointment and resentment. If nothing else, get them to call you BEFORE Kanga is given false hope.

  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Marg -- I have copied your post. I think I'm going to quote it at them. Thank you!

    They just don't seem to think that her "mistakes" are that big of a deal. Per today's staff, she is always good on our community outings. (Really, cause I'm 99.9% sure that you are the same staff person that she snuck away from last Sunday for her little adventure.)

    My comment: "Kanga has snuck away from staff at least 3 times since being at your Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She not only sneaks away, she engages in sexual behaviors and gets back to where she is suppose to be -- all without staff noticing. So, you'll have to excuse me if I am NOT comforted by your reassurances that she will be 100% supervised on the outing when staff cannot manage to do that on campus."

    His response: "Well, we aren't going to go against your wishes, but..."

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Can these people be any lazier? They are idiots!! Any chance she can go back to the place she was before this place? They seemed to have some common sense!
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I wish. Her old place closed :( her program.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    JJJ, what can I say? It took me several incidents to finally get staff at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to be the "bad guy". If you are to work on a familial relationship you & husband have to be the good guys ~ all the time.

    Unfortunately, the staff are being lazy as all dickens. It came to a point with wm (when he was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) that I no longer let the staff bully me in such a way ~ heck, he's not in my physical custody. If you feel you can handle him out in the community it would be on their heads; legally & otherwise. I wasn't in the day to day working of my son & they needed to decide if he had "earned" the trust of staff & fellow peers to be trusted on an outing.

    JJJ, back off ~ do as Marg suggests. I'd want reassurances that staff will not allow Kanga out of their sight & they would assume responsibility for any sexual or illegal activity if she managed to slip away.
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    But? BUT?!!! His butt is where his head is!
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm waiting with very little patiences for our funding case worker to call on Monday. She is usually excellent about knowing the best person at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to call and light a fire. She is also the best one to get a transfer in place for Kanga -- I found two places that sound good, one currently isn't accepting her funding source but I'm hoping the other one is.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Crossing fingers for you, JJJ.
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I really hope she comes through for you.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is the biggest load of horse manure I have smelled in quite a long time. I honestly think I would compose a letter to them and send it certified that let them know that you are concerned about their ability to provide adequate supervision of Kanga but because they seem to think they can supervise her well enough, that you are going to allow them to make the decisions from now on. You will be deferring to their recommendations but you also want them to realize that by doing this you will also be holding them accountable for any mishaps, legal ramifications or damages that occur while she is under their care and control. As of this letter you will no longer be playing the bad guy. They are the professionals dealing with her daily so they should know her best.

    Then when she screws up, sue the heck out of them. You have put them on notice.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I read this yesterday but didn't have time to answer because I was rushing around getting ready for today's trip for work, which I'm settled into now. But my thought is that it's just another "institution" way of running things- they either promised all the kids/females they could do this trip if ABC and it happened, or it had to do with planning for staff to go so no one would be left to supervise those who didn't, or they got a special discount price if a certain number of kids went....IOW- they committed to K and probably others about this without giving the first thought about if it was a good idea or in the kid's best interest.
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Only 6 girls were 'invited' (out of roughly 40) so they should be able to find another 'qualified' girl. The way the do this bothers me so much:

    1. They do not ask the parents first.
    2. Their selection process seems random -- the supervising staff get to choose who they want to take (a situation ripe for abuse).
    3. Not a good use of their budget, at all; roughly $2-3K spent on a 4-day spree for 6 girls????
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    3. Not a good use of their budget, at all; roughly $2-3K spent on a 4-day spree for 6 girls????

    Goodness- this does sound very odd. Do they get paid regularly on a fiscal budget - so if they don't spend it, it gets cut back the following year? I agree- it sounds like there's an ulterior motive or at the very least, incompetence and abuse waiting to happen.
  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I know that their outings to the local NFL games happen because some wonderful NFL players donate tickets to the various RTCs in the area. I don't know if there was a similar donation to make this trip happen???

    They aren't a govt agency so they don't have that spend it or lose it issue. And even if they did, they have so many more pressing needs that a vacation for 6 girls.
  16. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Good news! Our local case worker called back and is sending out Kanga's application to a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/TLP today! She is going to call them as well and see when their next bed will be available. If she is accepted, we will take the first available bed. I'm torn between wanting to move her soon and wanting her to finish out the school year and then move.
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I so understand the torn part, but you know what? If the inmates ARE in fact running the asylum, then I hope you can get her out of the asylum QUICK!

    YAY for case worker!!!