The path has been laid out...

[PatriotsGirl]

Talked to my friend this morning who had a long talk with difficult child last night. Interestingly, she repeated everything I have been saying to difficult child forever now...lol. Anyhow, she is offering to go get difficult child today and her stuff and let her stay with her. She said difficult child would start planting flowers in April.

So, a place to live, a job - a heck of an opportunity!

I talk to difficult child this morning and asked if she was going to do it and she is now wishy washy. She says most likely, yes, but she is having second thoughts about not living with the boyfriend anymore. Ugh. I reminded her that they were living in a house with a bunch of other people and neither one of them is working!! They are not going anywhere with their lives and she needs to think about herself and her future. She says she knows this and knows it is the right thing to do but that boyfriend keeps her dangling on that string...

Please pretzel and rattle those beads that she will make the right decision and move in with my friend....

 

[Signorina]

Such good news... and a good opportunity...praying she grabs it with both hands and lets it pull her up and out...to a brighter future...

 

[toughlovin]

I hate to say this but it sounds like she might not be ready. i hope she is but if she is not maybe it will be better to have that on reserve for when she is really ready to turn her life around.

Hugs and stay calm and continue to take care of yourself no matter what happens.

TL

 

[PatriotsGirl]

TL, I agree, sadly....

Something else really ticked me off. My friend told me that difficult child told her that I chose husband over her. Um, excuse me??? I couldn't just let it go. I texted her this morning that I did not "choose" husband over her. She chose a life of drugs and crime and refused treatment and a normal life. UGH. I am still ticked off about that one....

 

[FlowerGarden]

Hope she goes for it and stays with it. My difficult child's girlfriend had such a hold on him. She treated him terribly, deliberately would push the right buttons to get him to rage, but yet he didn't want to be without her. difficult children seem to be controlled by their boy/girl friend. Keeping my fingers crossed that she does the right thing.

 

[exhausted]

PG, this won't ruin your friendship will it? Does your friend really understand the issues with difficult child? I am just asking because my sister offered to take my difficult child and I refused because I did not want my daughter to do to my sister what she had done to us. I also knew that my sister couldn't handle her despite the fact that she was a very similar difficult child herself. Please take care of yourself and know that your difficult child is just looking for excuses by blaming you for "choosing husband". By the way-he should be your choice in te long run. She is an adult who has made these choices. You will spend the rest of your life with husband. You have been a good mom-it is evident in your posts.

 

[Kathy813]

What a great opportunity. Only a difficult child wouldn't jump at it. Why, oh why, do our difficult child's self-sabatoge themselves?

I hope she realizes this is a chance for a new start.

~Kathy

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Oh and what a difficult child she is!!! I woke up yesterday morning to two texts - one at 4am and another at 4:56am. The 4am one was from my friend! Asked to please call her when I wake up, that it is about difficult child, but that difficult child is fine to her knowledge. The other text is from difficult child saying, "I thought I had told you that if you continued talking to Stacey (one of her friends that reached out to me trying to help difficult child), I would no longer acknowledge you?".
Um, excuse me??? For one, I have not talked to this friend since she threw a fit about it before. Second, I will not be spoken to like that - even via text. Exactly who does she think she is? She is threatening to not acknowledge me?? Is this supposed to be a threat??? HA! I have not even responded I am still so mad about that.
So, I call my friend, dreading what she is going to end up telling me. She says that she took anti-anxiety medications for the first time on Saturday afternoon and she ended up passing out around 1pm. She woke up early that night to see a text from my difficult child saying, "please come rescue me" in all caps. So of course she is freaking out thinking something was going on with the boyfriend so she calls difficult child and difficult child is now fine and wants to stay put. Lovely. So now she is bringing the crazy to my friend's life. Friend wants to go get her and keeps trying to insist but difficult child is short on the phone with her responses and is firm about not going anywhere. I apologize profusely to my friend for introducing the crazy to her but she is insistent for me not to feel that way, that she loves to help people and has not been able to help anyone in a long time. She is still thinking she is going to save difficult child...
So my friend forwards me a text that she had sent difficult child yesterday telling her that she has a great opportunity in front of her. That she would have her own bedroom in the apartment, that the complex has all sorts of young people living there, two pools, tennis court, gym, etc. Everything she could possibly want. She told her all she has to do is take it and that she would come get her and she could start work next Monday.

difficult child never responded and I know I keep saying this, but after this, I am officially done. There is literally nothing else I can do. There is absolutely no helping her until she wants the help and heaven knows when that will ever be. But especially after that text yesterday, I need to detach completely. My next step is actually cutiing off the cell phone. I refuse to be her doormat any longer! :/

 

[Kathy813]

My next step is actually cutiing off the cell phone. I refuse to be her doormat any longer! :/

Follow through on that! She is using the phone that you provided to be rude to you. She has an opportunity to take a good job that will pay for a phone. If she chooses not to, why should you keep paying for her phone?

~Kathy

 

[exhausted]

Oh PG the things these kids do. I would not for a second pay for a phone for her if she uses it the way she does. Mine doesn't have one and I found that even when she did it was not a way to stay in touch because she wouldn't answer if I called or texted anyway. It was mostly used for no good. They find ways to communicate trust me. I'm sorry this hurts I know. Hugs!

 

[AmericanGirl]

I have turned difficult child's phone on and off so much for stuff like this..... sorry this is happening.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Well, miss difficult child has been trying to reach my friend for the past couple of days. She called me this morning and said she spent the last few days detoxing and is ready to submit to a sober life. I'm not getting my hopes up, but according to her, she is ready to move in with my friend and get to work. When I told her there is also rehab, her reply was that she is not that desperate. She said boyfriend told her they couldn't live together anymore because she is doing nothing with her life (neither is he) and all they do is fight. While I would love to think difficult child really was ready for a sober life, I think she is just desperate for a place to stay. According to her, her plan is to stay with my friend, work and bank money so that her and boyfriend can get a place together. UGH!! My friend said she was calling difficult child tonight. I am trying to stay out of it, but both of them keep dragging me in...

And in another interesting development....husband found out yesterday that his very good friend (who is the boyfriend's aunt) has been called back in to work at his place of work after being laid off. But, she doesn't talk to her nephew and husband says he is not saying anything to her about the boyfriend/her nephew and his relationship with difficult child. He says difficult child is living her own life and we need to let her live it.

So, that is the update so far. I do hope she goes to stay with my friend and gets to work. I think she would meet a lot of "normal" people and I know my friend will work difficult child to pure exhaustion.