The Phone Call......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by New Leaf, Mar 31, 2016.

  1. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Sitting at work today, my cell phone rings, a number I do not recognize. I answered to a voice saying this is so and so from the prosecutors office.......that's when the air gets heavy and thoughts get kind of floaty and a deep breath takes a long time.
    He is trying to find Rain.....a preliminary hearing tomorrow, she needs to take the stand. They want to put this guy away who beat heart sinks to the floor and flutters. I stammer and swallow the lump forming in my throat, praising heaven and cursing circumstances.
    "Does she live with you?"
    I explain briefly to him our situation, how we have tried to help, tried to get her to a DV shelter. Tried.
    Tried so long and so hard to make some sense of all of this.
    The years of in and out and chaos flash before me like a sped up silent movie, as I speak, my voice waivering with the sorrow I am trying not to choke on.
    Choices, consequences.
    Now this.
    It sits in the pit of my stomach as remorse and guilt bleed down the office walls closing in on me.
    I explain to him where I think she may be staying and he talks a bit about if that's where she is living,
    The words slow down and echo through my soul. I know this, I do, but to hear it from this man......
    He is kind, reassuring and understanding. I talk to him of the incidences I know of where Rain has been beaten and ask him why this man has been let free in the past. He cannot answer.
    He says in a low voice, "This is a very violent, bad man, he has prior convictions and we want to get him off the streets. Your daughter is the victim and prime witness, and she needs to be at the trial tomorrow."
    He goes on to tell me that he will spend the day looking for her.
    I thank him several times, it does not express my gratitude.
    I tell him that I will look for her after work, if need be.
    He asks if I will be there in court.
    I say yes. Of course.
    I tell him it will not be easy for her and I am not sure if she will go through with it.
    He then says, " We do not like to do this, but if she does not show, we may ask the judge to issue a warrant to bring her in to custody to testify."

    Tick, tick, tick, says the clock as I process this.
    Draw another long breath.
    I ask him to let me know if he has found her, and thank him again.
    I hang up, shaking. I cry. The ugliness of the whole mess swirling around me.

    I breathe.
    Collect myself, I am at work.
    It is a strange outre existence, working in an elementary school and getting a call from the prosecutors office about a trial for the man who beat your meth addicted homeless daughter.

    The clock oozes off the wall like Dalis "Persistence of Memory" painting.

    I shake my head.
    An hour has passed. I get a text. It is the same man........ I found Rain. She will be in court tomorrow.
    Time and place.
    I reply....... I will be there. Thank you.

    I have never been to court.

    Rain is going to have to be brave.

    I can only imagine the things I am going to hear.

    I am going to have to be very brave.

  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    You are stronger than you think. It will be hard on you later, but you will be able to support Rain.
  3. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    All Maika’i, Leaf.

    This seems to be good news. Something is happening. Wheels are turning and on the move. I truly understand the feeling of getting a call out of the blue from law enforcement, as my feelings were so similar when I was contacted without warning from the prison intake center. I felt the same emotions you described. From the call I received, I realized the person I was hearing from was on my side also and understood. I give thanks for the prosecutor who had kokua for you. And he found Rain.

    I know it will mean a lot to Rain, for you to be there to support her as she does the right thing. She may not know it or show it, but it will make an impact. ~ Just to show your girl you are there for her. You are right ~ it will be hard. But you do not need to stay for a long time if you feel it is not wise.

    Also, remember ~ this is not about you. If I had to do something like this, I would keep a very low profile. Give it some thought. You know your girl the best. And the setting of the court hearing and your presence in the courtroom / or not should be decided regarding what is best for Rain. I would ask myself these questions if I was in your situation, to determine what the extent of my presence should be …..

    · Will she want you there to hear the worst of it?
    · Or will your presence make it harder for her to testify?
    · Will it anger her that you are there in the courtroom to hear everything?
    · Will she try to ignore you?
    · If you might get emotional, will that disturb her?
    · If she gets emotional with you there, how will the effect of it be (on you? on her? on the outcome?) etc.

    Perhaps you might just let her see you are there. If you get a chance to talk to her beforehand, ask her if she would like you to be present in the courtroom or if she would prefer you wait outside the courtroom? But that you are there for her, and are confident she is doing right and can take care of what she needs to do. Maybe you could seek the opinion of the prosecutor on these matters if you get to see him.

    This is a big step for Rain. Honestly, she is very likely relieved it has come to this, as you are. Think of this as possibly a big step towards a “turning point.” You both have been very brave through the ordeals of your “face-offs” during the last months. And this is another one, of a different nature.

    Stay onipa`a, ikaika, Tita! You can do it. You are going to be alright.
    Tomorrow will dawn – the new day – Ka la hou.
  4. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    P.S. Take a sweater. Most courtrooms I've been in (Jury duty 8 times) are freezing.
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  5. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    It is 1:00 AM and I just read this.

    You are very strong. You will be fine.

    Get there early to let her know that you are there. You can tell her that she is doing the right thing and that you support her choice. Ask if she wants you in the courthouse or for you to wait for her in the hallway.

    This could be a turning point for her. It is a very proactive step on her part.

    It will be difficult for her because he will be there facing her in court, dressed up and clean to appear wholesome. She should just look at the Prosecutor's face.

    You will both be fine.

    I will be sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, my dear sister.
  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you IC, Kalahou and Feeling. I do plan to be outside early and see what Rains preference is. This is her call. I did think that it may be harder for her to testify if I were there in the court room. Hard for me, too.
    I was surprised at that and am thankful. Yes, wheels are turning. It is maika'i.
    I will take my cue from Rain. But I do think it important to at least be there to show support. Whatever happens from there is okay. It is up to her.
    Hopefully this will be a pivotal point. We shall see. I place all in the capable hands of Akua.
    Mahalo nui dear sisters.

    I will go tomorrow with the hope that Rain will lean upon the strength of her lineage to make a stand.

    With much Aloha
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Oh how I wish we could have brought the "man" that got my daughter hooked on meth and beat her to court. Instead I lost my cool and threatened to kill him in front of a police officer so I was the one that got arrested. The ONLY time I have ever been arrested. They charged me with terroristic threats and the officer treated me like I was an awful criminal. It happened right before Christmas and he wanted to keep me in jail over the holidays. Luckily enough a police officer that I knew saw me there and got me in front of the judge that day. I got bail. I called the DA and he dropped the charges to disorderly conduct. He knew I was not a criminal - just a mom going through some hard times. When I went in front of the judge he told me that had it been his daughter, he would be there for much worse. He gave me a fine and that was the end of it. But that jerk that beat my daughter and got her hooked on meth? Nothing. Not a thing. :(
    I pray for strength for Rain today!! And you!! I pray that monster is off the streets for a very long time....
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  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Prayers and many gentle hugs for both you and your daughter.
  9. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    Leafy ~ I am with you. We are all with you. Courage is not the absence of is the decision to walk through the Fear. You have been doing that all along. One thing I try to do when it's time to be brave, is I try to go ahead and feel the fear. Accept all the physical trademarks. Let my hands shake. Acknowledge the cotton mouth. Keep breathing despite my whirling stomach.

    You are in my heart.

    Rain is in my heart.

    All the best thoughts & prayers for you & Rain today.
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Leafy - OMG I can only imagine how you felt when that man called. I would have been off the phone and running to the bathroom!

    Good luck today and everyone is right, something is happening and sometimes that's what we need.

    We'll be with you in spirit. I know you'll let us know what happens. (((HUGS)))
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Leafy I just now saw this. My fingers are crossed and my heart is full of hope that things go well today and that monster is put away for a good long while.

    Much love and strength to you.
  12. mtic

    mtic Member

    Thinking of you. Stay strong!
  13. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thinking of you, Leafy, and sending positive vibes. Please let us know how today goes.
  14. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much everyone. Words cannot express.
    I am sorry that you had to go through this, it is insidious........
    Thank you Pasa. That means so much to me.

    PG, I think I will take my "Mans Search for Meaning" book with me. It will help bide the time and calm my nerves. Thank you for taking the time to encourage me.

    Yes RN, I will let you folks know. Praying for good results and a crossroads with all of this.

    I hope the same, I think this is a preliminary hearing, which means the judge is going to determine there is enough evidence for a trial? That is what I read on the web. It is crucial my daughter have the courage to testify. I hope and pray she does. Thank you Lil.
    Thank you MD. I will try my best to stay strong for my daughter. I do not know what to expect.

    I so appreciate the positive vibes Crazy, you have no idea how much.......I am grateful for the work you all do in keeping this site for folks like us. It is an oasis in a scorching desert...........

    Waking up to see your words of encouragement fills my heart and will help me get through this mess. Thank you all so very, very much for taking the time out to post and help me walk through this.
    Lord knows you are all going through trials of your own.
    I am taking you all in spirit with me, my fellow warriors.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  15. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    You WILL be brave, Leafy, because you already ARE.

    I didn't read through all the posts, but I will. I just wanted to say that I will be with you in spirit-I know how difficult it is to go to court, especially for the first time and you will have to witness Rain and hear all the rehashing of the pain...

    I can't count the number of times your wisdom has stilled my racing heart, your words have soothed me and your support has given me hope. You deserve the best and I know that you can gather the same strength that you show to others, to get through this ordeal... I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers .
  16. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    We are all here with you Leafy. This is such a scary thing, but also a good thing and the right thing. Much strength to you both.
  17. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thanks BG. I have to get off my keester and clean up a bit. I don't even know if she will want me in the courtroom, she is a very private person.....You know, I don't even know what I am going to wear, part of me wants to wear my camouflage pants and sport a fr*&&in baseball bat, or bring one of my incredibly huge Hawaiian, menacing looking (but really a Teddy Bear) second cousin in law...........Then I am thinking, yah how intimidating, a granny in camo capris, with a baseball bat. And I wouldn't want any of hubs family getting tangled up in this mess.
    I know I need to dress conservatively and bring a sweater.........This is going to be hard. Not just the what to wear thing, the whole thing. I am not trying to make light of it, but my mind is going a wee bit crazy right now, so much emotion and mad, sad, anxious.........everything. I need to slow down and breathe............

    ........Would it be over the top to wear combat boots?
    How about my cowboy boots, oooh I just want to give that guy a swift kick in the you know what.

    It is a good thing and a right thing Albie. I am trying really, really hard not to go down that yellow brick guilt road. What could I have done? She wouldn't save herself, I couldn't bring her the stomach churns you know?
    I hope, hope, hope, that she will show, and be brave and try to get a fresh start,
    from all of this.
    All of these feelings and too much coffee.

    I am sorry, I am rambling............
    I am going to sign off now and use all of this crazy energy to clean up.

    Thank you everybody.
    I have to go look for my dark glasses.
    And something conservative and kind of menacing at the same time......
    I will check in before I shower for suggestions......

    Last edited: Apr 1, 2016
  18. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Leafy... You can use my alter ego personality...which would be a granny in camo and combat boots named gRambo. When I become gRambo...I pull up my grannie panties and kick some butt.

    Hoping things go well for your daughter and you. KSM
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  19. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    gRambo, I like it.....thank you KSM......
  20. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Just logging on. Good luck tomorrow, Leafy. I wish you and your daughter nerves of steel!

    I knew an attorney once who worked in the DA's office. He told me in the majority of cases where there was abuse, the victims generally do not show up. I can see why. I can only imagine the fear a person would have to go through to testify against someone that has physically abuse them. All my best to both of you warrior princesses! Go put him where he belongs.
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