they took my son away

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, May 21, 2007.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    we had court today- it was originally scheduled to be a competency hearing, but the evaluation hadn't been done yet (county health had rescheduled). Then, we were planning to use this court time to try to have charges reduced so I could get difficult child into an inpatient evaluation. Even though I had verified this before, I called insur. co again friday afternoon to be sure and then they said they would not pay for it. i called GAL and left voice mail fri afternoon telling her this. she had told me before that she would be at our house at 12:30 on monday (today) to discuss specifics about trial (scheduled for 2:00). Well, even though I had left her this voice mail friday, she still showed up and trial was still scheduled. she has always talked with us like she was on the same track and wanted the same for my difficult child as me. she wanted to look all through the house, which i had not expected. we moved in here last august but it looks like a month ago- some rooms still have boxes in them. so, i showed her living room, kitchen/dining, bathroom, difficult child's bedroom. everything seemed fine, although difficult child and I didn't know why we were going to court today since comp hearing or inpatient evaluation went wrong. she asked a lot of questions, particularly about school, which i answered and made sure she knew that i was appealing the sd's decision to place difficult child on long-term suspension and manifestation determination.

    in court, prosecuting attny asked for difficult child to be taken off monitor and held; GAL says she's seriously concerned about my difficult child's myspace and that "Parent hasn't done enough to help him" (HUH) and that because i was against the day school that the sd proposed for next year, and because she was concerned about the psychiatrist switching his medications around, she has asked social services to be brought in and consideration be given to foster care. mind you, my difficult child was sleeping during day and up all night (suspended from school- which i'm appealing); then he stays up 36 hours straight then crashes for 16 hours after being put on lamictol so psychiatrist takes him off medications (friday). anyway, they are keeping him in juvy until June 11 because they say they can get the competency evaluation done by then (it was already scheduled by the county for May 31 so what does this have to do with anything?) and, GAL is supbeoning (SP) the psychiatrist. And, social services was put on standby to place my son in foster care. they say because he was staying up all hours of night on myspace. then they say because i didn't have him in counseling from last may until now. i tried to explain that we got overwhelmed with therapists last spring and needed a break. when we took the break, things got better, i didn't know why-i was just afraid to change anything. then when the bottom fell out this spring, i was trying to get him in inpatient evaluation but had a "plan b" for outpatient re-evaluation and counseling. this was not enough for them.

    i was losing it. GAL sounded like sd's lawyer in court. i'm sure she misrepresented herself to me because she had already requested all this even before she came to our house. Why???? it's like they already have their minds made up. woman from social services says "if he's put in foster care, he'll just go from place to place, never come back home, and will not get any better". Then why are they trying to get him in there? i'm not perfect, but i love him, feed him, etc. what is it that they are trying to make me do? my son told me when he spent the one night in juvy in march, that the older boys threatened him sexually- said they'd get him in the shower. i'm distraught over what is going to happen to him in there.

    how can they say i didn't do enough to help him? i lost it- and told woman from social services that if she thinks a foster home can miracously cure this and he'll become a perfect child, then send him there. i didn't mean i wanted him to go, but now i'm afraid they'll do it just on that. they said it looked like i was hiding something. why? if i was hiding something, would i be trying to get difficult child in inpatient evaluation? i didn't want gal to go in three rooms because they had boxes piled in them- and one was my bedroom. i didn't know she was coming to inspect. i know my half-brother has ALWAYS wanted custody of difficult child- my bro's gay and never married- lives with man- will never have children- and he'll do anything to get difficult child. He lives in a different state- could he be contributing to this?

    Suggetsions, PLEASE!! I love my difficult child.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. I don't have any advise - I have absolutely no experience in dealing with any of these issues.

    Just wanted to let you know how sorry I am that it has come to this. We are here.

  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. Unfortunately I have no experience so have no advice but wanted to send some hugs and prayers your way.
  4. sameold sameold

    sameold sameold New Member

    Wow, it sounds like you need a lawyer. Contact your disability rights center, maybe they can give you some advice. Contact your local NAMI, they can also direct you to someone who can help. Good luck
  5. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Wow. I'm so very sorry. Why they want to put more kids in the system, I will never understand. Wouldn't it be more helpful to keep them with their families and give them help there if they thought the families needed help?

    I agree that it sounds like you need a lawyer. It doesn't sound like you have anybody on YOUR side. :::hugs:::
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    what a nightmare. I think I would try to get legal counsel to help you sort it out. sometimes for free you can get a lawyer. try the family service division in your county.
  7. branbran

    branbran New Member

    That is absolutely appauling!!!!!!! I wish these people knew what we do for our difficult children and how difficult it is!!!! They always blame the parents!!!!!!11 Dont they know we do enough of that ourselves?? This kind of stuff just makes me so ANGRY!!!!!! How can they think any child would benefit being removed from a loving home, especially a difficult child child? They leave these poor children at home with their drug addicted parents yet they want to remove your child. Makes no sense. Like you let him stay up all night on my space. Yeah - do they have any clue how hard it is to make any difficult child go to bed or do anything for that matter???? That lady should take your difficult child to her F****** house and see what it is like!!!!! Im so sorry. That really stinks.

    Get a lawyer, look into disability lawyers or even try the Student Advocacy Board, If they take your case - it's free. Also look into "Family Ties" An orginization for families with children with special needs. Im from NY, but I believe they are national. They can point you in the right direction. I have used them for a number of things.

    Good luck, you are in my prayers
  8. dlgallant

    dlgallant New Member

    You definitely need a lawyer. You now know where you stand with the GAL. Our previous counselor pointed out that lawyers could make Jesus look like a bad by the time they get done "spinning." Many times truth or right have little to do with court decisions. The best interests of the kids are supposed to be paramount, but the desires of egos are what wins. I am a family court mediator and have seen the courts do far more damage than good. Hopefully your brother is not pushing this. You should request any reports filed to social services through the open records act. Sometimes this is time consuming. Check with any pro bono agencies that you can find for legal assistance. It is possible to turn the tide back to your favor but it could take some work. Don't trust the GAL too much, but be as cooperative and pleasant as you can. Try to get everything in writing as much as possible. From my experience when people don't want something in writing they can't be trusted. Also, get organized. Start a notebook or portable file with letters, reports, whatever. Also keep a log / diary. Keep everything brief and well marked to find easily. It's a good idea to make copies of everything. Keep the originals safe and you can highlight or mark on copies. Sometimes orignals won't be allowed in court if you mark on them.

    Good luck,
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you all !!!! Just for the record, I've been getting up before him and checking his email, myspace, etc, and deleting what I can and what I thought could lead to something dangerous. It wasn't the ideal situation, but I thought it would do until I got him into the inpatient evaluation, which I really believed would happen. He was even ok with that because he had said he thought maybe he was bipolar. anyway, i had planned to take the computer someplace and have real parental controls installed- the ones that come on the computer are too easy for him to bypass. I didn't think it was a crisis- wrong, but not a crisis- that he portrayed himself to be older than he his on his myspace and that he'd searched for photos of naked women. mind you- i don't condone this, and was very concerned about perverts on the net, but i did not view this as a "get the h**l out of the house" issue. I really think this must have been an excuse for the GAL, judge etc., because they can't possibly remove every child who abuses their bedtime and internet from their homes. I really didn't think they could do this without some reason to think there was abuse or neglect. so I am at a lost. they insinuated negelect because I had not kept him in counseling from last May, but that seems like a stretch to me.
  10. dlgallant

    dlgallant New Member

    Don't underestimate (or in some cases overestimate) the court system. I've seen people charged with abuse because they came back to court too many times trying to enforce visitation orders, seen a father given unsupervised visitation after release from prison for raping that child, a mother fined for taking her difficult child to have a drug test, parents talked into foster care for a month which turned into a year, 3rd parties getting custody when no neglect or abuse was ever found. Family courts tend to play fast and loose with the law because so few people can afford appeals, and so few appeals are successful. And the laws that do exist give judges a lot of latitude.
  11. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Wow, what a world we live in!! What is happening to you is discraceful. It blows my mind, no matter what you do - they blame you anyway. I have to say I have had very good experiences in my family court. The best thing my difficult child did was get arrested. My judge and everyone involved really were on the same page as I. Well cross my fingers - its not over yet!!

    I feel so badly for you, I cant stop thinking about how stressed you must be. If they only knew how much you have done for your child, If only they knew how many tears you have cried for your child, If they only knew how you so wish you could bear this burden for your child. We all know.

    Keep your head up.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ok, here's one issue that really bugs me. I told the GAL that I could get her a copy of last spring's evaluation from the psychiatric. I told her it was about 24 pages long and I thought it was pretty good except there were one or two things in there that i thought were misunderstood- which wasn't too bad for a twenty-some page report. The GAL asked what- so i told her it said in one place that he was cruel to animals. He has never been cruel to animals, that I have ANY reason to believe. so, when we're in court, she says to the judge, the mother doesn't want to relinquish the report because she doesn't agree with certain things in it- like "he was cruel to animals". Ok- is that back-stabbing? It was obvious that everyone in the court thought i was just covering for him. because i felt it.

    Then, later the social services woman asks where i thought that statement in the report came from. i said, the only thing i can think of is that he rages at home sometimes- yelling, screaming, not destroying the house, but when this happens, even the dogs are scared and run from him. Is this the same thing as cruelty to animals?
  13. dlgallant

    dlgallant New Member

    You really need to get good legal representation and a court respected counselor before some of this stuff sticks. My ex had 10 years of supervised visitaiton due to abuse that he rarely exercised until one day he decided he wanted full unsupervised visitation. My oldest relayed a story where my ex was physically abusive to me during a visitation and would not stop until I finally fought back. The GAL reported to the court that I struck my ex, not that I defended myself. I wasn't allowed to bring my daughter to court to correct this, and it was my word against a respected attorney. The GAL also reported that there was no mention of attempted homicide in my ex's mental health records, he claimed mild depression that had been successfully dealt with. The judge refused to acutally read the reports, she took the GAL's word for it. My ex won visitation and abused my daughter for 5 more years before finally completely losing visitation. Unfortunately he did so much damage that my now 18 year old difficult child is living on the streets.
  14. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    what is a GAL?
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I am so sorry this is being done. (you'd think they'd have better fish to fry)

    Get a lawyer. You need one. No one is going to look out for you and difficult child, but YOU.

    I hope someone with more experience sees this and can offer more advice.

    Saying prayers.

  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    A GAL is a Guardian ad Lidemm (SP)
  17. dlgallant

    dlgallant New Member

    GAL is a Guardian ad Litem. In most states it's an attorney for the child, but different states have different criteria for GAL's
  18. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    So sorry you are going through this. It must be tearing you apart. :sad:

    You really need to get a lawyer and fast.

  19. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm so sorry they are doing this. I agree, you need an attorney ASAP.

  20. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I'm so sorry - what a nightmare!