Thrown For a Loop

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by susiestar, Mar 10, 2017.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am not sure why this shocked me so badly this week. Maybe because it is a sign that my oldest is still thinking in such a warped way. He clearly hasn't come nearly as far as I thought he had.

    The background:

    Two weeks ago we had to do a major cleaning job so that our air conditioner could be fixed and our dishwasher could be replaced. Thankfully we live in an apartment so the cost of that was not on us, but it still had to be done. thank you is in charge of the kitchen and had slacked off, and I needed help with some other things from him. Hubby works two jobs so he didn't have much time off, and we asked thank you to do more than he normally does. thank you indicated that he would skip several days of his role playing game (he plays four days a week and almost never misses) in order to get the work done.

    Apparently thank you told his older brother that he was grounded. It kept Wiz from hounding him to just come and play for "a little while" or from putting a guilt trip on thank you. I am okay with that. I can be the bad guy if needed.

    The distorted thinking:
    I ran into Wiz at his job (a grocery store - common to see him there). He was CLEARLY upset with me. He asked me to please not ground thank you for this Sat. I told him there was no reason to ground thank you, and am sure I looked incredibly confused. I did NOT know that thank you had claimed to be grounded. Wiz told me that I needed to admit that I often grounded him for no reason at all, so I should not be surprised to be asked this.

    No reason? ? ? I wish I knew what reality the boy lived in. Refusing to do chores of any kind. Cursing out his parents and teachers. Stealing. Breaking his siblings things on purpose. Hurting people on purpose. Those are things we grounded him for. It was not EVER for no reason at all.

    Just when I think we have gotten closer, have moved past things, he shows so much anger and hatred to me. I swear that he looked at me with absolute hate in his eyes when I told him I loved him. I know it will get better again. But what on earth goes on in his head???

    If I didn't see proof every day that thank you is level headed and makes good choices and isn't like Wiz, I would NEVER let them spend 4 days a week playing these role playing games together. I do know that Wiz tries to be a good big brother, and the other players are good guys. I also know it is a clean and sober environment. But I would not let Wiz be around thank you that much with this much twisted thinking if I didn't know that thank you's head was screwed on straight.
     
  2. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    If you just call him "T" will it still autocorrect to "thank you?"

    It's the game, Susie. To gamers those games are all important. Like they are going into real-life battle. Wiz feels like T is crucial to the game. The hatred you saw was because you thwarted that.
     
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    This makes so much sense to me, but it scares me too.

    It is like the game comes to define real life, and its rules become more overarching and "real" than those real relationships and even potentially, law.

    I am thinking here of online "real" and "fake' news. With the onset of the internet, we have a more efficient mechanism to disseminate these ideologies that are larger and realer than the ideologies of State or religion or "family values." I am carrying this too far, I know, with respect to Susie's situation, but when abstract rules and relations become more compelling and override family and community connections, it kind of reminds me of fascism or communism.
     
  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    It is scary, Copa. For Ferb, his online gaming life is far more important that his real-life actual life. If I could go back in time and do ONE thing differently, it would not giving him an X-box. In my opinion, it is a cult-like activity based on violence. At a time when Ferb should have been forging friendships, exploring real life, and making connections, he has instead allowed the gaming culture to consume him.