Oh, Lord, I need help! I first thought you said you've been "drinking about your garden"....
Your grief has given me so much to think about. Truthfully, I hope I get to die first. I wonder if losing a long time partner is almost as traumatic as losing a twin?
After Toto suggested reading Joan Didion's book, I googled it and was shocked to find that their daughter, Quintana Roo, had passed right after Didion's husband died of cardiac arrest (inspiration for the book). When we adopted the boys I got so many negative societal messages about the fate of adoptees. I particularly hated "Lost and Found". I found a book, co-written by teen adoptees. which gave me hope that things would work out, very positive. Quintana was interviewed for it. How tragic to die so young!