Tons of basketball recruitment letters and Jumper thinks that means she can go to...


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the college sending them. I am steaming. She just got a recruitment letter from the college of her dreams, BUT SHE CAN'T GET IN! I know I posted once BEFORE she got any letters because her coach was egging her on to go to this college or that college, but this is much worse. She won't be able to get into ANY of these schools. She is a C+ student whose grades come from hard work and she tests poorly so her ACT score is unlikely to be over-the-top and her dad and I just want her to take it slow and easy in college. Two year college then a transfer and as long as she needs to graduate.

When I told her the truth about the recruitment letters she said, "So you think I'm stupid. Thanks." Then she tramped upstairs. I felt terrible and went up to try to explain what I meant, but she's still angry.

I called the admissions office at one of the schools and spoke to the director and told her I didn't think they should send out these letters. My kid is just a junior and what's the point if she can't get in? Basically, the coaches send them and they don't know if your child is an A student or an F student. They hope you will visit the campus and, hopefully, your athletically gifted child will be able to play for their team because his/her grades are good enough to get in. If they can't??? Well, then they pat you on the hand and tell you that if you go to a two year school, you can get in and play in two years. That's our plan already.

Honestly, this issue gets me really riled up. Apparently, if she doesn't answer their recruitment applications, they will keep sending them.

Jumper has a hard time knowing she is good enough a player to play on a top notch team, but not a good enough student to get into the college and I wish these coaches would stop sending her these notices. It's like salt in a wound.


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... part of why I hate the whole sports culture, and part of why we've kept our kids out of it.

Not that the SPORT is bad, but that the whole CULTURE is very tainted, and definitely NOT skewed toward what is the best interests of the student. And it's in every single sport.


New Member
I had no idea that is how it went. That is terrible. Can you leave those discussions to a counselor at school from now on? I know you already did talk to her but maybe from now on you could say well maybe we dont know everything, lets ask your counselors at school, they do this all the time, they will know........

Too bad if they are a student at her level, if they really want her that they dont say they will offer a year of probation and offer academic support or some such thing.

I hope she lets you explain....



I've been on the board for @ least 8 years, but I do not post a lot, but I read. I think you need to chill on Jumper. She obviously has a level head and is a good person/girl who has beliefs about what she does & doesn't want, whether it pertains to her old boyfriend, or going to prom with or with-o a date. She will survive this, I believe, if what you have always told us about her is true. I am way older now, but I was recruited by 5 schools to play volleyball. Three schools that recruited me, I didn't have the grades to get in. One even offered me a satellite campus to get grades to their liking & then I could transfer to main campus and play. And yet, I wasn't a horrible student, just not 3.5 +. There are 3 divisions in sports. Although she may have her heart set on a "school" because of the name, there are many other schools in different divisions where she could play and the focus is more on academics and the coaches are making sure they are making the grade. I played at a division 3 school. Division 1 was my choice (who wouldn't want to go), but I had to realistically look at my choices/availability. Those were laid out to me by the coaches I met, as they will be to her. I made my best grades ever at that college. Also, too having had a debilitating injury in the sport in my freshman yr of hs, I knew I could have a repaeat, which I did my freshman yr of college, which ended my volleyball career.

But, my point is, let her figure it out on her own. Let her go, meet the recruiters and hear the facts. It will not harm or scar her. It is life, it is reality and it is with this, how she will be able to handle what comes after college. REAL LIFE. She seems so level headed, that an actual meeting and honest talk could put things into perspective for her. She struggles academically, but her hard work keeps her passing and forging on. She can take those things and channel them into a school in a different division, where she can play the sport she loves with a lot of support.


Roll With It
I do not know what sport she plays or which colleges you are talking about. I do know that some sports have enough earning power for the coaches to be able to recruit good players who do not have great grades and actually get those players into the college. It is not as common in women's sports as in men's, but it does happen for high profile teams. It is NOT talked about because it is not supposed to happen. I knwo for a fact that it does happen anyway. There are a lot of different outcomes for this.

None of us can predict potential with great accuracy. Of course you don't want her hurt, but you cannot know if she will be hurt by a rejection from this college or if it will spur her to prove them wrong or what her or their reaction will be. She is at an age where you have to let her try. She may end up disappointed, but she will not have regrets later because seh didn't gve it a shot.

When I was looking at schools I was recruited by almost every college out there. I had a TON of offers for scholarships and tested extremely high so they clamored for me. At the end of my junior year I realized I had a paper box (the kind that paper is shipped to stores in, holds ten reams of paper) full of letters, offers, etc.... I really wanted to go to one ivy league school in the northeast. My gma told me she would pay for the whole thing if I wanted. I mentioned this school Occupational Therapist (OT) my dad and he FREAKED. Ranted and raved about how I would get hurt, be mugged and killed, he would have a heart attack worrying about me, and on and on. He didn't know I had already applied. I got my acceptance letter a week later and didn't tell ANYONE. I let the univ know so they wouldn't keep sending me stuff. I honestly believed that if I went it meant my father woudl die. He was NOT in great helath at that time and the rant about the school had me worried he would have a heart attack right then. He and bro fought nonstop and I was always afraid during their arguments because of how angry he would get and hwo high his blood pressure would be afterward. He had other objections to 2 other schools and I didn't even apply to them because of that.

A few years ago I said something to my mom about it. She was shocked. Upset that I never said a word to her about applying, being accepted, Dad's rant, anything. She HATED that I gave up the opportunity and hoped that I didn't have huge regrets. I don't. LIfe happened the way it was meant to, and if I changed that well, who knows where I would be now? Would I have gone back home to finish my degree? would I have met husband and had these 3 kids? What good would regrets do?

The point of this is that you don' eally know what is out there for her. You have some ideas, and you have some ideas of her challenges. If she really wants to go to this school, she has to really work at the academics. Depending on her talents and the talents for the pool of people to be recruited by her colleges, she might get some schools to waive some entrance requirements. IT happens in the top men's sports all the time. I know the big univ in OK does it ALL. THE. TIME. because otherwise they might not win as much and to them and their fans, well, college is for ball and not for education. IT isn't as common in women's sports, but it does happen at times.

I know you don't want her to get crushed if she is rejected. And some realism is good. But i think that letting the school counselor or letters from the schools inject that realism is probably better than telling her this yourself.

As long as she is ready to cope with a rejection from her choice of school, let her apply. It may be rejected, but she will know she gave it her best shot and it wasn't the right fit for her. All she is going to hear if you tell her she won't make it in is that you don't believe in her.

We ALL know that NOTHING is farther from the truth that that. Don't let this put a wedge between you. Let realism put a wedge between her and the counselor or the coaches. Then in years to come there won't be that "He told you WHAT???" that I got from my mom. She wont' ahve the regrets my mother spent months thinking I had. If I had regrets, I got over them long before I even went away to college, and only told my mom because she flat out asked why I didn't apply to that school when I had talked about going there for several years.

She has a good head on her shoulders. Trust her to handle whatever they tell her, and to turn to you for support regardless of what happens. Let other poeple be the pin that bursts her bubble.


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please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you need to let her handle this. You can't stop these schools from sending out the letters. You can be frustrated and I do understand that. However, Jumper, from everything I understand through your words on this board, is a pretty together young woman. Let her figure this out. She will realize that her grades are not good enough for a top school through the application process. It's part of life.

Listen, my easy child had fabulous grades and extra curricular stuff, got into university that had the best fine arts dept on the east coast to major in photography -- was so darn excited and ready. She hated it. It was not what she thought it would be, she was out on her own and things fell apart. She ended up with depression, left the university after the first year and didn't know what she was going to do. But through it all, I sat by letting her make the choices, but gently there in case she needed me.

The only thing I "insisted" on, was that she stay in college (she began at a community college the next fall). Fast forward 2.5 years later, she now has a wonderful apartment that she has decorated, is attending college to pursue a degree in special education, has a fabulous job for a wealthy family as their nanny, and is mentally and emotionally happy.

She did it at her own pace, made her own mistakes and learned some fabulous life lessons along the way. I don't believe she would have arrived here if I made the choices for her or tried to protect her from the realities of life.



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Thanks. Of course we are going to let her make the decision. And by default, her decision will be the two year college where, by the way, she can still play college level basketball, because she isn't going to be able to get into the four year schools. Susie, I haven't spoken to any schools that will lower their standards to let Jumper in to play basketball and I'm glad because she isn't going to be a WNBA player when she gets out of She is going to be a social worker.

I think I'll take your advices (is that a word?) and let her figure it out herself. She loves the two year school she planned to go to...there is a dorm, sports, it's a lovely town and there are two other colleges nearby so she'd be near a lot of her friends since it is a popular city to go to college at. The only glitch is that, in order to get a room in their small dorm center, and to get put on the list for the two year certificate she wants pre-social work (Human Services) she has to apply at the end of her junior year as both have long waiting lists. But we can sign her up and then she can still look around at the other colleges if she wants.

That's how we want to handle it.

IC, Jumper is firstly an athlete. If she was your child, there would have been no way to keep her away from sports. None of my other kids were interested in sports, but it's in her blood. It's her passion. Hopefully, she will play sports forever and live a healthy lifestyle. There is nothing on earth Jumper loves more than playing any sport and it would have been cruel to have not allowed it. I don't like how they go about recruiting at colleges, but Jumper is partly the person she is due to playing sports. It's very good for character if your child has the right temperment and it does keep many kids on the straight and arrow.

Thanks to everyone. I will now just let this go. Jumper WILL figure it out. She always makes sensible choices.


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Staff member
MWM, my easy child was a star softball player who was highly recruited. She was also a gifted student academically. She graduated with a 3.8 GPA from high school and made a 1320 on the old SAT.

Still . . . she was recruited by two IVY league schools whose coaches both told her that she didn't have the grades or SAT score to get into their schools academically but she would be able to get in if she played a sport. Also, it is common knowledge that standards are often lowered for football players at big name schools.

Not that I am saying that is right to do . . . but it happens.

My easy child didn't end up going to the IVY league schools because they didn't offer athletic scholarships and we could not afford $50,000 a year. She ended up going to a very prestigious Division 1 private school where she did get an athletic scholarship that paid $30,000 toward the $40,000 tuition. And guess what . . . she absolutely hated it. The coach was verbally abusive to the players and pushed easy child to play even though she was coming off major knee surgery and still in pain.

After the first season, easy child told us she didn't want to play anymore and wanted to transfer schools. She transferred to a large public college closer to home and was very happy to get to be just a college student. She described playing a college sport as being paid to play softball with a side of college courses thrown in. She said that there wasn't any time to enjoy college life. Sadly, most of my easy child's friends who ended up with scholarships to play college softball felt the same way and ended up quitting playing at some point while they were still in college.

So you don't know what will happen with Sonic. I would let things happen and just be there to support her decisions.



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Thanks, Kathy :)

None of the schools who are recruiting her are 1 or 2 grade schools, they have no scholarships for sports either. If they did, we'd be looking at them more closely. She is an excellent athlete, but not so great that they would actually lower their standards to let her in. At least I don't think so. If any do, well, then it's her decision. She's only a junior...I'm surprised they are bothering her so soon.


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MWM, sometimes the best gift we an give our children is the gift of independence when they are still dependent on us! Hope that makes sense.....