Trouble with Hubby

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KTMom91, Apr 5, 2010.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    He's been out of work for three months, and I just discovered his job search has been sporadic at best. Granted, he's getting unemployment, but COBRA for the three of us is as much as the house payment, and when you add in all the other bills, and the fact that my student loans are now in repayment mode...

    Things started bubbling up on Friday, when we were supposed to go to a Good Friday service at church. I couldn't get him to stop watching the Tech segments of the local news, which he tapes and watches at a later time. He was on #8 or so when I started yelling. I hate being late for things, and his inability to get moving ticked me off. We left the house about the time the service was to start, and I unloaded. This weekend, same thing. No motivation, hides in the man cave, doesn't feel well...and I forced him to call his doctor. He has an appointment on Thursday, but says I can't go with him. He's done a pretty good job of hiding his symptoms till now.

    I think he's depressed, and that's affecting his physical health as well. He was previously diagnosis'd unipolar depressive during his divorce from the boys' mother. He's mentioned headaches, rapid heartbeat, stomach pains, body he also made an appointment for a complete physical, again, after I fussed at him.

    Any other things I should look for, or tell the doctor? I'm going whether he wants me to or not.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Ask the doctor to check his testosterone levels. They can fall and cause/contribute greatly to what you are seeing. I have been SHOCKED that my husband has not been more depressed, though I have forced him to stay on his lexapro and blood pressure medications.

    Just in case he flat out refuses to let you go in to see the doctor with him, fax a note to the doctor the day before. That way the doctor will have the info.

    I am sorry your husband is having such a hard time.

    I would encourage you to ask if antidepressant medications would be an option. They really do make a difference for us.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It is really, really hard to get motivated to look for work with the economy the way it is- and I hear that men are more apt to get a major depression over it than women due to their self-identity being so reliant on their ability to support the household and bring in a paycheck. I don't know what the answer is- it seems like you can't let it go on but if you fuss about it, it will just make their self-esteem plummet lower.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well, they'll check his blood pressure..........which could be causing those symptoms. No neck/jaw pain? Shoulder blade pain?

    Last time husband was unemployed.......he moped until I just about lost my mind. I don't know if it was depression, boredom, or just plain being lazy. So I started making him Honey Do Lists and gave him plenty of work around the house to do. Actually, a LOT of work around the house to do. A few weeks later his job hunting was getting more productive. I don't know if it was because getting him up and moving with a purpose motivated him or if all the work made him want to find a job because it was less physically exhausting. lol

    This time......I've tried. Not working so well. For one he knows and plans to get his social security. So he's really not actually looking. argh!

  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Probably a combination of anxiety mixed in with depression that's fueling the lack of motivation. It's an easy hole to fall into. My husband spent a leisurely summer sleeping in and laying around the first three or four months of unemployment. I was ready to scream by the time the kids went back to school. Maybe he would benefit from a therapist to help keep him focused and motivated until he gets rehired. Sort of a "personal coach" -- and it takes you out of the position of feeling like you have to nag him to get him to move, which doesn't help with the relationship.