Trying to keep it together

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by cadydid, Mar 3, 2009.

  1. cadydid

    cadydid New Member

    A little history .. a few weeks ago difficult child rode his bike up to one of the elementary schools and apparently got into it with a group of boys.. From difficult child's version, nothing major happened, so I told him it would be a few weeks before I let him go back up there, just to give things a chance to calm down. difficult child didn't like this, but eventually let it drop.

    Fast forward to this afternoon. It's a nice afternoon, and it's been a few weeks since the other thing happened. difficult child asked if he could go ride his bike. I said ok, with the intention of driving up there after I picked up 16 yr old from the high school. When I got there, there was difficult child and some other kids and it looked like they were playing tag. When a girl standing on the sidelines told difficult child to leave someone alone, I hollered for him to come over to the car. At this point, the other kids took off. I asked him what that was about and difficult child said that one of the boys had tried to take his bike a few minutes before I got there and he was keeping them from taking it. I told him to head home because dinner was almost ready.

    I get home, and a few minutes later there is a knock on my front door and my husband answers. He steps out, and in comes son. I go to the door to see who it is, and it's a police officer. Apparently, before I got there, difficult child was riding his bike around the school (the kids told the police that difficult child was following them around and told them to leave him alone). Words were exchanged and it escalated between difficult child and one boy. The other kids told the police that difficult child got a stick from a tree and began chasing him with it (there was no stick in difficult child's hand by the time I got there) and eventually boy gets hit with stick and difficult child gets punched in the head.

    At this point, Im silently freaking out trying to keep it together. Talked with the officer for quite awhile explaining difficult child's issues and what had happened over the last few weeks. I asked straight out if difficult child was going to be arrested. He said no, worse case scenario he would be charged with aggravated assault, and since this was his first offense, he would get 2-3 years probation. He asked if I wanted to press charges against the other child and I said no. Not only because I didn't think it was necessary, but I was secretly hopping that it would "help" in charges not being brought against difficult child.

    In the end, the other parent didn't want to press charges, saying kids are kids and they will get into fights. But was concerned because the hand that got hit by the stick was recovering from being previously broken in football. And he was upset that the his son's sweatshirt was was ripped . I volunteered to repalce the sweatshirt and to pay for medical bills if he wanted to take his son to have the hand checked out. So it's a wait and see situation to see what will happen.

    I'm scared, worried, and who knows what else at this point. While the police have been involved with him before (meltdowns at school), nothing to this degree.

    The night didnt get any better. Got after the 16 yr old for not doing her chores. Argued with husband about what constitutes an appropriate bedtime snack for difficult child. And despite knowing better than to check work e-mail at home, I did. I have a meeting first thing in the morning to start preparing for a two and half week business trip the end of April.

    Where is Calgon when you need it? :faint::sad-very:
  2. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Just wanted to stop in and give you some support. We have been in alot of situations like this. We have thought about letting our difficult child have the consequences but juvie and court and not to mention lawyer fees are not a place for difficult child.

    It sounds like the other parents are reasonable and will not pursue this any further with medical bills.

    I am new here and just wanted to give you support. Take care.
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    What a mess! Just too much for one person to take on in one night. I hope you got some "me" time out of it.

    Has difficult child lost bike privileges? Is he going to work off in chores any out of pocket expenses that may incur because of this incident?

    In other words, does difficult child understand cause & effect? Is he getting that if he does A, B happens? It's taken years & lots of repetition for my tweedles to understand cause & effect. Bad choice = consequence.

    Good luck at your meeting this morning.
  4. cupcakes

    cupcakes New Member

    We have and are in a similiar type situation and it isn't any fun. You never know if the other parents are going to file charges, and really even if they don't, especially if it happens on school grounds, the town or city you live in can file charges if they feel it necessary. If that happens get a lawyer immediately. 2-3 years probation is a LONG time especially for a kid who may have problems repeating the behavior. If it is his first offense do not just accept it and the probation, there are other ways you can go. But at this point it sounds like noone is going in that direction so you won't have to go through that. I know how you feel right now and it is nerve wracking not knowing what will happen.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi Cady!

    I agree with Linda--difficult child loses his bike privileges for a looooong while (at the very least)...AND should help earn the money to pay for the medical bills and the torn sweatshirt. Hopefully, the other parents will not proceed any farther...

  6. cadydid

    cadydid New Member

    Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I went to the school this morning and let them in on what had happened. They were pretty understanding, surprisingly. The school resource officer came in, apparently to tell the school about what had happened. I think it worked in my favor that I beat him to it. At least he was happy that I did. :D Said made his job easier.

    To those that asked, we did not take bike privileges away. But, he is no longer allowed to go up to the school by himself, nor is he allowed to ride his bike by himself. I told him it's me or husband or he goes nowhere. I don't even want his sisters who are 16 and 18 to go with him. He's not happy but I told him he had a choice of not ever being allowed out of the house or being allowed out with supervision. I'm just not willing to risk it again.

    If we are asked to pay for the medical bills and the sweatshirt, you better believe that he will be working to pay it back.

    Me time? LOL I can cant even go to the bathroom without hearing MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! I'm going to try for this weekend while husband is golfing with his friends. So cross your fingers that the weather holds.. by the way.. he does not know he is going. I schemed with three of his friends.. They are coming down and surprising him.:surprise: It's his anniversary gift from me to him.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You definitely need a calgon night! Sounds like you really handling things well with difficult child. Gentle hugs to you.
  8. Stef

    Stef Dazed and Confused

    Wow- your story brings back similar memories to what happened to us last summer. I too received a knock on the door from some police officers regarding my sons behavior with a group of other boys. Quite a scary situation. My son didn't fare as well though. He was eventually charged with Aggravated Battery, plead to a reduced misdemeanor charge, cooperated, and was sentenced to a year of court supervision c/o sixty hours community service, get a job, attended classes for making better decisions, private counseling, mental evaluation, drug testing, home visits, etc. That doesn't include the lawyer's fee's we had to pay to get his butt out of trouble. Believe me- it ain't cheap. The thing is, and I don't mean to scare you, it's not up to the other party involved as to whether or not charges are filed against your son. My son wasn't charged for almost 2 months after the incident. We thought it was over- it wasn't. The cops said basically the same thing they said to you. The cops will present what they have to the States Attorney, and THEY decide whether to press the case. Just- be prepared. You might even want to talk to a lawyer now -just in case.
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2009