Tweedle dee refusing school .....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Mar 26, 2009.

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  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    kt fell apart last night.....the largest meltdown I've seen since before husband died. Told me that she's afraid to talk about husband because I sometimes start crying. She doesn't want me to cry. AND that she's very angry at husband.

    While trying to explain to kt that tears & anger are normal she dissociated to an infant. Sucking her thumb, needing to be swaddled, etc. I was able to coax her back with sensory input & getting her into a warm bath. Ughhh.

    Now she's refusing to leave the house. Completely.

    This morning I have a toddler on my hands; she took her medications & was very compliant but told me she's scared & won't go to school. So I tucked kt back into bed, called school, & then called crisis team to put them in high alert. I'm about to call therapist & get her in here come heck or high water. I'm flexible & have let therapist put kt on hold while she handled some other kid's emergency ~ it's time to deal with kt's.
  2. Stella

    Stella New Member

    Poor KT. She must be terrified.:( Well done to you for getting her into the bath. I think it was good that she was able to articulate how she felt i.e. saying she was "angry" and also maybe a sign of love towards you that she didn't want to see you cry. You're right though, now it's time for KT.

    Sending you big ((HUGS)).
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I hate that kt is hurting so much. She is very sweet to be concerned that you might cry. But she totally can't see that sometimes crying helps, can she?

    You did a great job coaxing her back from the infant stage. It must be so hard to see her dissociate that way. I can only imagine your anguish when that happens.

    Glad you have crisis team and can put them on high alert. You are very right about the therapist needing to make kt a priority now the way she has other kids in the past.

    It is good that kt is expressing that she is angry. It is part of the healing process. I am sure that process will be harder and take longer for kt to go through than for a "normal" kid.

    Sending gentle hugs and lots of support to both of you.
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh Linda.........
    I am so sorry. I got chills reading your post. You are dealing with so much, as is kt.

    I remember when H died, Matthew completely swallowed everything emotion. He could see visibly how much pain I was in, that he could not stand to even be around me, let alone deal with his own loss over losing his closest family member. In retrospect, there are so many things I wish I had done differently - because after Matt had swallowed his pain for 6 months, he tried to kill himself.

    Placement for kt is a really, really good idea so that she can finally process her own emotions over this without feeling responsible for yours. As much as we try to hide our pain, our kids know - and they love us - and they do not want to upset us.
    I pray the treatment team gets out there ASAP, because little kt needs time to heal, as do you.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Linda, I'm so sorry. Poor KT. Saying extra prayers.
  6. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Oh, I am so sorry. Poor thing! This must be so hard on the both of you. I hope you get somewhere with the doctor!

    Keeping you in my prayers. (((HUGS)))
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you all ~ kt had settled somewhat. However, she is still all over the place. She talked to Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker about multiple personality disorder (a term never used about kt.) She may have learned of it in school, don't know. Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker feels that kt is becoming more & more aware of her dissociative states; how the other parts of kt are stepping in & taking over for her in difficult times.

    She plans on attending school today ~ worked with Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker to straighten her room, finish her homework & set out clothes for this morning.

    In the meantime, I'm getting calls 2x a week from mental health case manager about an open bed for kt. It just isn't happening. Part of the issue being that psychiatrist & therapist insist it's here in town (for my ease) & that it's a part of the foundation that psychiatrist can practice at. That makes it a bit more difficult.

    Cross your fingers we have a quiet couple of days; I have no in home staff for today or tomorrow. I'm planning a couple of mother/daughter ideas.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad she calmed down. Is MPD something that the you and the docs think she has, or are the dissociative states part of something else? Would that impact how you treat these states?

    It is good she is talking about them, in my opinion. And that she is becoming more aware. You have really helped her learn and grow, she has grown so very much emotionally. While seh has quite a ways to go, she is making good use of the tools you have given her.

    Sending gentle hugs and a prayer for a bed close by to open up SOON!
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I think you did a very good job of deescalating a potential voliatle situation. Kudos to you wise and sage warrior Mom.

    I'm sure you've had MORE than your fare share of advice about grief and such, but hadn't heard anyone mention a grief group at your local hospital. Even if you can't GET there physically do you think that maybe you can call them and ask for suggestions on dealing with special needs kids and grief?

    I think it's very good that miss kt is using phrases like "I'm angry" - that's very mature and a step in the right direction from where she was just a few years ago. I'm very proud of her. That's what got me thinking - maybe there is an exercise that you write down on strips of paper how you are feeling. Angry, Sad, Mad....and then put them in a paper bag then pull them out later and discuss one of the feelings. ? I dont know I just think there must be books on dealing with grief or grief specialists that could really give you insight better than we could.

    As for Mother / Daughter Day -I vote that both Mother and Daughter draw me a picture and send it to me. Nothing too fancy - lol. (opportunistic little bugger aren't I?) I love the drawing of the flowers - you really are blooming as an artist!

    Hugs & Love -
    and if you dont' feel like drawing - cookies are good - you can mail cookies. lol
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Linda your a good person and a great mom. awesome job with-her and huge for her to express it that way. i hope your day goes well and quiet next few days.

  11. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Jena, I think this post was from two years ago. And yes, Linda is an awesome mom!
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Linda it sure sounds like you, once again, handled a crisis with perfection. I'm happy that there seems to be improvement.

    I didn't understand part of your post. Did the "open bed" reference mean that there is an open bed but that it is neither in the right location or association for your team? Or did it mean that twice a week you are being reassured that they are seeking an open bed for K?? Or??? that you are calling twice a week to remind them that you need an open bed?

    As always I think you are an outstanding Mom but, like many others here, I worry about the strain on your health and keep hoping that a resolution comes soon. Hugs. DDD
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    DDD - this thread is a couple of years old. just FYI! I am so glad that thus far kt is not falling totally apart at wm's manipulations and lies.
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