UPDATE - In a funk

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Oct 9, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am in a funk and I'm having a bit of trouble shaking it.

    My home is empty and H and I have slipped into a sort of boring little groove. easy child is coming home the end of the month and likely so will difficult child. It's nice and strange having an empty house. The quiet is nice, but a little unnerving at times. I cleaned my house and did all the laundry and various other tasks over the weekend and was done in just a few short hours. I read two large hardcover books in just 4 days! I pulled H away from the renovation on our house to take a hike with me. I bathed the pups & did mini projects out of sheer boredom. I drafted up a contract for when difficult child returns home. I mean, I haven't been sitting on the couch watching tv. I've been busy, but it feels like 'busy work', Know what I mean??

    I feel like a shlump; I gained back some weight and I have no desire to do anything about it. I'm having trouble sleeping too. I can sleep, but in some way I'm resisting it and then I'm tired. I feel tired all the time. I have no one to take care of for the immediate, yet I feel stretched thin. I had a cold sore break out on my nose - I usually only get those when I'm upset or stressing about stuff.

    Is it that the weather is changing and we're going through seasonal change? Is it that the compilation of 'issues' around me are getting to me? My mom called me last night crying and I was able to calm her. It's so hard because she's so far away. difficult child called me and sounded glum. I think exh told her she wasn't coming home this weekend (her 18th birthday) afterall and she's probably feeling down about that. I'm not ready for her to come home and I told exh she needed to stay a bit longer. H and I went out for soup at Panera's (our favorite place) but my heart just isn't into anything at all. I got my period the other day and I wish that pita would just stop already. It's so debilitating now and it exhausts me.

    I am overdue for my review at work since April!! My boss keeps putting me off. I recently had to give my assistant her review and put through a raise for her. Her review was a week late and her raise went through as retroactive. When I finally get my raise, will it be ballsy for me to ask that it be retroactive?

    I guess this is mostly a vent. Seems everyone I know is totally tapped emotionally and I don't want to unload on them, and the ones who aren't are probably just sick of hearing me whine at this point. Haha. Oh well, thanks if you've read this far.

  2. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Well, I have an idea, Jo. :smile:

    I just read Dr. Susan Love's Hormone Book. (Copyright 1995) As I did, I found myself wishing with all my heart that I had understood what was happening to me menopause-wise on the level that these hormonal changes are delineated in that book years ago.

    And I was a registered nurse, Jo ~ it isn't like I am clueless.

    She has a new book out called Sr. Susan Love's Menopause and Hormone Book.

    Much of the research she cites in the first book has been completed, in the second.

    The other book I suggest is "The Power of Now" by Eckhardt Tolle.

    And here is something I heard on Oprah the other day regardig meditation:

    When you meditate, smile.

    With your liver.

    I have been thinking about that alot. It does seem to make a difference in mood.

    They suggested it had something to do with the vibrational energy we are putting out and then, calling back to us.


    P.S. So, what were you reading? I have been reading alot of Patricia Cornwell lately. You have read ShoGun already, right?

    ShoGun always cheers me up.

    And Pearl Buck? I read something by that writer awhile back that I have never forgotten. It was about a forty year old oriental woman who decided she would no longer live as a married woman.

    It was fascinating.

    Listen to some Tina Turner or Carole King or even, Carly Simon.

    Tina will get you up and running every time!

    The other thing I do when I am in a funk is give myself a pedicure. I swear, Jo ~ every time you see your feet with some sexy nail polish sparkling away on the ends of your toes, you will smile and feel prettier.


    I tried St John's Wort (anti-depressant) for awhile there, too.

    I did feel better, and then, stopped taking it.

    I still feel really good ~ but I could be approaching the end of this peri-menopausal thing.

    It is very challenging.

    Try some Pamprin for fluid retention and mood swings.

    They also sell over the counter medications to help with fluid retention. (Fluid retention is a huge problem for me.)

    Wishing well with everything, Jo.
  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sounds kind of like you are stuck in a rut. You are doing things to keep you busy, but like you said, it's just busy work. Maybe think about what you really want to be doing, and then take the time to do it. Don't just do something to keep you busy, do something that makes you happy at the same time.

    don't know if that was any help, but it's all I've got right now :smile:
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    sounds like empty nest. I hate when my house is empty. I didnt even put up the fall decorations yet...lol no one to see them but me.
    just when I get tired of the empty house, people come and stay over night for one reason or another, prompting a run to the grocery store and washing of linens again. lol
    no happy medium.

    one big yuck for me is it getting dark early. I hate that. I will sit on my porch with a candle as long as I can. I refuse to give up my shorts til I have to, I open windows at night to breathe.

    I made caramel apples and rolled them in walnut chips the other day..a comfort food for me. :wink:

    I hope just venting helped a bit for you, you have been so good for so many here with your wise words and warm cyber manner.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Well, at some point you are going to have to find something that interests you. Find a hobby. Sewing, knitting, basket weaving, whatever...you need something to do and feel proud of. Perhaps your hobby is staying fit. Go join the gym and start reading up on healthy foods.
    Perhaps you want to volunteer to help animals or children in some capacity. Start figuring out the best way to do that.

    I will be finishing up my degree in December and I am already stressing about what I will do to fill the time! LOL!
    I am thinking about starting a garden next year and then canning. I will have to read up on it in the early part of next year so I will be ready.
    I am also most likely going back to my Cheer Director role next year. I love the kids!
    Whatever it is - it will not be homework!!! LOL!

    You'll find something Jo. And you will wonder why you didn't do it earlier.
  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    I'm with Janet. Sounds a lot like empty nest.

    We tend to fall back to what is comfortable and familiar. Having the kids around ... doing chores ... going to eat at favorite places, etc.

    I find what helps is doing something outside of the familiar. Try to change it up a bit. Let the house get a little messy. Try a new restaurant with hubby. Start a new hobby.

    We are SOOOO defined by motherhood. Especially when parenting difficult child's ... it requires so much of us ... that when they aren't there any longer there is this huge void.

    Do you exercise? If not, put on some comfy sneakers and go for a walk outdoors. It is good for body and soul.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thank you Barbara for all of your suggestions. I've printed it out and will explore a little. I do own the book Power of Now and several others along those lines...I guess it's time I picked them up again, since I'm reading like crazy anyway, right?

    Karen, I think that your suggestions are in line with what Barbara said as well, thank you. I have this book that my DR recommended to me called, "Finding Your North Star" or something like that. I'll dig it out.

    Janet, thank you for your kind words about me. It lifted my spirits a bit. I think you may be on to something with me and the empty house. H works hard all day and just wants to chill in the evenings, but I'm still going, you know? It's a bit lonely at times.

    busywend, I've been thinking about what I want to do and what I want to do it go back to school to study Reike and Homeopathic Medicine. It takes money I don't have right now. Obviously I have the time - lol. In the meantime, I've been researching and reading related material for years. In the meantime, till I can afford the tuition costs, I do need to find other things that bring me joy and fill my time and fulfill me. I'm working on it. I have always thought that I would enjoy working or volunteering at a women/children's shelter in nearby Hartford. Each year I do a donation collection for them at the holiday time and we donate funds to them in lieu of Christmas gifts with my family.

    Incidentally, I love canning! I did a ton of it last year with the harvest from my garden and some things from a local organic farmer. I will be doing some of that as well soon in preparation for the holidays. I like giving out my canned stuff to friends and family. What are some things you plan on trying? I made cranberry-orange chutney, which was delish. And I also made apple butter, apple sauce, apple pie filling, pickled tomatoes and esbeche - which is basically mixed pickled veggies with jalapenos to make it hot. I had fun with that. You will too.

    I saw my DR for my flu shot today and we covered some other things that have been bothering me. She said she thinks I have a cyst behind my knee, so I have to see an orthopedic guy - I had surgery there years ago so I will see the same guy. She also suggested I see a dermatologist for some bumps under my eyes, skin surface. And she put me on Wellbutrin XL. And she suggested I take Chantix, which I might but not yet, probably in 2 weeks. I have to have my annual physical after the new year, which will include the dreaded colonoscopy. Ugh. But I will force myself to go. I cringe. So, at least I got checked out today.

    Thanks ladies, you've helped me today!
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: goldenguru</div><div class="ubbcode-body">We are SOOOO defined by motherhood. Especially when parenting difficult child's ... it requires so much of us ... that when they aren't there any longer there is this huge void. Do you exercise? If not, put on some comfy sneakers and go for a walk outdoors. It is good for body and soul. </div></div>

    Thanks gg - yes, I agree, so much of me has been taken up by difficult child, h's sobriety, easy child's dreams, my mom, and work that I find myself wondering, "Now what?"

    I do walk, well, I used to walk a lot. I will get back into it. I need to anyway - Dr's orders! Thanks again.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jo, I can't add much to what you've already gotten here, except more support, and a "Wow, you read 2 books in 4 days!!! Wow!" I think that's exciting. I love to read.
    I know what you mean about the slump, and I think taking husband for a walk is a great idea.
    Maybe your walking will lead you to a new exercise program and you'll end up kayaking, biking, doing personal training or whatever. You never know.
    Meanwhile, we're here for you ... it this is hormonal, you can join the crowd and expect to see any one of us here at any given time between midnight and 5 a.m. on the board! Ack.

    by the way, what DOES your husband renovate and build? Just wondering. :smile:
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TerryJ2</div><div class="ubbcode-body">by the way, what DOES your husband renovate and build? Just wondering. :smile: </div></div>

    He can build a house from bottom to top. He does rough work, framing, renovations of kitchens, baths, cabinets, shelving, basements, garages, you name it. He can install doors & windows, put up siding, finish work, trim, every thing.

    This Summer he framed out an addition - a second floor - to our home. We started with a typical 3 bedroom ranch and when he's done we will have an extra large 3 bedroom cape with a front porch. The main floor will comprise a large kitchen with an island separating it from the dining room, but it will be an open floor plan, using the existing fireplace as a hearth and a large front bay window. Down the hall will be a large living room/den which is now two bedrooms. The third bedroom will remain the same. Our bathroom will be updated, as will the kitchen cabinets, etc. The new upstairs will be two very large bedrooms with a dormered back wall and two dormered windows in front with window seats in both rooms. In between the two rooms will be a closet with a washer dryer and a bathroom with shower and tub, along with a linen closet. The master bedroom will hold a walk in closet and an office nook. The other upper bedroom will have a large closet on one side and a storage room above the stairwell. Our basement will be renovated into useable space as well. Right now it's not heated and is basically laundry, storage and boiler room. The present laundry room will be heated and will become a play area. There is a full bath already down there. H has said this project will take about a year, so maybe by next July sometime I will be in my new bedroom! Haha. H is about halfway done with the siding and the exterior should be complete by end of November, just in time before the snow hits.

    Can you tell I'm excited about this?? And, aren't you glad you asked?
  11. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. The others have already given you some great advice. I don't know if I really have much to add. I'm officially in menopause - It happened earlier than I ever expected it to - I wonder if STRESS has something to do with it. Anyway, I know I was a total mess with my hormones being all over the place. I kept myself glued together by exercising regularly. I've found exercise to be the one thing that really helps me. Without it, I think I would lose whatever remaining sanity I still have.

    Since you said you walk for exercise, get back into it. I love the fall. It's my favorite season. What about taking your dogs with you? I know I depend on my favorite sanity saver to help me through lots of difficult times. She and I take long walks together. I guess I'm lucky because I live in a rural area, not far from the ocean, and it really is quite beautiful and peaceful at this time of year.

    I vented here not too long ago. The advice I was given really made me think. I agree with those who said that we spend so much time taking care of difficult child issues, extended family problems, etc. that we don't leave enough time for ourselves. Well, you now have the time and some ideas about how you want to spend some of that time.

    Take things slowly and realize that lots of this might be your hormones and the "empty nest" syndrome that others have spoken of. Start walking, volunteering and canning. I hope you feel better soon!!!

    I think I've been rambling - I hope some of this makes sense!!! WFEN
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    It is so foreign to me as I have not even had a garden - ever!

    I suspect I will grow things I like to eat: peppers, onions, tomatoes. Perhaps some lettuce. Maybe some fruits - raspberries. I guess I could make jams - although not sure if I would eat it. Mostly, I want to be able to go outside and pick something that I am using for dinner that night. But, when it is winter time, I would like to reach in the cupboard for something I grew over the summer.

    BFs mom has a canning pot (I do not even know what that means! LOL!) that she is getting rid of. I told her I would like it. I will remember you next year when I start getting into planting.

    I have never made an apple pie and I want to make one for Thanksgiving. I think I should practice first. How do you make your filling?
  13. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    It must be that time of year; there seem to be a group of us who have the blues of late.

    Hoping you're feeling better soon.
  14. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I scanned through the replies, but didn't read word for word, so I apologize if I'm repeating things.

    I thought of a couple of things. Empty nest, which has been mentioned. We spend so much time raising kids - especially a difficult child - that we don't have much time for ourselves. I hate when someone asks me what my hobbies are. I always feel like I should make something up. By the time I work, clean and take care of the kids I don't have the time, energy nor the money to take on something I would really enjoy doing...once I figure out what THAT is.

    Another thing, raising a difficult child is stressful. Even though difficult child is causing the stress, they also distract us from really dealing with it. We don't have time to be stressed, IOW, but it doesn't go away. It's still there and still needs to be dealt with. Now that it's not in your face everyday, it's demanding to be dealt with. I'm not away from difficult child long enough ever to really experience it. However, when easy child was so depressed I can remember looking so forward to him going to his dad's or to my mom's, but when he left I just fell apart. I couldn't do that when he was here; I had to be strong and take care of him. But once he was gone...that big sigh of relief I was hoping for didn't happen until I dealt with the pent up stress, Know what I mean?? Plus, you had a really big stressor (was it last week?) with difficult child thinking she might be pregnant.

    I'd say to listen to your body and give it what it needs. Take some time to figure out what kinds of things you enjoy. It doesn't have to happen overnight. It's a process.

  15. Sondar

    Sondar New Member

    hi Jo,
    Great ideas provided. I just wanted to share that I've been feeling restless and a little bored. Haven't bought a convertible yet but they're looking mighty good!

    Take care and keep walking. It really releases the endorphin-thingys for me.
  16. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nothing to add in way of suggestions but wanted to send some gentle hugs your way.
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks everyone.

    Last night after some errand running and feeling like the dams may burst at any moment, I finally went home and took a shower, got into some snuggly pjs. I went to lay down with H on the couch and he was not receptive. I went in our room and got under the covers and just started bawling my eyeballs out. H came in and laid down with me and hugged me - didn't ask what was up...urgh. I asked him if he even knew how to comfort someone - I was a little mean, but I needed him to ask me, "How was your day? What happened? Why are you so down?". Finally he did. And I told him in between sobs. I'm worried sick over my mom. I hate that we have to make a decision about her future, whether or not to place her in assisted living, whether or not we can all afford it, whether or not she will be near me or in PA away from all of us except one sister (psycho). It is so painful to see and think about. My mom and I have been super close for about 16 years now and she prefers to be with me over everyone else in the family, I am the youngest of 5 siblings and I fear that I will be the one who has to make an awful decision. Perhaps not alone. So, after talking about mom and then kind of settling down, I realized that I painfully miss my easy child. She's been gone for basically a year now, between college and externing in VA, I feel like she's been gone...none of that day to day seeing her and I know that she isn't ever going to 'live' at home again and it hurts me soooooo much. We're so close and talk on the phone or on line nearly everyday, but I want to see her and her smile and hang out with her. I know I can't do that and I certainly can't hold her back from living her life and pursuing her dreams, but I had to say out loud to someone, poor H, that that is how I feel. Like I lost an extension of myself. And I do miss difficult child, though I have to say not in the same ways. I miss seeing her each day and I miss seeing her go about her life and saying silly things and her friends and just knowing what she's doing...on the other hand, I don't miss it. I want the break, but I want her home. And I know that it's just one of those things I have to deal with. But it pains me.

    I thought about doing something and making changes in how I live my life. I want to get rid of all my 'country' decor and I need to give my decor a facelift - I want something more contemporary and since my basic decor (furn/drapes, etc) is fairly neutral I should be able to change the rest without too much spending. So, I'm going to. I also thought about what I do. You know, I really and truly enjoy reading and hunting for good books. I do that. I do it more now since I have time. I also enjoy baking and I do that also, though not as much as I would like. I have no one to eat the goodies I bake. H is only one man. I suppose he could take the stuff to work with him and share it there. And I love canning so I think I will find some new things to can and experiment. I mean, I LOVE canning, especially pickling.

    So, I had a good long gut wrenching cry and I do feel better somewhat. And I am starting my wellbutrin today. And I think this glitch has brought H and I closer. I really enjoyed leaning on him a bit - something I rarely do - and I am going to do it more often. He is not altogether perceptive about when I need him, but I guess I have to be better about asking and letting him know. I think that part of my persona comes with always having to be the strong one in our home and I have to learn how to let some of that go. When difficult child comes home I think I'm going to have to allow H to handle things more with her. He will be a little lost I think, but he'll be fine.

    So, baby steps - thanks for all the support. I am so grateful to be able to come to a place where there are so many warm and supportive people.
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    AW Jo - ((((HUGS))))

    I am glad you got in a good cry though. Sometimes that in itself helps.

    The mom decisions will be tough. It is a new stage of life. It comes at all different ages though. I already know how difficult that stage will be for me with my sister and my mom. Just listen to what your mom wants. That will make your decisions easier. I hope.
    As far as easy child, I think you should start a yearly get together. You can both meet up somewhere for a weekend and stay in a hotel. Go somewhere that has some things you like to do (shopping - LOL!).
    difficult child - I suspect you will be with her soon and stressed all over again about her. It seems like it never ends with a difficult child.

    I think we should plan a meeting next year so you can teach me to can! Wouldn't that be fun?!?
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member


    I think busy had an excellent idea about planning get togethers with easy child.

    With Jamie being grown and gone from the house he is the one we miss and get nostalgic about. I think it hits his dad harder than me because they were buddies more in the teen years while he was my little buddy during his elementary years.

    We make plans to do things with him and his family several times a year. Just this past august we spent a weekend together in Va Beach. The guys fished and his girlfriend and I played with babies. Then we ate out at night. We go up to visit with him about 3 times a year at his home. We dont stay long, maybe just a weekend but its long enough to see him. To connect. I think he needs it as much as we do.

    Just because the kids grow up doesnt mean they dont want us in their lives. They just move into a different faze. We take a back seat and cheer them on.