Update on difficult child from Frustrated MOM

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by debr, Jun 4, 2009.

  1. debr

    debr frustrated mom

    To quickly update I have been questioning add diagnosis. Went to school psychiatric, teacher and Special Education teacher to get their opinions. they feel that she is not add but is more related to anxiety. went to therapist last night and she is also of the opnion that fgf suffers from low self esteem, anxiety and shyness. Asked if she would recommend psychiatric evaluation so we can get fgf on anti anxiety medications like lexapro(I currently taake 10 mg for anxiety due to difficult child and husband who is permanetly disabled and dealing with his daily pain, depression). THerpaist does not believe medications are the answer and feels psychiatric evaluation is just a bunch of tests. Due to see the dr who made the oroginal diagnosis of add next week. Last time we were there she mentioneded anxiety.

    Does anyone have any organic/vitamins that may help with anxiety? We are going away for the month of July so I want to start moving in a apostivie direction so things will be in place before the school year begins.

    Also any feedback on plus or minus with the use of lexapro or any other anti anxiety medications?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I actually think you need to dump the therapist. Those "Just tests" can tell you A LOT. I'd schedule a neuropsychologist appointment and look for a Psychiatrist. A therapist and educators are not able to diagnose kids. They don't have the training. Anxiety rarely stands alone. I think he could use a complete neuropsychologist evaluation.
    I don't know anything about organics. I exercise for depression, but I do need medications too.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I second the recommendation to dump the therapist, but for another reason - there is a really helpful way to work on anxiety (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy; relaxation/visualisation) and the therapist doesn't seem to be doing any of it.

    However, you need to also stop looking for an easy solution. A label of anxiety won't mean a simple pill for an easy fix. We do tend to do this to ourselves and our children - we look for the "magic bullet" option. But medicine is still an inexact science.

    A thorough neuropsychologist evaluation will tell you a lot more than if your child has ADHD and/or anxiety. Because both of those can themselves be facets of other disorders. Anxiety, ADHD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), impulse control issues are all possible subsets of larger disorders. Medication can help with some symptoms some of the time. There are other ways to manage symptoms without medication. Sometimes, especially when you consider the whole child and how they present, the ultimate treatment plan for tat child will eventually be perhaps a combination of medication, therapy (such as CBT), counselling and ongoing supervision/support. Modifying the child's environment and schoolwork are two useful options in te program.

    If you try to control anxiety with medications alone, then the day will come when (for whatever reason) the medications won't be on board. Then the symptoms will be back, as if they had never gone. WHat will the child have self-taught in the meantime, on how to cope with anxiety? Whereas if you use non-pill methods (such as yoga, for example) then you have a child who has learned to recognise symptoms of anxiety, who has been told it's not his fault and also been taught the ways to deal with his own condition effectively and productively. That will never go away.

    Of course there are some symptoms that simply require medications to treat them. But the more options you use, the more strings to your bow, the better your child will be equipped to self-manage.

    Being prescribed medications, or NOT being prescribed medications, is not an accurate measure of the severity of the problem.

    Example - we have a lot of flu and bronchitis doing the rounds in our area. Doctors see patients walk in with the usual symptoms and reach for the prescription pad, because most people find it's going right through to bacterial infection fairly rapidly. Antibiotics are the quick answer. Too often over-prescribed, with the current epidemic antibiotics are appropriate.

    But I can't take antibiotics. I'm allergic. My doctor knows this and is worried. She did not write a prescription for antibiotics for me, because she knows I can't take them. I am using non-drug methods to treat this.

    I am not less sick than those who have been getting antibiotics prescribed. The doctor is still monitoring the chest sounds for me, has ordered tests to help her know what is going on.

    husband was given antibiotics but chose to not take them, because he has felt he didn't need them. He still has a bad cough, but feels that the bacterial infection is not present (therefore antibiotics won't work for him anyway).

    Different cases, different approach. All equally serious.

    We do what we can, from every direction. You also need to recognise that what you can do for yourself is often remarkably effective. Don't feel impotent just because you're not a professional. You have perhaps the most detialed knowledge of your own child and that is an asset. You have the fastest response time to him, you can 'read' him faster than anyone. This is all valid and deserving of recognition.

    Use your parental instinct. You're already using it by asking the questions about anxiety.

    As for natural remedies to trest your child - whether natural or otherwise, there is no "magic bullet". However, if you want to use every possible anti-anxiety tool that you can (and tey won't be ewnough, you need to do everything you can and STILL work hard at helping your child) then you could try:

    1) massage with vegetable oil to which you've added a small amount of rose oil and lavender oil (you add it to the concentration tolerable to you and the child, not too strong);

    2) Warm bath, similarly scented with rose/lavender;

    3) Chamomile tea (make it fresh from the dried chamomile flowers, don't waste your money on tea bags, they make it far too strong anyway). If you make it yourself, always use a ceramic teapot which is never used for anything other than herbal or green tea. I keep a special teapot just for my herbal tea. I also make my own herbal tea from herbs I grow in the garden, but I only use herbs I can identify and according to known recipes. For example, a home-assembled herbal tea of mine can include some fresh-picked lemon balm (or lemon verbena), some dried chamomile flowers and maybe a few blades of lemongrass, all according to the needs and the preference of the individual the tea is being made for. To relax, you need calming herbs. A stimulating tea is NOT a good idea. But a single ingredient tea can sometimes be more unpleasant, than a blend. If you only use herbs which are safe and freely available, you can't go far wrong.

    A potion doesn't have to be expensive nor does it have to be professionally packaged, to have benefit. And having a product that DOES look professional doesn't make it efficaceous.

    My sister-in-law has very sensitive, highly allergic skin. SDhe spends a fortune on top-brand cosmetics labelled "hypo-allergenic" and has used the same high-end brand for years. In recent years she has sudden;y developed a skin reaction to these products. I investigated and discovered tat her skin problems began at about the same time our laws changed to require the cosmeticcompanies to put preservatives in their cleansers. These preservatives have been upsetting her skin.

    Years ago, I told her to use cold chamomile tea as a toner for her skin, and to use sorbolene as a cleaner/moisturiser. To my knowledge she has never even tried these. And so she struggles on, her skin looking red, raw and blotchy. She really shouldn't have to suffer like this. However, she lives with the beleif that if it costs enough money, ti will work for her. She just has to find the right product because in her mind, it MUST exist, it certainly costs enough!

    Meanwhile I continue to use herbal tea as toner and as moisturiser I use the leftover olive oil on my hands after I've spread it over the vegetables I'm about to roast. I just wipe the excess onto my face and arms.

    For her, chamomile would sooth the inflammation in her skin, would "cool the fire" and allow it to begin healing. But it is too freely available, it doesn't cost enough so therefore it can't be any good.

    Ive got into trouble saying this before, but it's time to say it again - some people just have to change their mind-set.

    But tis can be a terrifying thing to do, because it means admitting you're more out on a limb than you feel safe to be.

    Once you stop being afraid of this, you can begin to feel free. It's a bit like standing up the front of the ship with your arms spread out wide. It looks dangerous but can be very exhilarating. And as long as you're stuck there anyway with nothing else to do, you may as well enjoy yourself.

    There are no easy answers. There is no pathology test we can send off for. We can't put the kid under a spectroscope or microscope and say, "Ah, it's this big, this colour therefore it must be - X!"

    Instead, all we can do is gather as much information as we can, not only on what it could be but on the full scope of all possible things we can do, to help, on every level possible.

    And even then - we keep our eyes & ears open because there is always new information. On this site we share as much as we can to speed up the "getting of wisdom".

    Welcome to the mob. Here's hoping you can get some useful answers soon and cut through the ... crud.

  4. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    My difficult child 1 and I have both taken Lexapro before. I didn't know I was anxious before I took Lexapro, but I noticed that I didn't dwell on negative things or possible dangers or problems when I was taking it. I loved Lexapro.

    I noticed the very first day that I took it that it changed my thought process. As an example, I was making dinner and husband was laying on the couch. Before Lexapro, I would have felt irritated and angry that I had so much to do and husband was just laying there. With the Lexapro, I started to think that but almost before the thought completed itself, I thought that husband would help if I asked and he had been at work all day. It is like my brain would not even go down that path.

    difficult child 1 was taking it for ODD, with the belief that her ODD was caused by depression. It would work at first but we had to keep increasing the dose. Eventually, we were thinking we would have to add Seroquel to her medications.

    Around that time, we discovered that we all needed to go on the gluten free diet. I started before difficult child 1 and felt giddy pretty quickly. I felt that I probably didn't need the Lexapro any more and went off from it pretty quickly. My anxiety/irritability has not returned, unless I eat gluten. Since I felt so good, I was convinced that difficult child 1's problems were probably also related to gluten. She is now on the girlfriend diet (and dairy free) and doesn't take any medications. I feel better on the girlfriend diet than I did when I was taking Lexapro. I had some cognitive and physical symptoms that also went away.

    So I think Lexapro works on anxiety, and I think if you are interested in a natural treatment, the girlfriend diet might work, too. It is not as easy as taking a pill, but it was the magic bullet for us.