Update on difficult child!!he's not having a good time.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gwenny, Mar 3, 2009.

  1. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Well saw difficult child last night and he wants to come home. (not going to happen). He spoke with his mom who told him that we read his journal about having a boyfriend. He was furious when husband spoke to him on the phone tonight.

    What is wrong with this woman??? Here we are trying to get him help and she is just causing more problems. So we turned the table on her tonight!!lol husband asked her if she knew that difficult child has stated that he has prostitued himself for money and drank her liquer. She was furious and let out several more secrets of difficult child. She said he would take poops and wipe them on the walls and she found poop on and behind the couch. She said he would wipe it all over the bathroom walls, vanity tub. She stated that he attacked his brother several times with the intent to hurt or kill him.

    I have read on here that antisocial personality disorder emerging/budding requires 3 things-- fire starting, pee/pooping all over and cruelty to animals. I cant seem to find anything on antisocial personality disorder where playing with their poop/feces.

    Why do they do this? I am at a loss as to even guess why?

    Thank you in advance..
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I'm going to ask something ~ please take it as is & don't freak. Are you aware if difficult child has been molested anytime in the past? I'm just replying with the things that I've experienced with my children (wm).

    Boys are notorious, for feces spreading, if they have been sexually hurt in any way. Additionally, they tend to have sexual identity issues connected to the abuse/molestation. We've seen a great deal of this type of behavior in my tweedle dum ~ it's due to past abuses & such.

    It sounds as though bio mom wasn't the "greatest" when it comes to parenting or safe choices.

    Again, take this with a grain of salt if it doesn't seem to apply. AND be aware that I ask this not knowing the other issues that tend to display with these types of presenting behaviors.

  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think the feces spreading is considered part of the pee/pooping all over. I have NO idea why they do it, unless it is just another outlet for the rage they feel. They know it is "taboo" in our culture and breaking taboos is part of what they do to act out.

    I was wondering what Linda was wondering about sexual abuse. I doubt biomom would give a straight answer even if she was aware. But it is something you may want to talk to the therapist and psychiatrist about.

    I am sorry that he is so disturbed. He is in the right place. You truly can NOT have him spend even one night in your home again. It is just too dangerous to you in your disabled state. If for some reason he has to come home between hospital and placement in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or wherever, then YOU go to a motel for the nights he is home. If he knows he will only be home for a short time he will try to maximize the damage he can do to you in that time. Take any pets with you. They should not be left anywhere near him, in my opinion.

    Gentle hugs. You really are a great stepmom to be doing this much research and work to help him.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I'm so sorry about his mom. What a twit.

    I was told by the social workers who removed R. from our house that these are the three Big Signs of an emerging psychopath, but they didn't explain why, except for the animals. Cruelty to animals often moves onto people. Of course, most people are kind to animals anyway. Not sure about the peeing and pooping, but our boy did it everywhere. We thought it was out dog (before he killed the dog) and we couldn't figure out why the dog was suddenly having accidents everywhere. We were very baffled. We didn't know about the fire setting until R. left. Then it was like my kids felt free to talk an everything came out in a torrent. He used to light little fires on the carpet. The kids showed us the burn marks in the bedrooms after he left. They were small and I hadn't noticed. He used this for intimidation. He'd say, "If you tell anyone that I did this to you (sexually abused) I'll burn this house down and everyone will die including me. I am the Devil." Bonechilling, isn't it?
    Your child probably isn't as sick as mine, but please find somewhere else for him to live. He may be doing stuff you don't even know about. We suspect R. was killing animals in the neighborhood and perping on neighborhood/school kids, but we can't prove it. (((Hugs)))
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi Donna--

    Not an expert here either....but it has been explained to me that playing with one's own feces is often a sign that the brain has "lost" its inhibitions about what constitutes proper, normal, or disgusting behavior.

    Not sure if it applies to your difficult child....

  6. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    I didnt and don't take things said on the boards as any kind of attack as we are all in difficult situations and trying to do the best we can. If I can learn anything that can help difficult child that is our goal. So many things I guess could be a possiblity and with the advise and suggestions from everyone it just feels overwhelming to hear some things but most important how if this is overwhelming to hear how must difficult child feel if he has experienced any of the sexual abuse and never told. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me as I know this was and is still a difficult experience for all of you who have been there.

    We are not sure of anything that difficult child has done as we are just learning of alot of the disgusting behaviors now. My husband told me of that one of his ex-wifes friend and her husband. husband stated that they were having a little get together and the friend had a niece over from out of town for the summer. husband says the friends husband was playing tag or some kind of game that would require him to catch her... Well my husband never felt comfortable with that situation as the husband seemed to always grab her around the breast area or buttox area.

    The girl that this happened to ran away from their home.. Now I brought this up to husband and he's so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions that if this is a possability it has totally devestated him. He said it's something to mention on saturday with the counselor. We just want a professional to handle on these possabilitys because asking difficult child could give him some more ideas to say as he only has one goal and that is to get home to his mother. He has told sherriffs that husband beat him ( which later he confessed to multiple stories) which had CPS or the sherriff beleived that lie husband could have been arrested, so I dont want to put any ideas in his head that he can cause serious havoc.

    Omg I cannot believe all of this. How could we have missed this if that is the cause.

    wow I am just so floored as to think what difficult child had to endure without any help from anyone of us. I jsut pray that we are getting him the help that he needs now.

    I do feel that if he has to come home until he can be placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or Group home he would seriously try to do something as he feels that this is a punishment to him, and difficult children not seeing that we are trying to get help for him. I will have to have him and difficult child leave or vise virsa.

    Oh and also the wonderful mom stated to us that she was aware of the antisocial personality disorder budding. What was she really thinking when she didnt want to inform us of this info. I don't know what goes on throught that womans head..URRR The objective to having difficult child live with us was that his father and I could help him with his problems. Which has not been easy as she never gave us any info until now. This could have been handled with the first hospitalization and now we just basically wasted 5 months of therapy because the therapist and us were unaware of the prostitution, violence towards the mother, breaking and entry..

    I guess there is no time to deal with the whys and just pick ourselves up and keep pushing forward.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Gwenny, I think I missed something.

    Your difficult child was prostituting himself???!!! OMG!! That must be so worrisome to you and husband. Very alarming behavior! Be SURE they do tests for HIV and other STDs. many STDs have mutated and now do not have visible symptoms. And they can do permanent damage or even kill him. Of course we are all aware of HIV, but hepatitis is also passed along this way and can kill. Syphillis can live in the system for YEARS with no symptoms but will eat holes in the brain, causing madness and eventually death. So STD testing must be done ASAP, as I am SURE biomom never bothered to do these.

    If one of you has to leave because difficult child has to come home for a few days - make it YOU. husband can deal with him at home. YOU can stay in a motel, veg out, make sure it has a working indoor hot tub for your sore body! It could be a mini-vacation for you, and with all the stress and meetings, you deserve it!

    Gentle hugs,
  8. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    He has been tested for all STD's and Hiv and Aids as well. When he was first put in the psychiatric hospital we told them about the 1 time that difficult child said he performed oral sex on a man for a 100 dollars. We at the time didn't know what to believe but we still had him tested as the posability was there. He was cleared of any of the std's and hiv.

    As for the prostituting himself we are not sure if this is true as he is a pathological liar and never know if this is just another story. But we always side on the error of caution just to be safe. His mom told us last night he would disappear for hours and he has no friends so what could he have been doing? It's a really big posability that he was prostituting himself and husband was call the psychiatrist at the hospital to share this information with them.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad you had him tested. it is imprtant to repeat the HIV testing after a certain amt of time has passed, or that is what a friend was told.

    I mentioned the testing because you would be AMAZED how many parents forget to mention that in the tumult of a hospitalization and all the other problems, even if they mention the prostitution to the docs.

    Actually i know docs who miss it also, even when they KNOW a child has been sexually acting out. I imagine he was not too happy to be tested, but that is irrelevant in the long term, in my opinion.

    You are doing a great job of coping with this and helping husband advocate for his son. I hope the meeting went well.