Update on Tigger

[JJJ]

Tigger is being transferred to the ED program. I'm so sad about this. I agree he needs more than our homeschool can give him but it breaks my heart to agree to have him moved to a different school. The new school is only about 1 mile farther from my house, still in our town, so this is not a big geographic move but a huge change for my change-resistant boy. He sobbed when I told him, tried to demand that I stand up for him and demand they let him stay at his current school. When I said I couldn't do that and that I thought he'd like the new school, he got very depressed and asked me to kill him because he can't stand his life. He cried himself to sleep. I'm canceling my work meeting tonight because I think he needs me too much tonight.

He will be the only child in his class, his peer interactions will be so minimal it breaks my heart.

 

[totoro]

I am sorry. Poor guy. Is there hope for him to do OK in this program and then reenter his old school in the future?

That just hoovers about him being the only kid. Are there any after school programs her can go to? Any in school classes that they can let him participate in just so he can be around other kids?
He may regress not being around kids. That is not good.

 

[JJJ]

Totoro,

The problem with Tigger generally is the other kids so they are taking that away and helping him develop the skills he needs to positively interact with them. The first week he is suppose to start with a lunch buddy coming in each day to allow him to meet some kids 1:1 and also a recess buddy for some 1:1 playtime. Ideally, within a month he will be in the Learning Disability (LD) room for math (with 1-3 other kids) and hopefully in fine arts and gym with the MMR class (we're calling him their 'helper' since cognitively he is leaps and bounds ahead of them). The long term goal is for him to learn the coping skills he needs and go back to his homeschool. His principal and current sped teacher are going to visit him at the new school. He will stay in the orchestra which meets two mornings per week at his old school so he will get to say "hi" every week; he also remains eligible for afterschool activities at both buildings.

I think this will be good for him. It is just hard today because he is so devastated. I'm also nervous because I LOVE the staff at our homeschool and now I have to build all new relationships because this is a newer building and I've never had a kid go there before.

 

[TerryJ2]

Aw, that's so sad. I know that is so hard for him. And that he will start out by himself ...

Well, as you explained it, it sounds like a great transition program. It sounds like a no-brainer. You just have to get through the initial change. No easy task!

I hope it goes well. Poor kid. It makes me want to hug him.

 

[Fran]

JJJ, it's so hard to explain decisions we make that are to help them but stress our difficult child. My heart always broke for difficult child's tears.
I hope after he is there for one day he will find that it isn't so bad. My difficult child usually fought change and then seemed to settle in.
Hugs.

 

[klmno]

I'm sorry- this sounds so difficult. It seems like they could find a way for him to spend part of the day at one school and part of the day at the other.

 

[JJJ]

Klmno,

That was what I originally asked for but after his behavior the last week or so, they think it would be better to start 100% in the ED program and then work his way back. Apparently some of his friends have started to avoid him because of his behaviors and we don't want that to become the new normal so we are moving him so that he will hopefully maintain his relationship with those boys in the community.

The highlight of the day was getting a birthday invite in the mail today from one of them. What perfect timing.

 

[klmno]

I hope he can maintain some relationship. I'm just afraid it will backfire- I know with mine, keeping him away from better adjusted kids always seems to make him feel worse about himself and make it harder for him to feel like he can fit in- then of course, that leads to him acting more different and being treated like he doesn't fit in.

I understand the predicament(sp) though- what can you do when the child does need extra work to develop social skills? I just wish there was a better answer than removing them from the very social system that we want them to do better in. It's kind of like suspending a kid from school because they were truant.

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm sorry. I hope he is able to work his way back quickly. Hugs.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. It is hard when they are so distressed by things that need to happen. I hope this new plan works very well for him.

Gentle hugs to all of you. This is hard on the whole family. Glad he got the invite.

 

[Steely]

Oh, I hate that he is so sad. Poor thing. Please let him know that his cyber aunties are wrapping their arms around him and holding him tight.

I think you did the right thing by staying home tonight.

What caused this change? Was it initiated by you, or the SD, his behaviors?

Hugs and strength being sent your way.

 

[JJJ]

We've been in the middle of an evaluation for a couple of months now. I signed something allowing them to have more than the 60 days because Tig wasn't cooperating with the testing and I'm having some outside testing done as well and want those results to be included. The option of the ED program has been on the table since October but I was really hoping we wouldn't need it. Tigger hasn't done any academic work since Nov (when we added one mainstreamed class) and has deteriorated socially since we came back from winter break.

He got to speak to the principal on the phone tonight and he asked her to please not let them take him. She said they would talk about the new class tomorrow. He has his hopes up that she won't let it happen. He is going to feel so rejected when she doesn't "save" him. I did point out that she will still visit him at his new school and that he can say hi to her each week at orchestra when he is at his old school in the morning.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. Why can't I protect my own kid????????

 

[Steely]

Poor pumpkin. God, I hate this for our kids. Let him know, that this too shall pass. He will be better for this strength finding opportunity.

Many hugs,
Steely

 

[timer lady]

JJJ, sweetie, you are protecting your Tigger. You are an exceptional warrior mum. AND I hear your frustration over having to make a decision of this nature.

I recently made a decision for kt going back to day treatment. Like Tigger, kt is really heartbroken that she is leaving her current school. I see no other options at this point as she is struggling, as is Tigger.

Gentle hugs for your little Tig. Like Fran, my heart breaks when a decision is made on behalf of our children & our children struggle to accept the change ~ even if it's for the better.

 

[house of cards]

It is heart wrenching. I hope the new program is a big success for Tigger and he learns many skills that will help him for the rest of his life.