Update on Tink & her dad

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Big Bad Kitty, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Tink is doing so well with this, I can hardly believe it. She is so logical about the whole thing. She has her moments, but I'd say 85-90% of the time, she is very matter-of-fact about her dad being locked up.

    Yesterday she said "mom, you know that when people go to jail, they are usually there either 3 or 20 years". I had to stifle a laugh!

    As time is going by, I am learning more and more about exactly how full of it Matt really is and has been all along. His oldest boy's mom filled me in on some stuff from his past that I did not know before, such as he had been in trouble TWICE in the past for stealing. I knew he got in trouble for stealing copper to sell, but I did not know that he also did time for ripping off a department store.

    I have also learned from spending time with Michelle (more on that in a minute) that everything he had been feeding me about how they were not getting along was a crock. She is a volatile person, for sure, and there were occasions where he was ready to leave her, but their relationship was going along just fine. He had me believing that they were basically roommates anymore, with him sleeping on the couch and no intimacy anymore. From what I observed the other day, that is not the case.

    A couple nights ago, Tink and I went to visit Michelle and Tink's little brother. She had kissy/huggy pics of the two of them all over the place. And for the time being, she is seriously considering waiting for him until he gets out. Did I mention she has self esteem issues? Which I don't get. She is a pretty girl, an intelligent girl (not necessarily smart but intelligent), and she just lost a bunch of weight. Which brings me to, I don't get why Matt was looking for some on the side with me. I'm not putting myself down here, but if he had a gal like that at home, why would he be coming to me? Oh, because he is a JERK.

    So yeah, Tink and I spent the evening over there the other night, and we had a very nice time. Michelle had gotten her a goody bag of stuff for her birthday (Hanna Montana stickers, pens, a shirt, choker necklace, basically a treasure trove that any little girl would love) and she gave Tink the Christmas present that Matt had bought for her: an acoustic guitar (with Tinkerbell on it of course). Well, my friends, she has not put that thing down since. She LOVES it, and I have never seen her so happy.

    I asked her if she'd like to send her dad a thank you note, and she said, no, it would be too sad. But she said it SO grown up, and then got on with whatever she was doing. She still does not want to see him in jail. She's afraid that would make her sad too. I am amazed at how aware she is of her own emotions.

    Anyways, she had a great time seeing her brother, whom she absolutely adores. I enjoyed watching her with him, something I never get to see. And Michelle and I really made amends. We are going to try to get the kids together every few weeks or so. She and I actually got along rather well. Which brings me to now I feel a little guilty over my fling with Matt. Ahh, whatever.

    Michelle sent me this picture of Tink and her dad, from halloween. When I look at it, I want to march over to see him and punch him right in his forehead for being such a jerk and leaving behind all his precious kids:

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think you're handling this very well on the outside- it must hurt on the inside though. Between your efforts to work things out with Michelle, be strong for Tink and know how this is hurt her (whether she's holding it in or not- and it sounds like she is), and dealing with the lies and closeness you thought you were getting with the fling, I'm thinking you might need to find a little time to think about yourself. This has to be hard on you but you are an amazingly strong woman, I know. I just don't want you to forget about yourself and your hurt in all this.

    As far as why Matt does what he did with you and Michelle and relationships in general- I won't go into why I say this but it sure appears to me that men who get into B&E seem to also be con men when it comes to their relationships. Maybe it has something to do with feeling a sense of entitlement or it's just a challenge to see if they can get something that they really don't deserve but I've noticed this in other men and actually seen one or two who spent more time and energy on conning someone than it would have taken to get what he wanted the honest way.

    ((HUGS)) And remember- you don't always have to be stronger than everyone else!!
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aaarrrgh, BBK. You are learning a lot from this.

    I am so sorry about Michelle's self esteem issues. But don't be a rescuer, okay?

    Yeah, he is messed up. Way messed up.

    Bless Tink, LOL! 3 yrs or 20. ROFL! I love kids!
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    Love you BBK. You are so beautiful and smart and a great mom. Tink has a great role model and she will learn from you the skills she needs to take care of herself. ML
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Your Tink is precious.
    I like the idea of going over and punching him in the forehead. What some people do to their kids because of their difficult child lifestyles is criminal.
    It's great she loved her gift but she would be better served with a stable dad who taught her right from wrong.

    It's good that you are the stable parent and are doing a good job of teaching her.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    She has so much love. Kids find strength from so many things in life. She is so young and has had a life time of learning already. Maybe Matt will learn? Maybe he will become a better person one day? We can all hope...
    But his actions do not make Tink. They do not define Tink nor you. Luckily!
    She has a Daddy that svcks right now, but this is no reflection on what a wonderful person she is going to become.
    It is already evident that she is wonderful, and this my friend is a direct reflection on you!
    You do need to think about yourself. I know easier said than done. Protect Kitty... It is great that you are being the bigger person and keeping the relationship with the rest of Tink's family, a lesser woman would give up or walk away.
    It must be a hard thing to face and deal with at times. You are doing a great job, really!