update to "me issues"

[Steely]

OK - so you guys must be praying for me??? Really!!!
Starting last night I started to swing out of the morbid depression I had been in. Perhaps it was writing the poem to my Dad that kick started it?
I don't know.
But I was able to go in the sun and mediate today, laugh with the mechanics at the car place, and see a future again. It was like the sun hit my heart.
I have no idea what happened, but I hope it continues.
I really think the writing thing was the energizer - I feel so much better when I write - yet it is the one thing I dislike the most when I am depressed.
Thanks for all the continued support - you guys are the best.
Wish me luck as I enter the Dallas zone of family and a funeral. I will try and focus on the sun the entire time

 

[DDD]

So glad you are feeling better. DDD

 

[tiredmommy]

I'm relieved you're doing better.

 

[Marguerite]

I posted on the other thread. It applies here. I endorse writing in so many ways. It heals, it helps you focus your thoughts and ideas. And if/when you get good at it, it can pay the rent!

Marg

 

[HaoZi]

Writing poetry was a major outlet for me when I was younger. Can't really get the focus I need for it these days, so I write longer fiction in fits and starts now instead.

 

[susiestar]

It was like the sun hit my heart.

So happy you are feeling better. Many hugs. I am so sorry about your dad. Been a super rough 2 weeks so I couldn't post as much as I wanted, but I did read and pray for you and your family.

 

[Shari]

Still praying.

 

[Hound dog]

I'm glad today was a good day and you were able to enjoy some simple pleasures. I hope it leads to more as you find your way beyond the grief.

((hugs))

 

[DammitJanet]

Well glad you are feeling better but hope you do still get yourself a thorough check in with both a psychiatrist for a medication check and a therapist for some counseling because all these thoughts about suicide and grief and stuff like that arent things that go away all on their own. You need to have a safety net in real life.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I'm glad your spirit feels lighter. It will carry you through....

Sharon

 

[tiredmommy]

Steely- I agree with Janet. You need to make sure that you therapist understands the depths of the despair you've felt recently. While I'm happy your feeling better, it is important to seek emergency care when there are thoughts of self harm... we wouldn't want to lose you!

 

[busywend]

Loved the little smiley next to your post! Good to see!

Glad you are feeling better. I hope it continues!

 

[AnnieO]

Sweetheart - it made me smile to read your post.

Yes, there IS a future, and there is reason to enjoy the little stuff. I do agree with Janet. There WILL be ups and downs. But every little up is a step...

 

[Star*]

Glad to see you are feeling on an upswing.

 

[Steely]

Yes. for sure - I know that yesterday was only a step - and that there will be other steps backwards. I guess yesterday I just knew it was somehow going to be OK - where I had been feeling before like was not going to be.

I am on my way to psychiatrist now for a medication conversation. When I get to Dallas I have 8 sessions with my old therapist. She knows me extremely well, and I can be as open and honest with her as I have been with you guys. She knows I struggle with suicide a lot - and I hope we can get that issue tamed a bit more. I will not leave Dallas if I still feel suicidal. But the better question is what to do once I am back in AZ without the possibility of a therapist. Hopefully she can help me with this dilemma.