Update...warning LONG!!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jungleland, Jul 7, 2008.

  1. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Good Morning Family,

    I hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th. All fireworks were banned from our area of California, and I am sooo glad. For the most part, people listened and we didn't hear too many go off, thank God! The Firefighters, my son included as of TODAY!! have had such a hard time getting a handle on all these smoky, yucky fires. Our air quality is horrible.

    On Saturday evening we got news from our son and his fiance that they are expecting a baby in January. Still kinda shocked, they are both so young, although she already has a son who is now 4 from a previous relationship and he has been calling my son Daddy for a long while now. I wish the timing was different, but I am happy, thrilled, excited to be a Grammy. husband is happy but concerned. At the end of fire season, unless the FD decides to hire him on permanetly, he is without a job. Fiance has a great job as a phlebotomist in a large hospital. They still want to wait till June 09 to get married and I voiced my wish they would marry before the baby comes. But, they are both adults (he 20, she 22) and they will do what they feel is right. So much for the old fashioned Grammy here, lol!!

    I am doing ok with my "stuff". Therapy is getting harder, going deeper into the meat of my issues. But it's good. Something I should have done years ago. I really like the therapist's approach to her work, she isn't all lovey dovey, she is kind and understanding but also makes me look deep into myself at some really hard stuff. I get to start Equine Therapy with her soon. She usually only works with kids with her mini horses and donkeys but she knows of my love of animals and feels it might be a positive approach for my recovery.

    On a less happy note, we have decided that Aly and husband will move closer to his work, about a 45 minute drive from here. He and I can't seem to continue on the same track regarding Aly and her going to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I cannot live with them the way it is, and just visiting her and him, really, I immediately go to that PTSD place. He and I talked for about an hour and a half last night, both of us in tears half the time, but got ALOT of stuff out that was buried for many, many years. I told him my therapist, my sponser and my sister (20 years clean and sober) suggested that since they both cause me major stress and anxiety that we limit our visits. The move will be good for so many reasons, husband has never really liked it here, he will live in the same city as easy child 2 and his fiance, and it is much more racially diverse.

    I am sad that it has to be this way, but very relieved that they can't just show up here every day for a visit. I told husband that I am thinking divorce, as it will probably be years before I can live with them again. He really wants not to do that, neither of us have any interest in other relationships. If that should change then he would be willing to talk about that again. I am being a negative nelly here and not ever seeing the situation improve enough to enable us to live together. I am getting the feeling that he does not want Aly in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) again so I have to let that go for my sanity. It breaks my heart that he can't see how much Aly would gain from this opportunity. He said he is still going to meet with her tdocs and psychiatrist, but I have major doubts he will go ahead with placement. And if that is going to work for them, then I would be thrilled. During our family visit yesterday, Aly was as rude, disrespectful, and has a HUGE sense of entitlement that I just cannot be with her for long periods of time, especially during this early time in my recovery. I did have some loving moments with her, while doing her hair and I will cherish those moments in the weeks and months to come.

    Well, sorry to vent away for so long, I just really need to get it all out now and then.

    Thank you to all who made it here to the end!

  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi Grandma to be! A new baby is quite a blessing. I hope all goes well for them - on ALL fronts!

    As for husband and Aly, I am sorry that it is working out this way. I totally understand the PTSD and not being able to handle them just dropping in. I spent quite a while in that place, and go there sometimes if we have too many visits.

    I am glad you have a good therapist, a good sponsor, and a good sister.

    Sending hugs,

  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Sometimes, Vicki, we have to stop the madness and listen to the quiet voice inside of us. It seems you are doing that now. Divorce is never easy. Living with someone who doesn't share your long term goals is not easy. You really have to pick the lesser of the two evil and pray your decision is the right one for you. If it is, then all the other pieces will fall into place. I know that you have tried. I know that husband has tried. Sometimes, sadly, it just doesn't work out the way we planned it to.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Congrats are an order! Babies can be very therapeutic.

    Wow, I think CA is the only state I have ever heard of that has a fire "season". Hope your son gets on board full time.

    I am so sorry to hear that things are not going well with husband and Ally. I hope and pray that husband follows through on whatever will help Ally the most. Hugs and prayers to you while you go through your recovery.
  5. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    congrats on the new gran-baby in the cooker
    prayers and hugs, on everything else <<<HUGS>>>
    be gentle on yourself, and hopefully husband will come to his senses.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Congratulations, Grammy! Sending hugs and peaceful quiet regarding everything else. Hope husband will get completely on board with Aly's treatment.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Blah blah blah, fire, baby, blah blha wedding..........blah blah, job,,,,,,

    DONKEY?????? DONKEY??????????

    ARE YOU SERIOUS????????????????



    I'm happy for you on all counts.

    Love Much - Star (pft - a donkey and you think YOU have problems?) pft. ........pft. lucky girl........