Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by realangel, Jan 21, 2008.

  1. realangel

    realangel New Member

    Well difficult child has been to court for the theft from an offlicence and the assault 'with a sharp implement' ... he recieved £150 fine to be paid at £20 a week, 100 hours community service and 2 years of anger management. So he got off lightly yet again!

    The authorities have now given him his own flat which is what he has wated all the time, but at least he has table accommodation (for now, till he messes up again).

    I know everything is now out of my control and out of my hands and he has to stand on his own 2 feet and be a 'man' but i cant help worrying and fretting about him not eating properly, who he is associating with, of he is attending school etc.
  2. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Where he is living now? I was just curious. Thanks
  3. realangel

    realangel New Member


    he now lives in his own flat a 10 minute drive away from me
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    As you said, it is now out of your control. He may not eat healthily, but he'll eat and the junk food won't kill him. The odds of him making a good choice of friends is highly unlikely -- he's going to drift to like. He may get tired of the partying, unhealthy eating, etc. but it will be at his speed. There truly is nothing you can do and worrying about his choices is an act of futility. I know, I've been there.

    You're his mother. You'll always worry and fret. It goes with the territory. The trick is to control the worrying to very generic things -- hoping he is okay and doing well, not he's eating unhealthy food and hanging out with X and Y, who are really bad news. When he calls, be happy for any semi-good news he gives you. Practice phrases such as, "I'm sorry to hear that," "that's too bad," etc. for the things you don't want to hear. I found that practicing my phrases for 10 minutes a day made it much easier to respond the few times she would call when she was out on her own.

    For now, take this time to re-energize, get your life back. Start doing for you. Renovate his room into a special room for you. Fix the foods you like, play the music you want to hear. All the things you couldn't do with an older teen in the house.

    Believe it or not, it does get somewhat easier as time distances things.