So it is nearly a month since my son moved out and I still can't seem to feel better. The house is a much nicer place to be but every time I think I am doing ok I'm suddenly crying, I am starting to think things will never be good for me again and I really hate feeling so sorry for myself. We live in a house with an unseen divide and I do not know how to break this down. There is me and my eldest daughter (18) who really do adore my son and seem to allow him to get away with basically treating us like rubbish, and then there is my husband and youngest daughter (16) who are unwilling to tolerate him. Although I understand their attitude the person it is mostly hurting is me. I see him every week when he collects ss cheque and I take him to do groceries, usually give him money to pay rent etc. I dread it, not because I don't want to see him but because I feel I have to be secretive and am unable to speak about it to husband and youngest. I would love to think that he doesn't manipulate me but I know he does and that just further breaks my heart. Although I know he has Done some awful things I also cannot accept that he might not be a good person. I know some will say I shouldn't give him money but if I don't he may end up homeless and I really do not want him home, and that makes me feel like the worse parent ever. He tells me he is unwell but refuses to accept that drugs and alcohol are making everything worse, he seems to adore this awful lifestyle. I do feel ashamed he has chosen to live like this and I cannot help feel responsible as I am his mum. I'm scared all of the time about how this will end even though I do accept that I have no control over it. Every day I become more and more aware of how damaging this has been to my family and I start to question if we can survive this. Even when I'm not crying I feel like I am pretending to get on with my life. Does this ever stop?