Lost in sadness

Active Member
Thank you all!!

I can honestly say yesterday was the worst day of my life...to memory, and there have been bad ones. I have cried so much I cannot even open my eyes properly today.
I had to help him. I picked him up and took him to get something to eat. Then we did a shop. Then we went and picked clothes up from various addresses. Then I took him to the hostel. I used to work in a homeless hostel and few years back, it was a brand new one so sparkly and clean. This was something I have NEVER seen before. I would not cage an animal in it!! I fought to hold back the tears as I looked and the bare mattress on a metal bed, the drawings over the broken furniture of skeleton men with LSD written all over them. I cleaned the fridge and floor of dirty left over food, the skirting of three inches of dirt, the walls of...god only knows and the old sick off the mattress! It was a disgrace!
It smelt and I hated every moment. We went and bought new bedding and emptied his clothes into the drawers and I couldn't help but notice his arms cut to pieces. I am breaking!
I know its his fault and he is still angry and hurt but this is just awful. The people hanging around just stared at us whilst smoking their joints. Total drop outs. I try not to judge coz deap down my son is the same and he still says all the right things about being better than this.
He stayed at a friends last night, not bearing to be in this place despite the fact I told him about the rules.
This morning I check his email and there is one from the council. It turns out he was actually kicked out of the hotel for not obeying the rules!! The email states that the council no longer have a duty to help him as he was warned about his behavior previously. That they would see if this hostel has a room and that would be it. He is so lucky!!! If not he would be on the streets! If he does not obey here then its the end of the road. I am so angry. Angry that he omitted this information to me. Angry that this is the last run of the ladder and scared for his future if he messes this up.
I have texted him and told him I have read it. Nothing! x


Well-Known Member
Lost in sadness, I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I had something to say that would take away the horror and the hurt, but I do not. While I have lived through and am living through our own version of this heartbreak, I have no words of wisdom or of advice. No experience that has given me insight or a way to see the silver lining.

The only thing I can say is to try to take care of yourself, your family and your husband. And try to find a way to build up your own life and the nourishment that it gives you.

Your son will learn in time I hope but there is no telling when and there is no role that we play in teaching them. It just does not work. I have tried every which way. I am sorry.
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Active Member
This is not a road any of us pictures when we bring home our sweet babes. We would never imagine the heartbreak we have had to endure and experiences we are living.

However, saying that .... I realize they are no longer those innocent babes who needed us to do everything for them. They need to find their own way, and for us to watch it is the heartbreak as we cannot fix it or clean it or make it go away.... there is no easy answer, or way to do this.

Each of us has a different situation and for me to tell you what to do would not make sense. I can tell you to realize you are not alone. We are all here, on this perilous journey too. When I was a younger mum, I thought I'd be able to see my boys take a clear and wide open road complete with a map and desired destination... college, families... etc... I think of it now as a trek through a dense jungle, with scary things all around, with no map or idea of where the heck to go next... each day can bring a new twist or hurdle. I have learnt to let go of my own vision for my sons future and try to live my own life with integrity.

I still do way more for him than I should .... I can't see him in pain and like you I would try to make sure he had food and a clean bed. I can't help that ... I know some think it's a form of enabling... but I can't not. I still go down and clean his room when it gets unbearable for me. I have no judgement on what we each do in those ways... we all have to find a way to navigate that is true to ourselves.

Hang in there and be kind to you today.