Utter BS - Trying not to get Drawn In....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    As you know, my difficult child is a big LIAR.

    Why am I reminding you? Because I have to keep reminding *myself*! She's a liar...she's lying....the things she says are not true...

    difficult child has been mouthing off to school personnel. She's already received detention for it this year because she refused to apologize to a staff member. Recently, she's been rude to a teacher and even went so far as to turn in an insulting essay instead of doing the assignment. Not surprisingly, the insulting essay was given to the principal for disciplinary action....

    Well, according to difficult child - the principal called her into his office and praised her for her insightful essay. He agrees 100% that the teacher was completely out of line.

    In light of this, he has decided to offer difficult child the opportunity to drop the class (thus eliminating the need to take the final exam), and still give her the credit she has earned thus far. Since this is such a great opportunity, difficult child naturally decided to accept the offer. Why take a class when you can just get the credit - right?

    OK - to my credit....I know this is total BS.

    But I'm having trouble resisting the urge to get down to the school to meet with the principal myself to find out just what the heck really happened.

    But if I meet with him - then what?

    There will be no solutions - just something for me to feel angry, upset and disappointed about. The most likely scenario is that difficult child's behavior got her kicked out of the class and she will NOT be receiving credit / and or will receive a failing grade.

    Can I do anything about that? No.
    Can I change difficult child? No.

    Is there anything in the world that i have the power to control here? Yes. Me. I can control me and my feelings. I am going to try NOT to get involved. difficult child got kicked out of a class? That is difficult child's problem. Not mine. It is disappointing - but it is what it is.


    In other news, difficult child is the best employee at her part-time job. We know this because she keeps getting her hours cut and getting sent home early for being the "hardest worker". Yep - good things just keep happening for difficult child.

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Daisy, I just HAD to copy this and send it to husband. It's just SO familiar!!!

    :hugs: yeah, I know the feeling of wanting to know what really happened, but needing to detach. I wish I could send some of my newfound detachment to you... It's weird, I can see what's happening, and be "annoyed" by it, but it's only mental, not physical. Did that make any sense?

    Maybe it's the Celexa.
  3. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I have not been there done that, so take my "suggestion" with a grain of salt:
    Could you just leave the door open, just in case difficult child would like to ask for help one day? Maybe, something like: "Sweetheart, I will not argue with your point of view. But mine differs and I believe things did not quite happened this way. If you ever think you misunderstood the situation, know that you can come to me". She is just so young yet... *maybe* one day she will remeber the help you offered...
  4. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Wow. To live in difficult child land. I am starting to detach from difficult child already. I do not believe anything she says either. I figure that 90% of what comes out of her mouth is a lie. I just don't bother to call her on them anymore. It is a waste of my time. husband just texted me today saying he expects her to drop out of H.S. Neither one of us would be surprised.
  5. Winnielg

    Winnielg New Member

    Sounds familiar. My difficult child lies about everything now. Anything that happens - not his fault. It is sad that I feel like he is so transparent. Of course I do not point out the transparency as I do not want him to get better at it. SIGH

    Hang in there!
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Ya' know what? I would call principal and nail this down. Because I think every once in a while our kids need a reminder that their bologna is just that. I think if they don't get called on it, and called *hard* on it, they tend to believe this garbage actually flies. Probably won't change her behaviors, but... stuff like this I was never able to let go.

    Not only that - I found the completely Twilight Zone lies completely insulting. Exactly how stupid does my kid think I am????
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Wanted to add - doing this *without* getting upset is key. You know she's failing/not getting credit for the class, and you know she's probably well on her way to getting fired. It's not going to be news to you.

    None of this is your problem. It really isn't. But I really feel very strongly that it's important, especially as our kids reach the age where we no longer have to put up with their junk, that they get a consistent message that their lies are noted and unacceptable, especially in the "real world," where she will be living very soon.
  8. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I agree with SLSH. Your difficult child so reminds me of myself at that age. I couldn't tell the truth, lived in a fantasy world, didn't keep up with my schoolwork despite previously being a straight A student. Fortunately time helped and I came into my own around age 20. I'm now extremely honest, non-delusional, etc. My mother spent so much time trying to disprove me that she began to resent the heck out of me and now we haven't spoken in 17 years even though I'm a good person now. I hope the same for your difficult child (sans the estrangement).
  9. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I'm with slsh and cubsgirl. Calling kids from their BS, even when it is not changing anything quickly, is better than letting them think it flies. It's different when they are really adult, live on their own and you are not helping them financially any more. Then it really is their own business and to keep peace and some sort of relationship it may be better not to get involved. But till that you have every right to call the BS and in the long term it can even help them.
  10. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I agree, call them on the bs, big time!!!!
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    While I understand why you don't want to get involved, might I suggest a different approach? Call the principal, or better yet meet with him, to it what really happened. Get a copy of the essay that she handed in, if possible. Then, at some point, I would say to difficult child, " You know something? I met with Mr. Principal, and strangely enough, his version of what happened is so different than your version. Imagine that happening when he praised you for your efforts and your essay." She will say that the principal is lying, or she will realize that she has backed herself into a really bad corner. Will it change anything? No, but there are times when I do this to difficult child, if for no other reason than to make him aware that I know that he's a liar and he's been caught.
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Well, my involvement in this mess is no longer an option. difficult child presented me with a piece of paper typed up with a paragraph about the parents are making a request to withdraw the student from the class (no school letterhead or anything) and difficult child says I must sign it to protect the school in case there is a lawsuit.

    Excuse me????

    I am not signing anything saying that *I* requested her removal from this class. Frankly, if it were up to me, she would issue the teacher a formal aplogy and finish out the year.

    So, guess who's marching into the principal's office first thing tomorrow morning?

    Yep - me. Wish me luck!
  13. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Good Luck, I am laughing though!!!! They will just tell us anything.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Good luck!
  15. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    :rofl: Oh. My. Gosh. She is a creative one, isn't she. I'm literally chuckling out loud, envisioning a school's concern of a lawsuit over withdrawal from a class.... Who the heck would be suing???

    You sure do have your hands full. I'd play it dumb - "Well, gee, difficult child said she was getting a grade in the class but she didn't have to take it anymore because her paper was so good, but then she said I had to sign this note.... I'm confused." Heart, flowers, rainbows, and unicorns. Better yet if difficult child goes in with you, LOL.

    Hang tough!
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    At least take the NOTE with you...
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Geez, and I thought Onyxx was creative...
  18. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Ok, even I was not that creative....your difficult child is really pushing it....
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would probably insist that Wiz and his note were with me when I went to talk to the principal. I would tell the principal that I was confused. If he loves difficult child's paper and is making sure she gets credit for it but she doesn't have to take it, why does the principal want me to sign this document agreeing not to sue them??

    I would be sincere, earnest even, and would appear honestly confused. I would NOT talk to difficult child about this or even let her know I was taking the note to the principal to chat until we were there. If I didn't normally drop her off at school, I would let her take the bus, and would ask the office to call her out of class for the meeting with the principal. THEN I would be confused and sincere and earnest.

    But then again, the difficult child in me would enjoy seeing my difficult child squirm as her lies all come home to roost. then principal and I would BOTH probably chew her out (the old meanies that we are, lol).

    That note was just pushing her luck WAY too far.

    This question is not tongue in cheek, or sarcastic.

    Are you sure your daughter is not delusional to some degree? The various lies she has told to you, the school, and everyone else in her life make me wonder how strong her grip on reality really is. There is zero chance that even Wiz or gfgbro would have tried a note like that with a story like that. Given her piano expertise fiasco, and some of the other things that have occurred, I just am not sure if she has any sort of grasp of reality, much less a firm one. Not that you could do a whole lot about it now, but maybe if you document it now it could help later if/when she is ready for help? At the least it might be an important part of her medical history in the future.
  20. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Wow, just wow. I can't decide if she's delusional, thinks she has you fooled, or just has a really big set of brass balls. Good luck!