So. It would seem that tensions under my roof have hit an all time low. We've been struggling for 4-5 years now, it has been a long road. My son is 17, I am a single mom with little to no familial support and over the last several years the trajectory has looked like this; Running away Volatile and aggressive temperament often directed at me and our home Drug use Truancy and failing school Arrests and very lenient court outcomes Drug trafficking Stole and totalled my car while under the influence Attracting and inviting dangerous people into our home In patient hospitalization for suicidal ideation Called child welfare when he was hurting me; no real concrete support Diagnosed with conduct disorder, anxiety, depression and insomnia He lives in a place of complete denial and deflection Recently there was a meeting at the school he barely attends where he was cornered and couldn't triangulate. Now he is completely ignoring me. He has long ignored rules, personal accountability etc; but now he flat out will not speak to me. Whereas before I felt so much shame and guilt (for my sometimes reactive aggravation), I am now clear that this is not ALL my fault and I DO NOT deserve this. No one else is there for him or even reaches out, I am literally all he has and it appears that this embitters him. I am resigned to it and just waiting for the next drama, the next call from the police or god forbid, an ER. He has friends that have gone to jail and one that was murdered last spring. I know this is not going to end well. I am keeping him under my roof if only to know he is safe daily. I understand I am enabling him and tolerating abuse I do not deserve. But I am not ready or near close enough to the detached place where I can turn him out. But I am so defeated. I am almost hoping he winds up in big trouble because this is the way he learns. He responds to external consequences only. I'm wrestling here because I have some sense of peace in 'giving up'...and some sense of guilt that I am not fighting with him or for him anymore. Just looking for support; feeling particularly sad.