We are doing poorly

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nomad, Feb 26, 2008.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    daughter was show "some" signs of hope...but now...not so much.

    daughter was basically kicked out of her new apartment. New Landlord says her friends are peculiar...run around the parking lot and smoke cigs...leave buts on grounds. difficult child got warning and didn't do anything about it. Lease was not renewed.

    husband is fed up. In addition, she got food stamps, but spends her money pronto. husband wont give her anymore. She calls me for money and I wont give it to her.

    Today, she missed her apt. with her t-doctor. She seems to be in a dissociative state.

    The last few days...I'm not doing so well. I have slurred speech, trouble talking and high blood pressure. I am being watched for Myasthenia Gravis. I've had some of these symptoms before, but the last few days they have worsened. The Dr. thinks it could be stressed related.

    My usual tools are not working all that well. Part of me wants to try to find her a room to rent with some "nice little old lady." Part of me just wants to leave it alone.

    I recall other board members who have had their difficult children live with friends. My guess...it doesn't work out for long.

    Any good advice?

    Thank you.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    It may be time to locate some sort of Residential program for her. I know you can't have her back home, and it looks like you are not doing well physically. I know you had looked into a few before the apt. Maybe she just can't live independently yet.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    It's discouraging. I'm sorry.

    What's the status on vocation rehab, Nomad? Wasn't she involved with that for awhile?

    Do you have Independent Living Programs available in Florida? We have them here - the fellow who mows my lawn is in one. He has an apartment and a caseworker who checks on him weekly. She makes sure he takes his medications and is stable and functioning. It has taken a huge load off his Mom's shoulders and works well for everyone.

  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    System does not allow for removal of posts that you start yourself.
    Thank you for all of those who have responded.
  5. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I'm really sorry to hear you sounding so down and hopeless. I really truly want to believe that there are services for our difficult child's but we just aren't finding that all important place. Have you called your local MHMR? What about your state representative? In my area we have a United Way phone number 211 to call for this kind of help. Does her therapist have ANY clue at all as far as options? It might just be time to make some noise publicly to be heard. It is outrageous in this day and age that there is not some sort of help for us as parents!
  6. uncheerleader

    uncheerleader Pollyanna

    Don't forget to take care of yourself too!!:bath:

  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Thank you very much! I just called the local hotline and that 211 number and received a helpful referral....
  8. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I'm glad that number was of some help. :D You have all my good vibes being sent your way! I hope it works out for all of you.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I don't have any advice. Just wanted to send you some (((hugs))) and remind you to take care of yourself.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Nomad}} I wish I had the answers (surely I could use some as well). Just wanted to send some supportive hugs. Take care of you first.
  11. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I think you have done all you can (or should) at this point, Nomad.

    Now you need to practice detaching from the situations difficult child's choices bring her.

    If difficult child believes she has found an apartment she can afford and this is what she wants to do, once you have given her the information about her options and given her your best advice, I think this might be the time to let her learn how to fend for herself in the world.

    If she is sorry that she lost the first apartment, she will be more careful in the second one.

    This was a hard lesson for her, but better that she learn it now than later or never.

    We cannot protect our children from their choices.

    We can only advise them, and try to function as healthy role models for them.

    I am glad you called the 211 number, and that you found so much good information for her. It sounds like you are trying to help and advise her, and that is a right and good thing to do. But once we have done all that we know, then we need to practice our detachment skills in earnest.

    It isn't easy, but I know you can do this.

    I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well! Know that I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Nomad.

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Nomad -

    HUGE hugs - has she applied for TEFRA or SSI? If she gets SSI due to her disabilities she may qualify for section 8 housing.

    This is the ??? that I speak about often because you KNOW if you don't help them at this point because they really are NOT able to help themselves (clueless) it makes it much worse in the long run to try to help them get much needed services, but you feel like you are butting in when you do - because we're supposed to let life lessons bite them - I think my kid has had just about enough life lessons from an early age -

    I don' tknow if you are a person of faith but SOME Lutheran churches or Catholic Charities may be able to help.

  13. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Thank you again. husband and I have an appointment on FRIDAY at a location that can provide a caseworker for difficult child, group therapy, etc.