First a little bit of background info: My husband and I are both active duty Air Force. We just got restationed a few weeks ago and we're still settling in. We got married last November. Our kids are my stepkids. We have a boy who is turning 4 in a couple of weeks and a girl who turns 6 in February, just started kindergarten. Their BM is not in the picture 95% of the time. When husband and BM first got divorced, it was because of evidence of severe physical and emotional abuse to both kids from her. husband got primary custody and has held it since. She started out with supervised visitation, was ordered to go to anger management classes and take medications for bipolar disorder, but she never did. This was back in 2009 so B4 was 1-2 and D5 was 3. Nowadays, B4 is awesome. We did have behavioral and anger problems with both children, but started implementing the program 1-2-3 Magic based on a child psychiatrist's recommendations. 1-2-3 Magic has worked wonders with B4. He is very smart and calm most of the time. I think it is because he was very young when BM was abusing them and he doesn't remember most of it. D5, however, is a different story. Her behavior is halfway under control at home because we still use the 1-2-3 method, though sometimes she is in timeout for 30 minutes to an hour just waiting for her to calm down. She will begin to whine, cry, and throw fits at very little things, and she is always very anxious, wondering what we're going to do next, worrying about what we're eating for dinner, trying to keep my husband and I on track with our parenting, worrying about what B4 is doing or getting, etc. Sometimes when we take her to timeout she will hit and kick and pinch us, and her screaming is ridiculous. Our biggest problem at home is getting her to eat. She doesn't want to eat anything unless it's fast food, pb&j's, or macaroni and cheese, or limited other junk food. She won't eat anything me or my husband cook, not even lunchables, little compleat kids meals, nothing. We used to make a big deal out of it and even have tried charting, rewards, dessert, taking stuff away if she doesn't eat, etc., and nothing would have any effect, so now if she doesn't eat what I offer her, she just doesn't eat dinner and we act like we don't care. We still don't know if that's the right thing to do, but I can't make her a pb&j every night just because she doesn't wanna try anything else. B4 eats and loves to eat everything we give him. She started kingergarten before we moved in a not-so-great school. They do the green, yellow, and red system, and at first it started out with some greens, then progressed to mostly reds and yellows with a few green days. We made a big deal out of praise every time she got a green day, and you can tell she was super proud when she did well, and she CARES about doing well. She wants to do better, she just can't control her emotions. She just started her new kindergarten a couple of weeks ago since we moved, which is a super high rated school, and her first 7 days or so were green and blue (this school does green, blue, yellow, red, and purple or something). Yesterday was yellow, and today my husband got a call from the school saying she was screaming, defying all authority, and refusing to do any work. She used to do the same thing at her other school which includes throwing crayons at the teacher, hitting the teacher, etc. She doesn't like to listen when she gets into a fit and she will just keep arguing with you, or saying she doesn't remember or doesn't know, but then she remembers trivial things like when my mom came to visit back in April she got donuts one morning, and when she visited a couple of weeks ago D5 asked her if she brought donuts again. I know it's because of course a little kid is going to remember donuts because they're a yummy treat, but this is just the first example I could think of. We dont' know what to do anymore. We've tried rewards, punishments, everything, and she still can't control herself when she lashes out and frankly it's driving me crazy. I'm still new at being a parent and it is so overwhelming. I know it's not her fault because her mom was so horrible, but I had never been around kids until I got married, and sometimes it's really even hard for me to be empathetic because I don't have the foundation of a bond or unconditional love that my husband has. So my question is, does anyone have any advice for what we can do for her and does anyone have any advice for me as a step-parent? I care about her wellbeing and I know both my husband and I will be way less stressed if we can get her under control. We really can't afford for her to get kicked out of kindergarten and go back to full-time preschool/daycare, not to mention we don't want her to be behind. Which brings me to another point--when we're doing her homework with her at home, it's like she doesn't even want to try. She just guesses or says she doesn't know, and when she does try if she doesn't get it right straight away she'll get really frustrated, get a crazy look in her eyes, and start shaking as her rage builds up. I just don't know what to do. I want her to stay in school, do well, eat what we give her, and listen. It's like she doesn't know how to follow directions. Sorry if this is all jumbled.. I feel like I haven't explained myself fully or I'm leaving a lot of stuff out, so if anyone has any questions don't hesitate--we need help. And yes, we are going to take her to the doctor just as soon as we can get a referral put in.