Well...not as expected..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Feb 23, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    There's good news and bad news, I think. The CA didn't do as expected, she saw me in the hallway before court and said all had agreed to lower charge to domestic assault & battery- a misdemeanor. That was good. Then she said that she thought the choice was either difficult child get commitment to state juvy or sent home with in-home services working with PO- )right back to where we were before but worse). I didn't say anything at first but later told her that I could not afford for difficult child to come home right away. I also mentioned that the problem with that proposed scenario is that if it doesn't work, difficult child is right back in here (court) and probably would be sent to state juvy and that he needed something in between, not an all-or-nothing situation.

    Then in court, after the private attny withdrew his motion to substitute because both attny's showed up, (LOL!), the CA gave the charge and the defense attny plead guilty for difficult child.

    I whispered to the GAL to ask if she rec'd my fax about Residential Treatment Center (RTC) approval, she said no, I gave her my copy of letter to read. Judge said she could not order Residential Treatment Center (RTC), it would be up to county and county had decided before to do in-home therapy. GAL told judge I'd gotten approval, I jumped in and said I had gotten medicaid appr'd for difficult child if funding was the issue. Judge said we now have parental placement into dss where parents don't give up rights. GAL said I had applied for that, I said yes but I withdrew it since this happened. Judge said parents needed to be aware that if they did that, the court did not oversee what Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was doing and could not hold them accountable for treatment and Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would discharge the kid as soon as medicaid funding ran out. (I was sitting there thinking that it still sounded better than any other option.)

    Judge said that her only options were to commit difficult child to state juvy, give him 30 days in local detention, sentence him to program she wanted him to go to last year but he wasn't 14yo then (he is now), or release him back on probation. Then all attnys jumped up and started talking about psychiatrist's letter/report. GAL said she had spoken to psychiatrist several times and Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was recommended and since the county team met before and said in-home services, difficult child had been sent to place he is now and they now have this report, which somewhat changes things. And that psychiatrist said detention would be a detriment to difficult child. She said there were options, such as going back to county team with this new info or getting dss involved for placement.

    The CA Then stood up and said she was new at this and didn't have the background on difficult child that others there did but after talking to all parties, including PO, she felt that since difficult child's problems seemed to stem from home, that a psychological should be done on the mother (me), especially since psychiatrist's report included one of difficult child's diagnosis's was child-parent relational problems. The GAL said that would probably be appropriate because the school said they had no problem with difficult child, that he was happy when he was there and the problems only seemed to exist when difficult child was at home (never mind that he only went to school when he was stable or hypomanic this whole school year). (After court I was told that the concern was if school was having no issue with him, then the question was why wasn't he getting to school and why was he always having to be tdo'd from home- like they have forgotten how he got to where he has been the past 3 weeks. I also mentioned after court that difficult child has cut himself extensively the past two weeks as can be seen by his arm so it isn't like once he's not at home, these problems suddenly go away. I didn't say those things defensively or angrily, just as a matter of observation.)

    Anyway, the result is that difficult child is being sent back to where he is now and we will all go back to court next month so some things can be explored in the meantime. The things that are to happen over the next few weeks are 1) I get a psychological from our county mental health dept (I already went there to schedule the appointment and they mentioned the mst guy- I said no, that won't work because we had previous dealings with him. The lady is having someone else call me to schedule appointment. Shouldn't a psychiatric exam be done by someone you don't already know? The paper says psychiatric testing- are they actually going to give me a written test or just "interview" me? How bad is this that it was ordered?), 2) DSS is being called for potential placement. I would have no choice in where they place difficult child but the GAL says they would have to consider dr's reports (so I guess if whomever does my psychiatric exam determines that I have problems, dss would place difficult child with my bro which is my worst fear; if they determine we both have issues, I assume difficult child would be placed nearby if we can all work with the system to restore family life; if I am found to have no problem, then difficult child could be sent to detention for punishment- a potential problem though is that mental health dept can't ensure that my psychiatric exam will be complete before next month's hearing), 3) Another county team is to be scheduled and GAL will attend, per my request
  2. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    You need a psychiatric? When you have all that history on difficult child and all his documentated acting out behaviors? Man. Well at least it should prove that it is not you that is the root of all difficult child's problems. This is the problem when the judicial system tries to act as a mental health agency. It simply does not work. -RM
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    In a way, this could prove in our favor. But, I keep thinking how bad it could go. If I try to say that difficult child started acting erratic or that there weere times I could not wake him up, some peopl just roll there eyes and obviously don't believe me- especially when these problems are not coming out in a psychiatric hospital. But, let's face it, the environment is different. I tend to think some of it is home environment, but not necessarily MY home- but anyone's home. They can't know that because difficult child has never lived in any other home.

    Truthfully, I believe PO is behind a lot because if I was court ordered to get counseling as well as difficult child, she would be over-seeing that as well. And my gut feeling is that more than anything, PO wants to be in authority over me personally and have me backed in a corner with her pulling the strings.

    It worries me that all these county people know each other, including the people at the mental health dept. And we all know that tdocs are not all created equal. And if someone walks in with a court-ordered psychiatric evaluation to be done, assumptions can be made right off the batt.
  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I just don't understand why on earth the court can't mandate this kid into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)!!! Here in NY I had no problem with this. I agree with you, I think that darn PO is behind all of this nonsense!!!

    Now you need a pysch exam!!! AARRGGHH!!!! If they had any clue they would know that a lot of difficult children only display this sort of behavior at home where they are most comfortable and do not fear rejection!!!! I am so sorry you are having so much trouble. Jeesh, so many obstacles.

    Is this Family Court? When my daughter was placed (through the court) we were assigned a case worker from DSS, they were the ones technically responsible for my daughter's placement however, I got to make the final decision on whether I agreed with the placement or not. The judge is the one who mandated my daughter into placement. If the judge does not have this authority then who on earth does??? Gosh klmno, you are a true warrior mom. You just keep on fighting, your resiliance is astounding!!! I applaud you for all of your efforts.

    Keeping my finger's crossed. Good luck with the psychiatric exam. Keep us posted. :)
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Wow...that PO is really something. Your strength through all of this is just awesome. Good luck with the psychiatric exam. Sending hugs.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I wish you luck with the psychiatric exam....will there be any way of proving that it is the COURT that is making you crazy? Uuuggghhh!! I cannot believe all of the carp that you have had to put up with!!

    I hope everything goes well...

  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks, all! Has anyone here had to have one of these or know what I should expect?

    I just called place where difficult child has been to let them know he's on his way back and to fill them in. I told the sw that I had to get a psyh evaluation partly because of psychiatrist's diagnosis. She sighed and started to say something but stopped. It didn't sound like they meant for this to happen- I have a feeling they might be able to help out in the "is mom a whacko" area. She told me that I had always been cooperative with them, had never given them a problem, and was easy to work with. She said what happened in court was not what they had wanted.

    I called county person to set up meeting. She had set it up before, but told me this time that they could not set it up on my request, it had to be PO's request. I then left a message for GAL to that effect and ask if she could discuss that with PO since PO had not been very cooperative with me in the past about getting assistance from county. Also, I told her that I would call PO myself if she (GAL) let me know that it had to be me.

    Now, I will email school and let them know that difficult child's case is continued another month and ask principal to call me for details. The way the principal talked before, she was going to advocate for me and difficult child so I'm not sure if she was truthful and maybe she did it to a point that it left GAL thinking that difficult child has NO issue except home life, or if principal actually conveyed things along those lines. We'll see- if she doesn't call me it will be pretty telling.

    I'd like to tell people that I'll be happy to have a psychiatric evaluation if PO will have one, too. But, I'll just hold that thought! It could work in our favor if it comes back with my typical depression and anxiety, but fit mother determination. Then, it could put a little pressure on people in probation to quit blaming me. (Really, I won't give anyone any grief over it- if I've taken my son to do it, I'll do it too- the CA had no idea that I've had myself in counseling previously or recently and the PO just doesn't get it anyway. The psychiatrist where difficult child is now can talk to GAL about things- hopefully, difficult child hasn't convinced psychiatrist there that I'm the root of all his problems, which he was saying last Friday when he was so upset.)
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2009
  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    LOL, love that idea. She is the one who really needs it!!! :)
  9. I'm sorry. Why with all the history do they have to think it is the parent's fault? I understand that part of the diagnosis is family, I know on both of my kids, the Axis 1V reads school, family system and stage of life issue.

    Why they can't see that what they have tried before is not working on your son? Why can't they see that he has mental health issues that need to be addressed, that if they are addressed, then the other stuff will fall into place?

    My heart is with you klmno,


  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, geez....I just read my form for the psychiatric evaluation. The GAL had said to go to mental health dept and make appointment today, so that is what I did. The form says to go to court intake and talk with mental heallth person there and it lists the mst guy's name. Well, this is the mental health person assigned to courts/probation (outside of detention center) and he started the in home mst stuff with us 18 mos ago and was not a very honest person about things. He made his position clear before and he works with the PO. There is no way I'm letting him give me a psychiatric evaluation. I tried to call the intake office to discuss this with them but I had to leave a message. I'll have to go down there this afternoon- the form says that in order to be in compliance, you have to go there before leaving building after court. I went to mental health dept instead.

    This mst guy wanted to completely disregard the other prof's in difficult child's life and would not listen to anything I had to say. I had to take that to court to get the order removed last year. He misrespresented himself so bad that the judge read his letter and then heard what he had to say and questioned him herself about it sounding inconsistent.
  11. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    You just can't seem to catch a darn break!!! I hope you have some luck with requesting a change. (((HUGS)))
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I don't know how you keep up the strength and energy for this fight! I am truly amazed Warrior Mom! My head is spinning just trying to wrap my head around the drama that has become your life. I hope you print out all your notes so you can write a book about this one day when thing slow down. :D
  13. MyHrt31

    MyHrt31 New Member

    klmno, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I haven't had time to come around here as much as I would like to but I was able to catch up on your situation. Just keep on fighting back and they will see just how terrific a mom you are and how everything you are doing is to help your son. You have our support and prayers :) Hugs!!
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    As you say.......not what was expected! Truthfully I had hoped for more of a win-win result. Rats.

    Obviously the situation is really complex and the bonding within the system makes it more so. I'm not sure how you can best protect both you and your son.

    My initial thought line is this...

    You may have to be evaluated by the person you have bad vibes about if he is set up as the designated tester. If so you will have to truthful but cautious not to slip in your word choices in a way that he can/could use it against you. To me it seems important to remember that you are not perfect but you have managed to remain consistent in your advocacy for your son even through atrocious and stressful circumstances. In other words, you need to be proud of yourself more than you are concerned about your imperfections.

    Perhaps ?? either the GAL or the Public Defender or the private attorneys office knows of an impartial expert who could give you a separate evaluation. to use as a rebuttal (if necessary) for the report by the State dude. I know money is tight but it might be a good idea.

    You're doing great traveling this challenging road. I'm impressed. Remember to keep your notes up to date and try to find something to focus on as a stress reliever so your brain gets a break! Hugs. DDD
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I just got back from running down there explaining that I went to the mental health dept and that I didn't want this guy giving me a psychiatric evaluation because we had been in court together before and I didn't think he could be very objective. They said that he would not be doing the evaluation, but he scheduled them. I told them that someone from mental health was already supposed to call me to schedule. So, I guess one of them will. Anyway, that's a relief.

    It is bugging me more and more that these people pick and choose what to believe and then argue about it. The statements by the CA nad GAL that difficult child only had a problem at home really bugs me. His laast admittance was not from home and they are finding it justified to keep him. Look at what he's done while in there, as far as cutting more. Also, the issue about school bugs me, too. difficult child was a major problem aat school for the first 2 years of this. Now, the past 18 mos he hasn't been and while I'm glad of that, they apparently see that as evidence that I am the problem. Never mind that he's missed about 25 days of school this school year and I know that it was days he would have gotten into trouble if he'd gone and that the school's different approach toward difficult child, which I am the one who advocated for, helped turn things around.

    But GAL seemed to completely overlook those things. As far as giving up, yep, it might not be too far around the corner. I just would need to know that difficult child is in good hands first.
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    DDD, do you know if the evaluation focuses on my parenting skills or my mental health or ability to care for my son or what? The form says psychiatric testing- I somehow feel sure that they aren't really doing neuropsychologist testing. I can't even get the sd to foot the bill for that on difficult child. LOL! Also, do they need info on difficult child's diagnosis, history, etc., so they know that I'm not making this up? Do they need to speak with his psychiatrist or my employer or anything like that? (you know, like when our kids are evaluation'd, they have teachers and parents fill out forms.)

    Somehow, I keep thinking of my last face-to-face conversation with difficult child's therapist. I was saying that I had to stop and regroup and take control back of my house and go back to work. He kept nodding like he was in agreement and that I'd had some great revelation there that maybe he had helped with. Then I said, of course that means that I won't be able to do all that PO expects and I won't be able to supervise difficult child as he needs and I certainly won't be able to keep bringing difficult child to appts and spending half my time advocating for him. There for a second, I thought maybe therapist almost got a jest of the problem. And I do wonder, why is it that all these people that want to tell me how I should be spending my life can completely ignore that I am the one making sure these phone calls get made, meetings are attended and prepared for, the attnys have much needed info, etc. Who do they think is doing that?

    GAL had the info from psychiatrist that difficult child could go back to that place- remember how it was discussed on Friday and psychiatrist said he would call gal and let her know so it wassn't "left up to the MOTHER to relay info to the judge"? Ok, then judge asked how long could he stay up there. Who had that answer? Me. How? It was me on the conference call thru the meetings, not the GAL. Remember the arraignment- it was me that had put the previous motion into the judge and me that knew where difficult child's file was. Do they not think that it takes its toll on a parent to raise the difficult child, deal with the knife in the face or at the neck, pay the psychiatric hospital bills, take him all the necessaary places, advocate for him, and be the only person keeping up with all this because you know if you don't, no one else will? If they think it's more than I can deal with, then why don't they help instead of figuring out more to tell me to do?

    Also, since the county says it could take twice as long to get an evaluation done as what we have, time wise, before the next court appearance- do you think there's any chance that I could tell them that I saw a therapist a few times in the Dec-Jan period and see if they would accept a report from her? (She's actually the one that told me I should be looking into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for difficult child.) She is not a county mental health person, but she is a psychiatric, PHd. The only reason courts order stuff from the county mental health dept is because they are not allowed to order something from a private prof.
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2009
  17. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Many, many years ago, I tried to adopt a child in foster care. The foster mom didn't like us and she wanted to adopt the child, but her husband didn't want to. I went for a psychological evaluation at child services request.

    I wish I remembered more. What I do remember is being given math facts and I was surprized when she said I was good at math, and I remember the ink blot cards, one of my answers was that a card looked like a witch, she asked me to show her how and another time I saw a dancing girl or a dog, not sure it was great to see them both in the same card. I also remember some questions about general things like who was president and how many people lived in this country, I said 12 million...think I was a few million off, oh well.Anyway, it didn't turn DYFS off of us so I guess I passed, the foster mom eventually got her husband to agree and they adopted the child. And I still got my flock of difficult child's so it all worked out.

    I would be a little suspect of their people, if there was any way for you to seek someone outside of them and pay yourself, I would do it. Then you would have something to argue against theirs if needed.
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2009
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    klmno -

    I'm sorry - I'm not buying ANY of this. I think you should find out WHO is in charge of your local NAMI chapter and call them. You need some legal help.

    You keep asking about the test - it's about 1hr. - 1 1/2 hr. long. I had to take one when Dude was committed to the State hospital. I'm really trying to figure out WHY the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) doesn't send an advocate with you to court to allow them to speak about your son's progress. I'm also wondering WHY all the all or nothing thinking )on behalf of the courts( and that there has been NO mention of sending him to a juvenile state mental hospital. Most are very good. Ours here was probably a better place than most Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s. NO JOKE.

    Get ahold of someone TODAY from NAMI - they'll have resources you do not for all aspects of this treatment.

    And why not suggest PO get an evaluation? Remember - EVERYONE has a boss.

    Keep your chin up -
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It really seems the PO is poisoning these people and the judge has no clue when it comes to mental health problems.

    I honestly think you are going to need your OWN lawyer before the end of things. You may want to contact Legal Aid ASAP to see if you can get help before the psychiatric exam.

    I can't tell you how messed up I think this entire thing is. I think you are ding a great job given what handicaps the system has in place to ensure you fail.

  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sure it's the PO behind it- her super told me that he thought I was the crux of all difficult child's problems and I don't even know this guy so what could he base that on, other than what PO had told him to cover her butt and justify her approach with difficult child and me?

    Now whether or not the GAL really believes that or is just trying to cover all bases or truly does NOT believe it but figures this is a good way to prove it's not my fault is a different story.

    I could push for difficult child just getting 30 days in local detention, but none of us think it's a good idea for him (unless his pdooc changes his mind) and that just leaves the situation at home the same as it was- outpatient or inhome therapist but the rest of the world falling apart around us. And, I do think it would be best for difficult child to earn his way home.
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2009