Well....something good anyway.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, May 2, 2012.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Mom called tonight even though it was really late to give me my birthday wishes. I was surprised because she is normally a go to bed early type because she has issues sleeping......and she's an hour behind us time wise.

    Bro and Stormy moved OUT! :D That's what she was doing, helping wash their kitchen things because they'd been in storage for so long. Thank goodness! And the stress/strain is gone from her voice. Bro rented a big farm out of town. So Stormy is all HIS from now on. (this ought to get interesting, a 15 yr old alone at a farm for 16 hrs a day once summer arrives) Landlord lives just down the road. No clue how on earth he's going to afford it. But that is his problem.

    But sis who also has kidney issues calls her. (this one lives in Indy) Says she's got double pneumonia and was admitted last week on sunday, didn't get out until friday because on wed she had surgery on her kidney for stones. Now I love this sis and we get along fine. But I've lost patience with her over the years. So I spoke up and told mom......you realize that she's lying right. Either she doesn't have double pneumonia or she didn't have surgery.......or the whole deal is a lie. Because they don't put you under anesthetic with pneumonia, heck not even with just a resp infection. geez This sis and mom are both nurses, now who did she think she was fooling??

    I told Mom she's building up to ask something. Mom says I'm right. LOL Mom is rapidly learning to be a warrior mom in her own right. Mom says she figures my niece is about to toss sis out for not working. She got laid off in sept and since she could draw unemployment (doubtful, sis keeps getting fired for snitching medications from patients) she wasn't looking for more work. This is what sis told me when she called me months ago over husband passing. She lives with her daughter when she is out of work.

    So mom says "I tell ya, I'm about to give Sis the house, and come over to you and live."

    I say "I told you that you're more than welcome. We'll even rearrange the house back so that it's 3 bedrooms again. Or you can stay here until you find a place you want to move into" I explained that Nichole had taken Betsy (Betsy makes her nervous because the dog loves her and jumps on her) and that it's only Molly and Rowdy and Bruce now.

    Mom said " THANK YOU!" I mean a profound, like she was relieved, thank you.

    Usually, it's oh, well that's nice but I really don't want to or I have to do this or that or whatever. So maybe she's really considering it. I know sis in Texas really wants to move here, and is utterly determined to when her husband passes away. (her grown kids all want to relocate with her) That sis hates Texas and so do her kids. And I know that mom hates Texas too, so even though sis's husband had the builders add an addition to the house that would be like a mini apartment for mom when they built it, odds are slim mom would ever move in.

    Now I find this amusing as all get out. Life sure has some major twists and turns.

    I literally hated my mother as a child. She is schizo and was abusive and I was her main target. In my early 20's I got therapy to deal with my childhood issues. Moved past it, learned to accept her for who she is mental illness and all. Still can't say I liked her much, and I certainly felt no love for her. But I kept trying because that is what my grandma taught me to do, respect her, no matter what. I didn't have to like her, I didn't have to love her, but I did have to respect her because without her I wouldn't be here. And the kids adored her, so I kept trying. And over the years she eventually began to mellow. Or her eyes began to open. Or something. I've never quite been able to figure out the complete change in her. She no longer has to control everyone around her. She can finally, even if she doesn't like it or agree, live and let live. Oh, she's still opinionated as all heck.......but still the change has been rather drastic. Not perfect, but then no one is.

    Some of the older members here probably remember me saying this woman would NEVER live with me when she got old under any circumstances. And I meant it. And honestly if she had at that time, I'd probably have smothered her in her sleep. I'd have driven her insane, and she would have driven me insane.

    But in all those years I kept right on trying? I was laying boundaries into place as well. I don't tolerate disrespect from anyone, including her, maybe especially her. I'm honest with her and I expect her to be honest with me. So far as I know, even though I might not like what she says, she's honest about it. In the last oh I'd say about 6 yrs or maybe a bit more, we've developed a relationship I never dreamed we'd ever have. We've become friends. And yes, it's nice.

    So now I can invite her to live with me and it really doesn't bother me to do so. Oh, well yeah......there is that part where she's getting older and more feeble. And I will admit I don't relish the thought of caring for another person until they pass from this earth, (I think I've had enough of that personally) I also can't stand the thought that she is 2 states away with people who are more worried about what she can do for them instead of what they can do for her. (and yeah, they figure she owes them for the abuse, but it's wrong and they know it's wrong)

    So I'm keeping my fingers crossed she accepts. She doesn't have to live here if she doesn't want. Heck right now, she could buy a small little place that is really nice dirt cheap, or rent if she wants. But just once, in the time she has left, I'd like her to feel genuinely wanted and loved, to be included in warm family celebrations and such, instead of uninvited or only an after thought.

    I do have to chuckle at her though. She's so used to sibs asking her for money or help with this or that..........she asks me every phone call how I'm doing money wise. I always tell her I'm just fine. Then she always says that I wouldn't tell her if I wasn't. And I say yup, you got that right. But really, I'm ok. She keeps trying to give me money and I won't let her. My bills are paid and I'm not going hungry. So yup, I'm fine.

    Life just never ceases to amaze me sometimes. :)
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    When you started talking about your Mom mellowing out I thought of mine! I adore her, but for a while she was more than a tad uptight!

    I'm just glad you had a good convo with her... And that bro and Stormy are OUT!!!!!
  3. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Glad this is coming about for you and I hope things work out in a way that is best for everyone.

    You post sounds kind of similar to what has gone on with my mother, only she's not "quite" there all the way yet. Things have changed but it hasn't gotten to full circle. I think it's getting there and in time it will, I hope.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad that bro and Stormy are out. I really doubt that Stormy will be all alone on the farm all day. She will talk daddy into a car or she will get some boys to come take her to party. problem be preggo by end of summer unless her dad puts her on the shot. I doubt he will have any clue what she is doing, and won't bother to try to know or stop or change what she does.

    It is great that you have a relationship with your mom that is so good now. I truly hope she moves to be near you and your family and that you can keep your siblings from continuing to take such advantage of her. in my opinion it is wrong. It is one thing to WANT to give to your kids or parents or whomever. It is another to think they owe you.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like great news, Hound. Just because I don't have anything important to think about, lol, did your Mom ever get her computer results back to see who messed with it? Inquiring minds want to know. Hugs DDD
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh well dang, DDD, I forgot to ask her about it!! I'll have to make sure I ask her next time I talk to her, cuz I still want to know too.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'm glad to see that people can change. Gives me hope for some of my family.