My daughter got out of jail yesterday after serving a month. During that month I sent her a 4 page letter mapping out the devastation she has caused for me and making it clear that I was not participating in her life at all until I saw obvious changes made. I did not have any contact with her except 2 phone calls when she called me and I was angry and did not want to hear anything she had to say. I told her if "if you come back here and start up trying to get those cats, ranting at your ex-roommate, driving that mess on wheels around, then you do all of that without me and do not involve me in any of it, and when you go back to jail, leave me out of all of it." Yesterday I actually had lunch and dinner out with friends and truthfully, I hardly thought about her and where she was, if she was getting out, really, anything related to her. It was a very easy day. About 11 last night as I was getting ready to go to bed, she texted me that she was out, at a motel in the town the jail is in, which is an hour from me, with a guy friend, that she had just gotten her cell phone charged. We texted for over an hour. We have never done that before, it worked well for me. I asked her what was different this time? She said, when she got out she went across the street to the county offices, got her food stamps and Medi-Cal reinstated and applied for a housing stipend which will give her $355 a month. She said there was a room in the town I live in for $350 a month and that she has to return to that town on Tuesday and one or two other times for drug testing and a probation meeting and the orientation for the housing. She was leaving today, Friday, for another town 2 hours north to work with this guy for a friend of his, catering at a local Fairgrounds for the weekend and they would be paid under the table. She and he have another job next weekend in the town she was in jail in. She told me "I am taking responsibility for my life now Mom." She said she is going to make money, fix her car, pay for what she needs to pay for. She apologized for that fiasco with my car the last time saying she felt really bad about that and it would NEVER happen again. She emphasized that. We texted back and forth. She asked if it were possible for me to bring her purse, license, some clothes and toiletries to where she was. The beauty of texting is you can think things through and check in with another. I talked to my SO who always remains level headed and in fact, has gotten to the point of never wanting to help her anymore. When I told him what she had accomplished and where she was going, he said, "I'll drive you up there in the morning." We drove up this morning with all the stuff she wanted (it was all in her car which is in my driveway) and we met the young man she was with. First of all, my daughter looked different. SO immediately commented on it. She did not have that crazed, anxious demeanor where her mind is racing and she is intense. She was calm and looked good actually. The guy is a "normal" looking dude, nice looking, well dressed, well spoken and very appreciative to us for bringing her her stuff. She thanked us numerous times and said she would text me when she got to where they are going. It was almost surreal for SO and I because it was all so ..........normal. She executed a plan, followed through, found employment immediately and made plans for the future with housing. That was exhibiting foresight and clear thinking. Her usual pattern is to get emotionally strung out on little inconsequential stuff while completely ignoring the obvious, much bigger realistic choices. That difference is so profound that it really did feel surreal. We drove home talking about how we had entered an alternate universe and neither of us would have recognized this behavior because we haven't seen her like that in 2 1/2 years, since it all began. Actually I haven't seen this side of her since before her husband died when she was a relatively normal person 14 years ago. Did the loss of her cats, the storage unit, the broken down car and me make a difference? I don't know. Did the time to reflect for 4 weeks without me at all give her the opportunity to make different choices? Don't know. I felt energetically disconnected to her after I wrote that 4 page letter. For me that tied it all up in a neat little package and I presented it to her. It was as if I were handing her my resignation. I was done. If I were to make a guess as to the root of the changes, I would point to that. When I finally laid down to go to sleep last night I had a very different sense of my own self. I felt safe within me, a sort of peaceful calm which extended throughout my entire body and spirit. I awoke with it. Seeing my daughter, it seemed as if she had it too. I can still feel it, it's like rather then chaos, or the fear of chaos. there is peace. She will do whatever she will do. I am pleasantly surprised at where she is, but I have no expectations that it will continue or not. It will be what it will be and I will be okay. For this moment she is okay and I am okay. Yesterday, when I didn't know where she was, I hardly thought about it at all, and I was okay then too. My ardent wish was to be okay no matter what my daughter, or anyone is doing and I seem to have landed there. I am feeling profoundly grateful.