totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
I am so tired... I had to PRN K with Diazapam... which I have been avoiding up till this point.
She has been Manic, I would say for about a week now. Since Saturday it has just gotten worse.
I have tried so hard not to yell at her. I am so sad seeing this affect N.
I watch her cycle up and down all day and feel so horrible in her own skin.
She is lying, delusional, grandiose, agitated, euphoric... it is just too much. husband has been gone since last Monday and I think this time it did help to trigger her.
He feels horrible, but he won't be home until at least Saturday...
She has been making stuff up and getting in my face, has to get it out... pressured speech... but so grandiose. Then turning on me. Telling husband all these lies about me.
So tonight I had some calm, we played Go-Fish... OK. Went upstairs to do some puzzles... I brought 2 with me... in one box there is 4. These are cool long floor puzzles.
She did not like this idea at first. I said, maybe a bath would be good and said I thought her "engine" was getting high again. She said her engine was high bit NO bath.
So we start the puzzle, me and N. K is just pacing. I go in to the bathroom to see if I left laundry in. I come out she is starting on on puzzle... So I say I am going to move laundry to dryer.
I come out and she is fiercely grabbing N's hand and screaming at her that she is doing the puzzle wrong.
She wants it done very specific, something in her mind? Who knows? So N is trying to help her, K grabs her again and starts squeezing her hand...she is shaking, stomps on the box
I say to myself, don't yell, deep breath, I move N out of the way. I tell K that I am sorry we are not doing the puzzle the "right" way. What can I do to help her? I will try to fix it.
I get her calm, start N on another puzzle. Just squeeze K and hug her, but she is to agitated to last. She pushes me away and says NO. She can't do it. She goes into her room and starts drawing, which is nice.
I try to get them into my bed to read, this is about 45 min. later. N is so tired and K is exhausted.
I read 1 book, K can't stop moving or talking. It is like this every night. I hate it...
N is afraid... K finally after I ask her to wait in her bed for a few minutes while I read one more book to N, just paces in her room... singing and moving things.
For the next 2 hours she goes on about her powers, how she is a rockstar and has been lying to me about what she really does and her powers... how she got sick when we gave her the Cat 3 years ago and bad Fairies flew into her mouth and into her throat...
She was waving and holding and talking to the "fairies" saying they had come back, but they were mostly bad...
I called husband, who is on the road, just to go over the plan of what to give her as a PRN.
I was crying... so frustrated. I let her talk to him. She was telling him how the fairies were back, and that things are so out of control and that I was all of these horrible things.
I know this is just her being unstable and part of Mental Illness, but it is SO hard and it hurts so bad to hear such things... when everything that you do in life is for your kids.
I am sitting here crying and just can't thinking this psychiatrist apt and move can't come fast enough... we need some help. I need a break.
The only funny thing through all of this past week, in regards to mental illness, was psychiatrist3 called on Saturday!!! He said , "Uh I got a message that you called and you weren't making it to the apt. and that you might be moving? I was just checking in to see if, uh, how things were going?" He left his number... That was how long ago!?!?!? WEEKS!!!
husband thinks I should call. Just to let him know what is up, in a nice way.
Sorry this so long I just really needed to VENT and CRY... I am going to go and check on her...
She has been Manic, I would say for about a week now. Since Saturday it has just gotten worse.
I have tried so hard not to yell at her. I am so sad seeing this affect N.
I watch her cycle up and down all day and feel so horrible in her own skin.
She is lying, delusional, grandiose, agitated, euphoric... it is just too much. husband has been gone since last Monday and I think this time it did help to trigger her.
He feels horrible, but he won't be home until at least Saturday...
She has been making stuff up and getting in my face, has to get it out... pressured speech... but so grandiose. Then turning on me. Telling husband all these lies about me.
So tonight I had some calm, we played Go-Fish... OK. Went upstairs to do some puzzles... I brought 2 with me... in one box there is 4. These are cool long floor puzzles.
She did not like this idea at first. I said, maybe a bath would be good and said I thought her "engine" was getting high again. She said her engine was high bit NO bath.
So we start the puzzle, me and N. K is just pacing. I go in to the bathroom to see if I left laundry in. I come out she is starting on on puzzle... So I say I am going to move laundry to dryer.
I come out and she is fiercely grabbing N's hand and screaming at her that she is doing the puzzle wrong.
She wants it done very specific, something in her mind? Who knows? So N is trying to help her, K grabs her again and starts squeezing her hand...she is shaking, stomps on the box
I say to myself, don't yell, deep breath, I move N out of the way. I tell K that I am sorry we are not doing the puzzle the "right" way. What can I do to help her? I will try to fix it.
I get her calm, start N on another puzzle. Just squeeze K and hug her, but she is to agitated to last. She pushes me away and says NO. She can't do it. She goes into her room and starts drawing, which is nice.
I try to get them into my bed to read, this is about 45 min. later. N is so tired and K is exhausted.
I read 1 book, K can't stop moving or talking. It is like this every night. I hate it...
N is afraid... K finally after I ask her to wait in her bed for a few minutes while I read one more book to N, just paces in her room... singing and moving things.
For the next 2 hours she goes on about her powers, how she is a rockstar and has been lying to me about what she really does and her powers... how she got sick when we gave her the Cat 3 years ago and bad Fairies flew into her mouth and into her throat...
She was waving and holding and talking to the "fairies" saying they had come back, but they were mostly bad...
I called husband, who is on the road, just to go over the plan of what to give her as a PRN.
I was crying... so frustrated. I let her talk to him. She was telling him how the fairies were back, and that things are so out of control and that I was all of these horrible things.
I know this is just her being unstable and part of Mental Illness, but it is SO hard and it hurts so bad to hear such things... when everything that you do in life is for your kids.
I am sitting here crying and just can't thinking this psychiatrist apt and move can't come fast enough... we need some help. I need a break.
The only funny thing through all of this past week, in regards to mental illness, was psychiatrist3 called on Saturday!!! He said , "Uh I got a message that you called and you weren't making it to the apt. and that you might be moving? I was just checking in to see if, uh, how things were going?" He left his number... That was how long ago!?!?!? WEEKS!!!
husband thinks I should call. Just to let him know what is up, in a nice way.
Sorry this so long I just really needed to VENT and CRY... I am going to go and check on her...
